Dear Richard Madeley: My co-worker got promoted instead of me – I don’t know how to act around them
Dear Richard,
I recently went for a promotion at work and didn’t get it. The person who did was an internal appointment – we’ve worked together closely in the past and I really like them, but I can’t see that they are any better suited to the new role than me. Friends and colleagues agree – they say I should resign – but everything else about the job (the money, the commute, the people) is great.
What concerns me is that I don’t know how to play it with my new ‘boss’ – I don’t want them to think I am scheming on the sidelines or harbouring any sort of resentment, or no more than you’d expect; but equally if they’re feeling defensive and start throwing their weight around it’s going to be hard to reconfigure our working relationship in a healthy way.
Am I wrong to stay, and if not, what’s the best way to approach this new relationship?
— Anon, Hants
Dear Anon,
My first piece of advice is one I often offer on these pages: don’t cross your bridges until you come to them.
You have no idea how this shift in your personal and professional relationship is going to play out, Anon, so don’t waste time and emotional energy trying to second-guess it. I also think you should be wary of those siren voices counselling you to fold your tent and quit. Easy for them to say! There’s no need to rush to a decision. Bide your time a little.
To begin with, I think you should focus on the obvious positives. Your new boss isn’t someone you don’t get on with; on the contrary, you’ve worked well together in the past and on a personal level you say you ‘really like’ them. Naturally you’re disappointed to have been pipped at the post like this, but doubtless this person would be feeling much the same as you do now, were the positions to be reversed. This is the timeless world of office politics, Anon. It was ever thus.
Given that you already have a well-established relationship, even a friendship, with this person, I know what I would do. I’d invite them out for a drink. Congratulate them on their appointment, be honest about your own disappointment, and discuss how you can move forward together positively and productively.
This keeps all your options open. Because if your worst fears prove well-founded, and your new boss DOES start chucking their weight about and making life difficult for you, then of course you can always resign. But there’s no need to rush your fences. As you say, you enjoy your job, you like your colleagues, the money’s good. Give things a chance to shake down. You may even be pleasantly surprised with the way it all turns out.
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