Jobless Husband Wants to Be Compensated for Contributing More to Housework While Unemployed, Wife Disagrees

A husband is looking to settle a debate with his wife regarding whether he should be compensated for doing more chores around the house after losing his job.

In a recent post shared to the popular AmItheA–hole (AITA) subreddit, the man, 30, begins his retelling of the incident by asking in the title, “AITA for asking my wife to 'pay me' for doing housework?”

He then clarifies at the beginning of the post that he and his wife, 29, have always split the housework and financial responsibilities evenly as they had similar salaries.

Now that he doesn't have a job, he says he’s getting an unemployment check that amounts to 60% of his former pay, meaning he can still contribute his usual share towards the house bills but then he would have “zero spending money” to enjoy.

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“Now to the argument,” he continues. “My wife suggested I could do a lot more around the house now that I'm out of a job — and I agreed. I wont be sitting around all day doing nothing, but I'll still have way more free time than I had or she has.”

Despite agreeing with his wife that he should be doing more helpful chores, he suggested that it would only be fair if she pitched in more than her usual 50% to the household bills.

“That way I could at least have some spending money the coming months,” he explains. “She disagrees and we had a (somewhat civil) argument about it. We couldn't see eye to eye.”

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He then offered a more detailed explanation of his wife’s perspective in the argument.

“The way she sees it: I can still pay for my part of the household money, so I should. And I do have the free time, so it's normal that I'd spend more time on chores etc. She sees my pov as her paying me for doing housework in our own home, which she finds absurd.”

Meanwhile, he says he has a different way of looking at their situation.

“Yes, it makes a lot of sense for me to do more housework in this period. But it also makes a lot of sense for her to chip in more,” he says. “I think it's unfair that she expects me to spend my extra time on housework, but she won't support me extra financially.”

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Addressing his fellow Reddit users, he then asks if he’s the “a–hole” for thinking this way while noting that he and his wife both agreed that an “outside view” would be helpful to settle their tiff.

A majority of the commenters agreed that the husband is “not the a–hole” and sided with his perspective.

“When one partner is unemployed, it is natural for the other partner to temporarily take on a larger portion of the expenses,” one person wrote.

Another added, “Ask her how she would feel if she were the one currently unemployed. Would she want to be left with $0 spending money each month, or would she want her partner to treat her as such and pay a bit extra towards bills for a short amount of time?”

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However, others looked at their marriage as a whole and offered a different take.

“You’re a team, you should want to do the chores so your partner also has more free time after a work day, especially if you’re home all day to do it," one user said. "And she should be able to see you barely getting by financially and want to step up a little more.”

Another commenter started out by saying, “Marriage is a partnership, not a business arrangement.”

The comment continued, “Doing housework in your own home is never something you are entitled to money for as an adult. Expecting compensation for something you should already be doing as a competent adult is entitled on your part. Period."

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