Dear Coleen: My stressed girlfriend wants a break from my moaning

Dear Coleen

I have been seeing my girlfriend for a couple of years and, two weeks ago, she told me she needed a break from us.

She said she needed time to herself after a challenging year and doesn’t have the head space to deal with me and my problems right now.

She has a point, to be fair. Back in December I walked out of a good job because I couldn’t handle the stress or the office politics any more.

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Since then, I’ve taken the odd freelance job to pay the bills while I look for something full time, but I’ve done my fair share of moping around and feeling sorry for myself.

Meanwhile, my girlfriend works long hours in the NHS, while trying to help her mum, who has dementia.

I understand why she feels under a lot of pressure but she’s made her point and I’ve taken it all on board, so I don’t see how being apart helps things.

I love her and I miss her like mad. I have texted and called her a few times over the past ­fortnight, which has just annoyed her.

She’s agreed to come to my brother’s 30th birthday party in three weeks and I’m hoping she will have missed me.

But I can’t help worrying that this break is just a stepping stone to a permanent split. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

I think you should give her the space she’s asked for and give her a chance to miss you. Of course, if you keep calling and texting her it’s going to be ­irritating and it defeats the purpose of having a break.

She sounds overwhelmed and you adding to her list of worries probably felt like a bridge too far. But taking a break can be a good thing.

You’re expecting the worst, but if you can use this time to focus on yourself and your job search, and show your girlfriend you’re mature enough to respect her need for space, then I’m sure she’ll be encouraged by that.

She’s also agreed to come to meet you at the party, which sounds positive. If she were thinking of this break as final, I’m not sure she’d bother.

So, resist the urge to get in touch. Three weeks will fly by, especially if you’re job hunting. Think about how great you’ll feel if you have something positive to tell her when you see her.

But just a little word of warning – don’t put too much pressure on this meeting.

I know you’re desperate to be reassured and want an answer, but try to focus on enjoying the evening and reconnecting with each other, and let things unfold naturally. Good luck.