Dear Coleen: I have a baby at last after infertility struggles but now I'm overwhelmed
Dear Coleen
My husband and I tried to have a baby for several years, including IVF attempts without any luck. Finally, I got pregnant naturally and we had our daughter last April.
Obviously, we were both overjoyed to become parents as it had been such a long and hard road to get there.
However, I’ve really struggled with parenting the past few months, especially when my husband went back to work and I was doing a lot on my own. I don’t feel depressed but I do feel overwhelmed a lot of the time and I’m exhausted to my bones.
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I feel I should be really loving this time and making the most of every second but I’m not and that makes me feel guilty.
When people ask how I’m doing, I always say “fine” but, if I were being really honest, I’m not fine. I don’t want to seem ungrateful when I have this beautiful baby or make out that I can’t cope, because I can.
My daughter is without doubt the best thing that’s ever happened to me and we have a lovely bond but I’m finding things difficult and I’m embarrassed to admit to it. I’d love some advice.
Coleen says
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve looked forward to having a baby, when it happens, you’re never prepared for how tiring and relentless it is. Of course it’s wonderful but it upends your life – from how you feel about yourself to your relationship with your partner.
First, do not feel guilty about how you’re feeling. If you talk to other parents, you’ll find out these feelings are quite normal and very relatable. But don’t bottle them up and pretend you’re fine. All of us need help and people who will listen.
No one in your life will expect you to be a perfect parent because no such thing exists. We all get tired, we all face challenges and we all need support sometimes.
It really does take a village, so please don’t feel bad about reaching out to yours.
Think about how your husband and your family and friends could help, so you have the capacity to enjoy this time more. How can you get a few hours to yourself to decompress, do something nice or catch up on sleep?
Trust me, people will want to help and none of them will think any less of you for asking. And reach out to your GP too.
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