This Viral "Birth Order Dating Theory" Actually Makes A Lot Of Sense
When it comes to dating, you might look for a certain type of look or personality for your potential future partner. Maybe you steer clear of an Aries partner and try to look for someone who checks off all your boxes. Well, another qualifier you might add to your dating criteria is birth order.
Birth order is the order in which you were born if you have siblings — oldest, middle child, youngest, or only child. People on TikTok claim that there is such a thing as the "birth order dating theory" — meaning certain birth orders are more or less compatible.
"The 'birth order theory' says that a person's position in the family (such as the oldest, middle, youngest, or only child) influences their personality and behaviors," Jesse Kahn, LCSW-R, CST, Director and Sex Therapist at the Gender & Sexuality Therapy Center in New York, explained to BuzzFeed.
"According to the theory, first children may be more responsible, duty-oriented, and achievement-minded; middle children might be more adaptable and diplomatic and the peacekeeper of the family, and youngest children may be more outgoing, rebellious, and exploratory," Jesse added.
"I think we are also seeing narratives about the intersection between birth order theory and gender, such as first daughters having unique experiences," continued Jesse.
Regarding which birth orders are compatible, Dr. Jen Hartstein, PsyD, the owner and founder of Hartstein Psychological Services, PLLC, explained that "firstborns and lastborns are often a good match. Firstborns like to care for others, are organized and want to be in control. Lastborns are accustomed to being dependent and looked after. This provides a good balance."
"Similarly, only children and lastborns are also a good match. Firstborns and middle children also do well. The adaptability of middle children makes a connection with a more intense older child a possible match," Dr. Jen said.
If you're wondering which birth orders aren't compatible, "two firstborns may not do so well together. Competition may develop over who is more successful or who gets more control, making compromise difficult. This may also be true for two only children. Two lastborns can also have some challenges. It may be hard for one person to take charge of the situation, leading to chaos and a lot of passivity," added Dr. Jen.
Jesse added, "It’s important to remember that the differences between birth order are largely impacted by and dependent on how the parents or guardians treat each of their children. For example, we assume that the eldest child will be 'parentified' in some capacity. Still, there are middle children, especially in large families, where a middle child will be responsible for younger siblings and treated more like an eldest is typically treated."
Ultimately, taking the birth order dating theory with a grain of salt is important if you're out in the dating world. "Many things make up our personalities, with birth order being one element to consider. Even though two firstborns may have challenges, these can be worked through and managed effectively," said Dr. Jen.
"There are mitigating factors to consider outside of birth order. I do not think it is the only factor to keep in mind when dating," added Dr. Jen.
Have you ever followed the birth order dating theory in your love life? What are your thoughts on it? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!
