How a cruise brought our family closer: 'The gratitude was overwhelming'

Jamie Moore
·8-min read

The last time we cruised with our parents, my brother and sister and I were in our 20s, and the inside jokes are ones we still haven’t lived down: running up the bar tab, sprinting to catch the ship in port, and driving like we’re in the Bahamas.

So here we are again, exactly 25 years later, embarking on another Caribbean cruise together. This time, with our parents and our own kids – teens and one 20-year-old – in tow, 15 of us total. The trip is a gift from our parents, who decided to spend some of our inheritance on vacation memories instead of leaving it in their will. The deal was they’d pay for airfare, the cruise and port fees. Everything, jokes Dad, except our bar bill.

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The anticipation (and expectations)

We were excited. We had six months before embarkation to anticipate and plan and dream but also to wonder: Could we really handle all of us being together all the time for seven days? I nominated myself, the sibling who lives far away, to be the one to talk to Mom and Dad about their expectations and wishes.

Dad just wanted everyone to be healthy and able to get on the ship and do the trip. He had zero expectations of together-time and was happy to let it happen naturally. Mom said her greatest wish was that we all sit down for dinner together in the formal dining room at 5:15 every night. Beyond that, anything goes. Okay, doable, the siblings agreed.

Embarkation and a sea of matching t-shirts

I wouldn’t do that to you, Mom said, as family after family in matching t-shirts began to line up outside the Port Canaveral cruise terminal with us. We were never that family who wore coordinating outfits for family portraits or matching pajamas on Christmas, and Mom knew we’d balk at the suggestion of cruise-themed shirt twinning.

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Still, I loved the extended family wearing 50th wedding anniversary t-shirts with three versions: Spending our inheritance / Investing our grandparents’ money / Investing our parents’ money … one cruise at a time.

Flashbacks and flash-forward

Embarkation day and the next six days on the cruise were a strange and wonderful state of having one foot in the past and one in the present. I couldn’t help but see moments through both lenses, often simultaneously.

I felt the excitement of the bon voyage then and now. I heard the same animated exchange of the day’s travel tales around the dinner table, stories of spotting a spider monkey and baby, or snorkeling with stingrays. I watched the grandkids swinging cloth napkins overhead during the Italian night dinner parade of waiters just like my siblings and I did all those years ago.

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Mom felt the full-circle moments, too. During the trip, she mentioned that her favorite part of one particular day was seeing everyone at dinner together and watching her grandkids ordering their own food and trying new things like lobster and steak tartare. Just like we had.

I remembered the fun nights and freedom my siblings and I had on the ship 25 years ago. So, when my brother and I unsuccessfully tried to track down our kids after midnight one night at the massive New Year’s Eve pool deck party, we just had to laugh and accept the payback.

Now we’re the grown-ups doing the things our parents once did – negotiating the taxi fare, planning excursions on a budget, and teaching our own kids how to barter with market vendors for t-shirts and shell bracelets.

On our first day in port, when Dad handed each of the grandkids a bit of cash for souvenirs, he did it with the same smile and lean-in advice he gave when we were kids: Don’t ever pay full price. I didn’t realize until then that the cruise 25 years ago was where I learned the life lesson that everything is negotiable.

The world is bigger than Indiana

This trip was the first time my Indiana nieces and nephews travelled outside of the U.S. and Canada. Seeing their expressions and hearing their awe reminded me of my own life-changing experience 25 years ago on that first family cruise, opening my eyes and sparking an insatiable curiosity about other people and places.

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Like me all those years ago, my brother’s kids were ready to move to the Caribbean after a day of snorkeling with sea turtles, sipping Coca-Cola from a bottle, and splashing through Mexican street market puddles in a flash downpour. All of those things still bring me joy, a joy that’s doubled when I get to share in their first-ever experiences … teaching them how to clear their ears and dive down when snorkeling or explaining about Europeans when they asked why some guys were wearing such small bathing suits.

Choosing each other

There were several times in port and on the ship when my siblings and I gave our kids freedom to do their own thing, and sometimes they chose to hang out with us parents. I remembered being in their shoes and doing the same thing 25 years ago. I couldn’t help but smile every time it happened, this time around, as a parent.

One night on the ship, the siblings and our parents were playing cards. My 20-year-old daughter, who was with her cousins and their new friends, messaged, asking what I was doing. When I messaged back, she and some of her cousins joined us, and we taught them how to play Euchre, a card game that our family has played for generations.

While we played, we laughed and retold family stories about when we were young – about first cars, fender benders, and breaking bones doing something stupid. What a gift, this time, these connections.

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The pressure of a trip of a lifetime

My sister talked about feeling pulled in many directions and wanting to make the most of every moment as a daughter, mother, wife, aunt, and sister. I had some of that, too, and felt anxious about it on the first days of the trip. I wanted to be everywhere with everyone. I wanted Mom and Dad to have the trip of a lifetime.

I wasn’t thinking about what I wanted or needed. But then my daughter showed me. I watched her assert herself in ways I never would have when I was 20. She called the cabin steward to change her duvet when she noticed a stain, and she clearly communicated about her severe gluten allergy when ordering each meal.

Once I started doing what I wanted – skipping the after-dinner theatre show with my parents, snorkeling every day in port, taking an impromptu salsa lesson, and the occasional nap – I felt more at ease. Memorable moments happened naturally. I had long beach walks with Dad, beach lounger chats with Mom, yoga and an infinity pool dip with my sister, lunch under a palapa with my brother, and so many special experiences with each of the kids.

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At times, I caught myself also feeling deep joy just watching everyone having fun being together. It happened when we were walking in the rain one day, and the kids couldn’t stop laughing several paces ahead of us. I felt it again when I was snorkeling above my scuba-diving siblings and the kids, watching as they held a lobster and finned around an underwater sculpture.

On the last night of the cruise, when I asked Dad if he was having a good trip, he smiled and said yes, but that the best part was seeing his kids and grandkids having fun. Mom said the same thing. Earlier in the week, I had worried and wondered if they were enjoying it; they hadn’t gone snorkeling or joined in other activities. But finally I understood.

We disembarked with new memories and inside jokes, with newfound admiration for a niece who overcame a fear and a sibling who took a risk. The goodbye hugs lasted a little longer than usual. The gratitude was overwhelming. We kept lingering there on the curb outside the cruise terminal, not quite ready to go our separate ways.

The next day, each of us siblings called our parents, saying pretty much the same thing: It seemed weird that I didn’t get to talk to you today and wanted to, so I thought I’d call.

‘The gratitude was overwhelming’: How a second ‘trip-of-a-lifetime’ brought our multigenerational family closer together originally appeared on FamilyVacationist.com.

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The views and opinions expressed in this column are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY. FamilyVacationist.com and TourScoop.com are owned and operated by Vacationist Media LLC. Using the FamilyVacationist travel recommendation methodology, we review and select family vacation ideas, family vacation spots, all-inclusive family resorts, and classic family vacations for all ages. TourScoop covers guided group tours and tour operators, tour operator reviews, tour itinerary reviews and travel gear recommendations. If you buy an item through a link in our content, we may earn a commission.

This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: How a family cruise 25 years apart brought generations closer together

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