19 Red Flags That People Who Were Cheated On Missed — But Now See Very Clearly
Sometimes, the signs of cheating are right in front of us, but we choose to ignore them, whether out of trust, denial or simply not wanting to face the truth. From sudden changes in behavior to unexplained absences, the red flags are often there, waving boldly — of course, it isn't until after everything comes to light that people really recognize them.
Recently, Reddit user Echo-X9 wanted to know about the signs people who were cheated on disregard when they asked: "People who have been cheated on, what were the red flags you ignored at first?"
The thread got hundreds of responses. Below are the top and best comments:
1."She surprisingly stopped getting mad every time I did something stupid"
2."Suspiciously, out of nowhere, started sending me nudes or lewd pics while at work, the mall, bathrooms, etc. Guess I was not the only one receiving those. TBF, I guess it was pretty smart, lol."
3."Sending me on trips or random outings. He paid for me to take a weekend trip so that he and his side chick could spend uninterrupted time together. Would surprise me with spa days or pay for me to get my nails done so that he could have sex with her in our bed — she lived with her parents, and yes, she knew about me. The thought that she would be in our room while I was talking to him on the phone with him still haunts me. I will never get over that."
4."Got really distant. I thought he was just going through a depressive episode; we both struggled with it. Talked about a coworker in passing, not even a wild amount, but he never cared about his coworkers before. She went on a trip to her home country, and he brought home a lot of snacks that she had brought back. I said gee, this is a lot, and he said yeah, no one else wanted it, so I took it all."
"Started having trouble keeping it up. I attributed it to a depressive episode.
In retrospect, this was it. He kept it hidden amazingly well, no stereotypical cheater things like weird phone calls, disappearing, being weird with the phone, etc., but I guess it’s pretty easy to fool someone when they think you’re the complete opposite of a person who would ever cheat."
5."How seemingly small things I did annoyed her suddenly. Like she was building a case to justify hurting me. Immediately after the cheating, however, she was super nice to me. Took me out for food and drinks. Lovebombed me. Even then, I felt like something was off. Stopped taking care of her part of the chores. Her mind seemed elsewhere. Suuuuper touchy about her phone. It all made sense in hindsight, of course."
6."The sex literally just stopped overnight after a night out with her girlfriends. She got cold, distant, angry at even the slightest questioning over what was going on. I just assumed things were rough at work, so I ignored it for two and half years...more like I let her gaslight me if we're being honest. After three years, I called it off. Turns out she fucked somebody on the night out with her girlfriends three years prior when it all dropped off, and for at least the final seven months of the relationship, she was having an affair...although I now suspect it was significantly longer."
7."The one I looked back on from a long time ago that I was surprised I didn't catch is that my cat, who was very wary of other people, would casually lay down on the couch next to my neighbor when he would visit."
8."She was always worried and made up these outlandish conspiracies that I was cheating on her, and in the end, she had been cheating on me for years. Seems obvious now, looking back."
9."His hygiene improved. And he started acting so...different, even his family assumed he was struggling with his sexual identity. Turns out he was just cheating with his friend’s fiancé, and I guess she was just into that?"
10."Talking briefly about his past girlfriends, I brought up one and was like, whatever happened to her? And almost too fast, he said I don't know! We just lost contact. It turns out he was talking to her that whole time and seeing her when he went out of town."
11."Going out alone more often. Not wanting sex as often. Changing sheets on the bed more frequently. Taking more care of themselves, exercising, different hair style. New female friend that's not married or wanting to have girls nights."
12."Remember the old Instagram days, where there was a section that showed what people liked? She’d like photos of her ex that had her in them, and gaslight me when I confronted her. I was young, and as it was my first 'real' relationship, I tried to hold on to it even if, deep down, I knew what was going on. Yeah, set healthy limits! If they pull that kind of stuff, odds are that this 'love of your life' of yours is just a life lesson. So learn from that and grow to find a healthier relationship!"
13."She looked mortified when I surprised her and brought her brownies during her lunch break, then was strange about the usual amount of PDA. Introduced me by my first name and was careful not to call me her boyfriend."
14."Hiding texting at night. Locking his phone and even hiding notifications on the screen. Suddenly, not talking about his favorite new coworker."
15."A boys' ski trip out of town, even though I felt uneasy about the idea and had expressed that. It would have been somewhat easy for me to go, but he wasn't thrilled about the idea. I told him I would be happy to go do spa stuff while he skis, but no, no it was just the boys. He was very low contact for a few days and said he was just busy skiing and hanging out with friends. I felt like an idiot after finding out 18 fucking months later. Still hurts."
16."She changed completely at some point from us being so open with no secrets, letting each other be on each other's phones, to her going through my phone searching for anything, constantly. I was not allowed to be on hers, and if I could, she carefully watched what I was doing. Hiding her phone, swiping away apps or conversations when I'd come towards her or looked on her screen."
17."A water bottle in his apartment that had girly stickers on it, and he said his parents 'found it for him (??)' Didn’t make sense. Being secretive about his phone. NOT talking about any of the girls that he was friends with. So weird."
18."She was constantly going out to 'girls' nights' with her friends, usually to a bar or something, and usually always dressed in something incredibly revealing. Eventually she started cancelling dates that I planned with her to be out with her friends, that's how I found out."
19.And lastly, "When I’d say, 'I love you' in a text and I wouldn’t get a response."
You can read the original thread on Reddit.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
