Tell-tale signs of coercive control and what to do if you're experiencing it
A three-part documentary about Marilyn Manson airs this week and takes a deep dive into the life and career of the controversial musician as well as the allegations of abuse against him.
Manson, whose legal name is Brian Warner, has been accused of abuse, grooming and coercion by multiple women.
The second episode of the Channel 4 documentary features a number of women who allege that Warner subjected them to years of physical, sexual and psychological abuse.
While Manson has consistently denied all of the allegations against him and says his "intimate relationships have always been entirely consensual with like-minded partners", the documentary does shine a light on the topic of domestic abuse, including that of coercive control.
Controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship has been officially criminalised since 2015, but there is some concern from charities and experts that many are unsure about what actually constitutes controlling behaviour.
And this lack of awareness could be putting women at risk.
According to Women's Aid coercive control is an act or a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim.
"This controlling behaviour is designed to make a person dependent by isolating them from support, exploiting them, depriving them of independence and regulating their everyday behaviour," the site explains.
While every situation is unique, Sarah Davidge, head of research and evaluation at Women’s Aid says there are many some common signs of coercive control that the charity regularly sees in those experiencing it. "Some of these include an abuser isolating you from friends and family and depriving you of basic needs like food," she previously told Yahoo UK.
Another common sign is a partner monitoring your time and movements, often with the use of spyware or online tools. "An abuser is also likely to put you down and erode your confidence by humiliating, degrading and dehumanising you," Davidge continues.
Women's Aid has outlined some common examples of coercive behaviour including:
The abuser isolating you from friends and family
Depriving you of basic needs, like food
Monitoring your time and movements, often with the use of spyware or online communication tools
Taking control over your everyday life, like where you go, who you see, what you wear and even when you sleep
Repeatedly putting you down and eroding your confidence, humiliating, degrading and dehumanising you
Controlling your finances
Intimidating you or threatening you
Depriving your access to support or health services
Gaslighting you and making you doubt what you know to be the truth
Women’s Aid is keen to raise awareness of the issue, because coercive control offences have continued to rise since it was made illegal in 2015.
According to recent figures from Office for National Statistics (ONS), there were 45,310 offences of coercive control recorded by the police in England and Wales in the year ending March 2024. This is compared with 41,626 in the year ending March 2022, 33,954 in 2021 and 24,856 in the year ending March 2020.
Experts believe the rise in offences could be attributed to improvements made by the police in recognising incidents of coercive control and using the new law accordingly.
What to do if you or a friend think you are experiencing coercive control
If you find yourself experiencing coercive control in a relationship, it is important to remember you are not alone, and support is available to help you.
"If you’re not sure if your relationship is healthy or you’re worried about a friend or family member, Women's Aid are here for support," Davidge says.
She advises anyone who believes they might be the victim of coercive or controlling behaviour to make their safety the number one priority.
"Once you’ve made the decision to leave, remember – your safety is important, so plan your exit carefully," Davidge continues.
"Plan to leave at a time when you know your partner won’t be around. Try and take everything you will need with you, for example important documents relating to you and your children.
"If possible, it is a good idea to set aside a small amount of money, or even open a separate bank account."
How to help a friend in a controlling relationship
Davidge says a common question Women’s Aid get asked is what people should say to a friend or family member who they believe is being coerced and controlled.
"It is important to use supportive language, so instead of saying ‘if I were you, I’d leave’, show that you understand the barriers that they might be facing," she advises.
It is also important not to blame the person for the abuse that they are experiencing.
"Avoid saying things like ‘That sounds unlike them’ or ‘What did you do’ - instead, try ‘Your feelings are valid and I believe you’ or ‘You don’t deserve this, no matter what’.
"You must also remember to look after yourself, too, as domestic abuse can affect family and friends as well."
Where to go for help
Free and confidential support is available from Refuge’s 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247 and digital support via live chat Monday-Friday 3-10pm via nationaldahelpline.org.uk.
Anyone experiencing domestic abuse, including survivors of past abuse, can get help from Victim Support – regardless of whether or not it’s been reported to the police. Visit victimsupport.org.uk where you can get in touch via Live Chat or by calling the charity’s 24/7 support line on 08 08 16 89 111.
Women's Aid, with similar helplines available, also has information on how you can help your children, making a safety plan, and what to do if you're worried about someone else.
To access support over the phone, call: National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247
If you think you or someone else might be in danger, call the police immediately on 999. If it's hard to make contact for help, see this information page on what 'safe spaces' are.
Other places to go for help and advice:
NHS, getting help for domestic violence and abuse: nhs.uk
Government, how to get help: gov.uk
Men’s advice line, for men in abusive situations: mensadviceline.org.uk
Citizen’s Advice: citizensadvice.org.uk
Read more about domestic abuse:
Domestic abuse: How to get help and recognise the signs as victim shares horrific injuries (Yahoo News UK, 5-min read)
My boyfriend lovebombed me, then used coercive control to take over my life (Yahoo Life UK, 9-min read)
‘Boundaries’ or coercive control? Experts explain how to tell the difference (The Conversation, 5-min read)
