How to tell if separating is right for you as Divorce Day approaches

Marie-Claire Dorking
·Contributor
·5-min read
What is Divorce Day and when does it occur? (Getty Images)
What is Divorce Day and when does it occur? (Getty Images)

While many of us are dragging ourselves away from the mince pies and going back to work, others are battling a niggling feeling that our relationship is on the rocks.

Hold onto your wedding rings, everyone, for Divorce Day is approaching.

Falling on the first Monday of the New Year – which in 2025 is January 6th – 'Divorce Day' marks the date when lawyers reportedly see a spike in couples filing to end their marriages after the festivities are over.

Happy New Year!

While the most recent stats from the Office of National Statistics (ONS) reveals a fall in the total number of divorces in England and Wales, figures from the law firm, Stewarts, over the past few years have found that divorce enquiries spike in January, towards the end of the Christmas holiday period.

But while it is true to say that after Christmas there tends to be a rise in enquiries, Julian Bremner, divorce specialist and partner at Rayden Solicitors, says the reality is that more divorces commence in late January or early February.

However, there are several reasons why Christmas can be a testing time for relationships – for a start, spending prolonged periods with family over the festive season.

"For many, Christmas is a wonderful time of year full of good memories," Bremner previously told Yahoo Life. "For others, Christmas can be a more trying period.

"It can create needless tension within a family as arrangements for Christmas Day etc are entered into. It may also mean spending time with people that you ordinarily would not want to.

"The weather and lack of transport can sometimes mean that you are forced into proximity with people you may not have been getting on with or, in the case of your soon-to-be former partner, are thinking of divorcing," Bremner continues.

"So whilst Christmas is a joyous time for some, for others it can be a minefield of stress and strain."

All of this can bubble to the surface over the Christmas period and test relationships which may already be in difficulty.

Divorce Day falls in January and is when lawyers report a spike in the enquiries about getting divorced. (Getty Images)
Divorce Day falls in January and is when lawyers report a spike in the enquiries about getting divorced. (Getty Images)

This is a very personal decision, of course, but according to Bremner you will often know if separating is the right path.

Consider the practicalities

Bremner recommends considering the practical implications of starting divorce proceedings.

"Are you still to continue living under the same roof? How do you manage your life on a day-to-day basis? What do you tell the children and when? What other considerations do you have coming up in the future which will be impacted by this decision?" he says.

Ask yourself: Is your relationship salvageable?

Before starting divorce proceedings, make sure your relationship has completely broken down, instead of just going through a rough patch.

“A bad patch is usually driven by situational factors such as temporary pressure at work, the birth of a baby or temporary illness. These can be worked through with empathic communication,” Kate Daly, co-founder of online divorce services company Amicable and host of The Divorce Podcast, previously told Yahoo Life.

"A complete breakdown in a relationship is more challenging to repair. It’s often based on more fundamental differences on a deeper values level or a breach of trust.”

Daly cites psychologist John Gottman’s model that identifies if a relationship is salvageable. He concluded that a relationship is unlikely to last if it is characterised by one of these four behaviours: contempt, criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling.

"It’s probably best to seek professional help if these are features of your relationship," says Daly. "If you can’t overcome these issues, then it’s likely you’re headed for a divorce."

Couple arguing in front of their child. (Getty Images)
Navigating divorce can be tricky for parents. (Getty Images)

In some instances, divorce can be a mutual decision if you both feel that your relationship has run its course.

"This is particularly prevalent in longer marriages where issues may have been apparent for some time," explains Daly.

"Where there is an acceptance of the breakdown then agreeing to divorce can be a relief and a decision that can be taken mutually. The new laws also mean that you can divorce each other (by making a joint application to divorce) rather than one person being the instigator."

If you're the instigator of the split, then how you start the conversations about divorce often determine how amicable the separation will be.

"Never threaten divorce in the heat of the moment or during a row," Daly says. "This can fatally damage a relationship that could actually be repaired with some work."

She suggests taking time to consider whether the relationship is truly over and if it is, find a quiet time to tell your partner how you are feeling.

"Accept your partner is hearing this for the first time and will be shocked (even if you think it’s obvious there are problems)," she continues. "Remember you have been thinking about this for a while – they are in a different place emotionally and are likely to experience anger, denial and fear."

Daly recommends giving your partner space to process their emotions, keep the initial conversation short, but be prepared to revisit the conversation and answer their questions several times over.

"Don’t be tempted to wade in with discussions about how you’ll split money and property or where the children will live," she adds. "These are all important conversations but not for right now."

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