My boyfriend proposed, but I discovered he was leading a double life
How I was dumped is a Yahoo UK column in which anonymous writers share the shocking and heart-wrenching ways their relationship ended.
Clare* and Matt*, both then 36, had been together for a year when he proposed but a nasty shock was in store for his unsuspecting fiancée.
Matt* and I met through work – he was a freelance sports and events photographer, and I was a writer. We clicked instantly – he was tall, blond and funny. We never ran out of things to talk about, especially banter over our favourite musicians and sports teams. He was also a phenomenal cook. Having cooked so long for myself, it was such a nice change after a long day to have someone do something for me. He’d prep in the kitchen while we chatted over a glass of wine. I felt like he had my back and was a good sounding board for my ideas.
I’ve always been an empathetic listener and looked for the best in people, so was happy to listen to his work troubles when he felt hard done by. He quickly revealed his past including his troubled childhood, losing touch with his adopted sister, then being taken in by his aunt and his acrimonious recent divorce. I felt sorry that he’d faced so much adversity in his life and I wanted to be his rock. But a tiny rational part of me thought his victim mentality made him seem like he had a chip on his shoulder, which almost attracted problems for him.
Falling in love
He told me I was the only one he felt he could count on – he didn’t feel welcome at his aunt’s anymore because her husband wanted him out. So, he spent most nights at mine, apart from if he was covering an evening event. We settled into a comfortable routine.
With Valentine’s Day approaching, he told me he wanted to do something special to show how much I meant to him, so he told me to get all dressed up and he’d meet me in town for cocktails to get the evening started. He gave me the option of three phenomenal places for dinner, offering to book a table. I chose a magical one on the Royal Mile in Edinburgh.
I felt sorry he'd faced so much adversity in life. He told me I was the only one he felt he could count on.
Weirdly, when we arrived, there was no record of a booking. My heart sank, Matt’s frustration was obvious, but thankfully the maître d managed to fit us in. The rest of the evening went smoothly, and to top it off while I was falling asleep, he popped a ring on my finger and told me ‘the best was yet to come’ because he ‘wanted to make me his wife’.
I had strangely mixed emotions – I was happy that something I’d wanted for a long time was happening to me, but I’d hoped a proposal would be more memorable. Something didn’t seem quite right, but I couldn’t quite make out what. I was no expert on engagement rings, but it looked a little odd and was pretty scuffed.
Spiralling mood
A few weeks later, he was let go from the photography agency where he’d been a stringer and his mood plummeted. I encouraged him to see a doctor and look into therapy because he had a lot of issues to work through. At the same time, my grandmother was ill, so I had to go away for a few days.
While I was away, Matt posted some stunning photos online of a famous Edinburgh landmark. Beneath it, was a comment from a girl whose name I didn’t recognise and it seemed a little overfamiliar.
While I was away, Matt posted some stunning photos online of a famous Edinburgh landmark. Beneath it was a comment from a girl whose name I didn’t recognise and it seemed a little overfamiliar. I mulled it over, but then decided to PM her, very nonchalantly, to ask how they knew each other. Matt told me she was just an old friend who he’d caught up with.
Wanting space
After I got back from my grandmother’s, I finally managed to get Matt to see a doctor. It also happened to be my birthday, so rather than the special day we had planned, things completely unravelled.
He broke down in tears and told me he felt like his life was falling apart and he needed to take a step back from us. He said I deserved to be treated better, after all the love I’d shown him. But he said that things should improve for us once he got his life back on track. On the way to the doctors, I saw I had a reply from this girl, but didn’t get a chance to check it until after I dropped him off.
He broke down in tears and told me he felt like his life was falling apart.
My heart sank. In it, this girl detailed when and where she’d slept with Matt, showing me irrefutable proof. They’d been in daily contact over Skype for a month. The messages between them detailed how much he loved her and couldn’t wait to make her his new wife – exactly what he'd said to me!
A dark secret
I felt shellshocked, heartbroken and like an absolute idiot. I tried to contact him for an explanation but his phone was turned off. Matt had told this girl that I was just someone who wanted to be his girlfriend but wasn't. And to make things worse, he convinced her that I was the crazy one, so her and her best mate sent me a barrage of evil voicemails and horrible messages on social media, me reporting and blocking them as fast as they appeared. Eventually I involved the police and the messages abruptly stopped.
He convinced her that I was the crazy one, so her and her best mate sent me a barrage of evil voicemails and horrible messages on social media.
And as for Matt? I heard nothing from him – until two years later, when out of the blue he contacted me from a new account, and said after his recent cancer scare, he’d done a lot of thinking about his behaviour. Still no apology though. The other girl suffered a similar fate to me and he disappeared off to America.
Something in me broke after that experience. I couldn’t ever imagine someone could be so deceptive and manipulative towards a person who’d shown them nothing but kindness. I felt like such a mug. Although I like to see the good in people, it’s made me a lot more sceptical, though I would never be that cruel.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more: All of Yahoo UK's How I was dumped stories.
