The best sex positions for couples to reignite your spark
Has your libido taken a dip? From childbirth to the menopause and general stress, a number of lifestyle factors can impact sexual desire. But while it’s perfectly normal to experience fluctuations in your sex drive, if your interest in getting intimate with your partner has dipped, it can play havoc with your relationship, your mood and your self-esteem.
However, lack of arousal doesn’t necessarily mean that something is amiss, so don’t be alarmed if your libido has dropped. Here we share the best sex positions and top tips to reignite the spark in the bedroom when sex has fallen by the wayside.
16 best sex positions to try
We asked the experts to help us discover the best sex positions for couples looking to reignite passion in the bedroom. Remember you can also add a sex toy to mix things up, such as a bullet vibrator, vibrating ring or wand vibrator. Plus, many of the penetrative positions in this round-up can be adapted with a strap-on (like this one with clitoral stimulation bunny ears).
1. Missionary
We're sure you're familiar with the classic missionary – there's a reason why it's one of the most popular sex positions – but something as simple as adding a pillow or a sex wedge into the mix can seriously spice things up! It's can easily be adapted for use with a strap-on, or it can be a fun non-penetrative way to grind on each other.
"Missionary involves the [receiving] partner lying on [their] back, with the other partner on top facing them," explains sex and relationships expert Kate Moyle. "To add variation, place a pillow under your back or hips, or you can slightly lift your hips to meet your partner or change the position of your legs. In general, the top partner is the one controlling depth and speed, but as the bottom partner you can also guide your partner by putting your hands on their hips and pulling them towards you in a rhythm to show them what works better for you."
2. Cowgirl
The cowgirl requires a little more effort, but it can be a hugely enjoyable sex position for both parties, especially if you add a sex toy into the mix. We recommend using a magic wand. "The penetrating partner lies on their back with the receiving partner kneeling astride them," explains Kate. "The top partner then uses the other's body as the support, by pushing off with their hands to control the rhythm and depth of penetration."
3. The Chairman
You can switch the cowgirl sex position up by turning around, which is known as the reverse cowgirl or the chairman. "It's the same as the cowgirl position but the top partner is facing the other way, towards their partner's feet rather than their face, and using their partner's legs for support," says Kate. The chairman is also great for intimate non-penetrative sex, as the bottom partner can reach around and stimulate the top partner using their hands or a sex toy, while they grind on their lap.
4. 69
If you’ve never tried the 69 before, the clue is in the name. "Both partners position themselves so that their mouth is near the other's genitals," explains Kate. "One partner lies on their back and the other is above them with their knees straddling their partner's head." But, this simultaneous oral sex position doesn’t appeal to everyone, so don’t worry if it’s not for you. There are plenty more sexual positions to try.
5. Doggy Style
The name of this great sex position doesn’t do it justice, as it can be a huge turn on for both parties. "Doggy style involves the receiver being on their hands and knees while the giver kneels and penetrates them from behind," explains Ruby Payne, sex and relationship expert for adult toy retailer, UberKinky. "There’s a lot to unpack with doggy, as it dips its toe into the waters of power play – the receiver is giving up control, while the giver is taking it completely. It also allows for more depth." For maximum results, try using a clitoral stimulator at the same time if you're the receiving partner.
6. Magic Mountain
If you're looking for real intimacy and connection, mutual masturbation is an underrated way to turn up the heat and get to know one another's likes and dislikes in the process. Start by facing each other with your legs loosely entwined, but only touching yourself. Slowly stroke and rub yourself while maintaining eye contact with each other. As you get increasingly aroused, begin to reach across the divide and caress each other, taking note of how your partner prefers to touch themselves and following suit.
7. Standing Sex
Standing sex is a sex position that may take a bit of getting used to, but once you’ve found your balance it can be seriously steamy. "There are plenty of variations of standing positions, and you may find it easier if you're similar in height. "Use a prop like a stool if there is a big height difference," suggests Kate. "Most commonly the penetrating partner will hold up one of their partner's legs to assist movement. Standing positions are also great in places like the shower where there isn't space to lie down. Equally the receiving partner can be lifted by the other so that their legs are wrapped around them, and leaning back against a wall can then offer support."
8. The Butter Churner
This culinary-inspired sex position involves lying on your back with your legs akimbo and raised above your head. Your partner then squats down and penetrates you from above. Don't worry, you won't need to use any actual butter to achieve this (but we'd recommend lube). The position gets its name from the thrusting motion that is said to mimic the act of churning butter. Fans report deeper penetration, but you do need to have a certain degree of flexibility to achieve this one, so proceed with caution.
9. Spooning
If you're in the mood for a slow and comfortable session, spooning can be one of the best sex positions. "Start by lying on your sides, the receiving partner in front with their back pressed to their partner’s chest. The giving partner then penetrates from behind, which can also make it a great position for strap-on users as there is a lot of intimate and body to body contact" explains Kate. "Typically, this is a slower and gentler sex position perfect for lazy mornings." To boost your orgasm power, use a clitoral finger vibe at the same time.
10. The Wheelbarrow
The Wheelbarrow requires considerable upper body strength and a fair amount of endurance to make it work. But, if you do have the stamina to stand on your hands for any length of time while your partner penetrates you from the back (holding you like a wheelbarrow, hence the name) your other half gets to enjoy a great view, and deeper and more satisfying penetration to boot. If this all sounds rather ambitious, you can modify it by using your knees to support you, or investing in a sex wedge to prop you up more comfortably.
11. The Pretzel
The pretzel sex position is surprisingly straightforward, and comes with the intimacy of missionary and the raw sexual energy usually reserved for doggy. Simply lie on your side, while your partner straddles you from the back with your leg hovering halfway in the air, kind of like a pretzel shape. The benefits of this relaxed sexual position include increased eye contact, space to smooch and you can easily use a sex toy on yourself at the same time. We recommend Ricky's Ultimate Wand Massager Vibrator for external stimulation and deliciously long and slow orgasms.
12. Table Top
If you have the house to yourself and no fear of unexpected guests, you can’t go wrong with the table top. "The receiving partner lies or sits on their back on a table or a bed with their legs slightly apart hanging over the edge or bent at the knees," explains Kate. "You can also use any surface which offers you the support while positioning your pelvis' at roughly the same height. The penetrating partner then remains standing between their legs. For a variation of this position you could also have the receiving partner lying on their front."
13. Woman on Top
When you’re feeling adventurous, woman on top can be an incredibly powerful sexual position that provides easy reach to your sensitive body parts. "The receiving partner climbs on top, as if getting into a cowgirl position but this time leans back and places [their] hands on the bed or surface that you are lying on, creating a 45-degree angle with the partner's legs," explains Kate. "This is a great position for G-Spot stimulation, or for additional clitoral stimulation from your partner." If you need extra help, get your partner to slip on a vibrating cock ring or a strap-on with clitoral stimulation bunny ears.
14. The Eagle
This bird-themed position has a number of different variations, but in its simplest form it’s basically missionary but with your legs spread, rather like the wings of an eagle. Once you're in position you can hold your ankles, hook your feet round your lover or do whatever feels fun in the moment. Variations include standing eagle or sofa spread eagle, both of which are self-explanatory, or the exposed eagle, which is similar to the lotus but with your legs spread.
15. The Dragon
If you're tired and not in an energetic mood (no judgement, we've all been there) the dragon is one of the best sex positions for a leisurely encounter. Similar to doggy style, your partner rides you from the back, but in this instance you're both lying flat on the bed. Benefits include a slow and comfortable encounter, deeper penetration, and grinding the bed beneath you can also feel rather good. Just don't forget the lube.
16. Yab Yum
Ready to try something totally new? Let us introduce you to the Yab Yum sex position. "It's a really accessible tantric sex position, allowing you to take intimacy to new levels," explain Holly and Kalila, co-founders of sexual wellness brand SheSpot. "It's like a super sensual hug where one person sits cross-legged, and the other sits on their lap, wrapping around their arms and legs. The person sitting on the floor or bed is usually the penetrative partner, with either a penis or perhaps a sex toy or fingers. Once both partners are face-to-face, slow movement can be added, rocking hips back and forth to add stimulation, all the while keeping eye contact and plenty of body contact to boost intimacy. This doesn't have to be a penetrative position, though - instead you could simply glide against one another, just don't forget the lube!"
How to boost your sex drive
Sometimes all you need to kickstart your love life is to try a different sex position. "Variety is one of the keys to encouraging and maintaining desire and interest, as like anything in life we habituate to repeated experiences," says Psychosexual Therapist & Psycho-Sexologist Kate Moyle.
Try changing one thing every time you have a sexual experience with your partner, suggests Kate. "So that could be something as simple as lights on or off, clothing, adding sex toys, switching sexual positions, changing locations or using lubricant – the list is endless, but these are small manageable ways of creating shifts when it comes to our sex lives, and not getting stuck in routines," she says.
How sex toys can transform your love life
If you’re new to the world of bedroom gadgets, you're in for a treat. Sex toys are an excellent way to add a touch of sparkle between the sheets. They're more than just pleasure tools though. The right vibe can also help create the below:
• Extra sensation: Sex toys can provide different sensations and types of stimulation, says Kate. "There is such a huge range of sex toys, types of pleasure they can create, and ways that they can be used," she adds.
• Orgasm power: Only 18% of women orgasm from penetrative sex alone, research has shown. But add a vibe into the mix and this number magically jumps, so treat yourself to longer, deeper and more intense orgasms, because you deserve it.
• Relationship bonding: Sex toys are a good complement to partnered sex. "They can be used for all over body touch, such as using a simple bullet vibrator as a part of foreplay or a wand vibrator, building up arousal and desire by running it down the spine, across the inner thighs or over the nipples," says Kate.
• Deeper connection: Kate recommends you talk about using sex toys with your partner beforehand. "Perhaps choose a couple's toy together so that you are both on the same page," she says. "Like trying anything new, communication is the critical ingredient to you both feeling relaxed, comfortable and confident." A simple handheld vibrator is a great place to start for all couples as it can be used to tease and build up sensation all over the body.
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