What is a relationship check-in and what are the benefits?
You may have seen social media posts in recent days from couples carrying out annual “check-in” sessions with one another - a trend that has become more popular as we entered 2024.
On platforms like X, formerly Twitter, or TikTok, some couples share videos of their process, what questions they ask one another, and what shared goals they are working towards this year - as well as how they can support and better communicate with each other.
Those who practise relationship “check-ins” say it helps them maintain a healthy, happy relationship. While it isn’t always easy to do so, it’s worth putting in the work and striving towards a better, more fulfilling life together.
While the idea of such a session - during which you and your partner examine your relationship in quite minute detail - might seem daunting and unromantic, many experts recommend a regular sit-down with your significant other as a way of staying connected and on the same page.
Neuroscientist and human behaviour expert Eldin Hasa tells Yahoo UK that regular relationship check-ins can “significantly improve communication and strengthen the bond between partners” - far from being unromantic, these sessions can actually help you form a deeper connection.
“By setting aside dedicated time to discuss feelings, concerns, and expectations, couples can address issues before they escalate,” he explains.
Benefits of a relationship check-in
Hasa, who has written extensively about the topic in his book Are We All F***ed, says there are a huge number of benefits to carrying out regular check-ins with your partner. These include:
1. Enhanced communication: Partners can express their thoughts and feelings effectively, leading to a deeper understanding.
2. Increased emotional intimacy: Sharing vulnerabilities and fears strengthens the emotional bond between partners.
3. Preventing resentment: By addressing concerns promptly, regular check-ins can prevent frustrations from accumulating.
4. Mutual goal setting: Partners can discuss their individual and shared goals, ensuring that they are on the same page.
5. Increased relationship satisfaction: By dedicating time to prioritise the relationship, partners demonstrate their commitment to each other's happiness.
6. Improved problem-solving skills: Partners can brainstorm solutions, consider compromises, and find common ground.
7. Heightened self-awareness: Self-awareness promotes personal growth and allows individuals to better understand their contribution to the relationship.
8. Strengthened emotional support: Partners have a safe space to seek and provide emotional support, which leads to increased satisfaction and happiness.
9. Reinforcement of relationship rituals: Couples reinforce habits that nurture their relationship, which helps sustain the emotional connection over time.
10. Building stronger connections: By sharing vulnerabilities, dreams, and desires, couples forge a bond that goes beyond surface-level interactions.
How often should you have a relationship check-in?
How often you should have a relationship check-in varies from couple to couple. Some couples benefit from weekly check-ins, while others might prefer doing them monthly, Hasa says.
“The key is to find a frequency that works for both partners, ensuring there is ample time to address concerns and maintain the emotional connection,” he adds.
If you’re interested in initiating a check-in with your partner, it can be as simple as setting aside dedicated time to have a conversation.
You can mutually agree on the day and time and create a routine that “reinforces the importance of these check-ins”, Hasa recommends. “Additionally, initiating check-ins can be done by expressing the desire to improve the relationship, express gratitude and suggesting regular conversations as a means to achieve this goal.”
Should you have relationship check-ins in your 40s and 50s?
Couples who have been together for a long time or are more mature in their relationship may not think a relationship check-in is necessary at this stage. But according to Kate Beavis, menopause wellness coach and pro-age campaigner, the answer is: you absolutely should consider them.
This is because relationships and marriages can break down in mid-life, and this is often due to menopause and its effect on women’s confidence, in addition to male partners not understanding the change.
Beavis tells Yahoo UK: “Often the woman doesn't even know what is happening resulting in mixed messages, confusion, and each person blaming the other.
“Issues such as insomnia, memory loss, anxiety, rage, weight gain, loss of libido and vaginal atrophy (leading to painful sex) to name a few, affect relationships. Therefore checking in is crucial but before this, both need to understand what is happening and get the support needed which can be HRT and vaginal HRT.
“Both need to read up, listen to each other, be patient and supportive, and understand that hormones are the issue, not each other.”
Beavis advises partners of menopausal women to be patient, particularly when it comes to sex, and to check in with one another on an ongoing basis.
“Trial different ways to be intimate and check in as to whether these work and feel OK. Remember what works today may not work tomorrow. Communicate how you both feel honestly.”
After menopause has ended, women often reflect on the rest of their lives and seek change, Beavis says. These changes can “again affect relationships as one may feel held back or forgotten about”.
“Sit down and agree on what the next stage of your lives looks like together. Set timelines and check in with each other about these. Make a plan and include each other.”
What questions should you ask in a relationship check-in?
Hasa provides a few questions to get you started in your first relationship check-in:
How are you feeling?
Is there anything you are dealing with that you'd like to get off of your chest?
Is there anything you would like to improve in our relationship?
What can I do to support you better?
Are there any recent conflicts or concerns that we need to address?
Are there any unmet needs or expectations you have in our relationship?
Read more about sex and relationships:
Having an affair makes cheaters happier in their marriage, survey finds (Yahoo Life UK, 2-min read)
How to know if separating is right for you as Divorce Day approaches (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
I had a threesome with my best friend and her husband, but it ended their marriage (Yahoo Life UK, 7-min read)
