"Get Away From The Kids, Man": 45 Million People Watched This Dad Protect His Wife's Mental Health By Setting Boundaries Between Her And Their Kids
Family dynamics can be tricky. So, when father and licensed therapist Kier Gaines, known as @kiergaines on Instagram and TikTok, shared a video dismantling the internet's perception of how a healthy family should communicate, people immediately started waving green flags.
In a video viewed by more than 43 million people, Kier is in the kitchen when he notices his daughter entering a room his wife is in. "Boo Boo, give mommy some space, OK?" he said. However, his daughter responds, "OK, I just wanted to ask her a question."
"I know. Let’s give her a little privacy. Let’s give her a moment," he continued.
"You know how sometimes you go up in your room and you don’t want to be bothered, and we give you your space? I think everybody in the house needs that sometimes, what you think?" he asked.
Later in the video, Kier's wife offers to help him in the kitchen, but he basically tells her to enjoy time away from their kids while she still can.
In the video's caption, Kier wrote, "Before starting a family, I had no idea that: 1. I would have to save my wife from the kids so often. I don't care how involved you are, kids want their mommy, and boundaries are constantly having to be enforced."
"2. I’d have to save my wife from needlessly taking on responsibilities when she legit does not have to.
3. The exhaustion that I felt in college was just level 10 out of infinity. This is another level 😂
4. You spend endless hours cleaning, only for it to look that way again in six hours. Three hours if they’re home all day.
5. How… Much… Money… It… Costs!!!!
6. 'Go take a break' is a love language.
7. How much joy fills your house with all the different personalities bouncing off one another.
8. I’d appreciate my partner not fighting me when I advise her to take a break. Makes it a more comfortable place to share perspectives candidly.
9. and 10. See number five."
In the comments of Kier's video, green flags were flying. "THAT'S A BLACK KING RIGHT THERE," this person exclaimed.
"Wait this is what a healthy family looks like," this person asked jokingly.
"I'd cook and clean for a man who treats me like this," this person said.
"sis he was on the front line in the trenches like 'SAVE YOURSELF' as a single mom, I love the intention in this partnership."
Many parents related to the challenge of enforcing boundaries in their households. "I gotta be like a bouncer so mommy gets space from the baby," this person shared.
"Oh how I wish my partner could see that I'm a human being with needs BEFORE I get to the point of complete break down," this person said.
"When she's your wife before she's a mother >>>" this person pointed out.
"I want people to know how much communication this takes. It doesn't always just 'happen,'" this person shared.
In an interview with BuzzFeed, Kier shared that he and his wife of five years, Noemie, are still working on healthy communication. "We fail at it often," he said. "We just got good at this four years ago, and I can see more and more improvement every year."
While he was surprised by the overwhelming reaction to the video, he said he wasn't surprised that people could relate to it or wanted to be able to relate to it. "I understand that many people don't feel adequately supported in their partnerships, and this perhaps represents some of the dynamics they'd like to see in their relationships."
"On the other hand, men are socially framed as selfish, unaware, and incompetent. This video challenged that stereotype without being scripted or staged. I'm not a unicorn, just horribly underrepresented," he said.
Gaines shared what often keeps families from achieving effective communication. "I've noticed that people have a distorted idea of communication. They desire the part where they convey a message, the other person receives it, and acts on it in a way that makes them feel heard and whole."
Ultimately, in his experience, the biggest misconception about having healthy communication within a family unit is "that being hurt precludes you from being wrong. Your feelings are always valid, but how you express them can still be unhelpful to progress. Sometimes, you're the problem!" he declared.
The advice he wishes he had before starting a family could also help other people working on bettering their family's communication. "The things that are good for the collective may not feel good for you as an individual," he said.
What do you think? How are you and your family working to improve your communication? Let us know in the comments!
