Apparently The Women’s Institute Is The UK’s Biggest Organised Crime Racket
Step away from the contraband Dame Helen! [Photo: Rex Features]
Think of a crime racket and your mind will likely conjure up images of gangster types meeting in hushed corners of dingy pubs. Not groups of middle aged women in pearls and twinsets chatting about local gossip as they make a batch of rhubarb jam.
But it seems we may have all been misjudging the Women’s Institute. As according to Sergeant Colin Norden of Cambridgeshire Police, the genteel façade of the WI is in fact a front for the biggest organised crime ring in the UK.
Wait, what? *checks calendar to see if it’s April 1st*
Speaking at a public council meeting on why the police don’t always prosecute anti-social behaviour, Sergeant Norden made the surprising revelation to the audience who were stunned into nervous laughter.
“The WI are the biggest organised crime group,” he said. “That would be quite a controversial thing to say but they pick wild berries with the intent to sell them at a fete. That’s a crime.”
So, just to be clear, the biggest organised crime group the UK faces, isn’t in fact a terror cell or a network of hardened drug traffickers, but a bunch of do-gooders accused of illegally robbing wild berries and selling them on in the form of fruit crumbles for a measly profit. Excuse us while we spit out our tea.
Next time you buy jam from the WI better check you’re not in receipt of stolen goods [Photo: Rex Features]
But don’t worry WI fans because though the police are well aware of the group’s dodgy dealings, they have no intention to actually prosecute. Which is a relief because the maximum sentence for the offence which is classed as theft, is a whopping seven years imprisonment. And then where would the country be without it’s jam making, cake baking heart?
Speaking of the group’s criminal accusation, Sally Kingman, chairman of Cambridge Federation of Women’s Institutes said: “I think it shows that WI ladies are very sensible and resourceful especially as one of our recent campaigns is entitled “Love Food Hate Waste”!
“The WI members probably consider that it is much better to pick fruit off the public hedgerows and turn it into delicious pies, tarts and puddings rather than leave it to rot and go to waste on the trees and bushes.
"What a treat it is to end a meal with a homemade blackberry fruit crumble; even better if washed down with a glass of homemade elderberry wine!” Indeed!
Beware the fruit pie bought from the WI! [Photo: Rex Features]
She went on to quip that if the police were intending to lock up their ladies, they have been rather slow on the uptake considering the organisation has recently celebrated their 100th anniversary.
"If Cambridgeshire Police think that the WI are the biggest organised crime group then they have been slow to react as the WI movement was 100 years old last year!”
So next time you’re at a village fete and you buy some jam from the WI, make sure there’s no police around, or you could be arrested for receiving goods sold on the black(current) market. Badoom tish!
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