What it's really like to have sexsomnia
Sexsomnia is an unusual condition, but probably one you've heard of. If you haven't, it's a rare disorder (a 2015 study found only 94 recorded cases) that causes a person to engage in sexual activity while asleep. I know right, it doesn't sound real. But, it is, and like most sleep disorders, it's a type of parasomnia that happens when your brain gets caught between sleep stages. Yep.
Experts say the triggers for an episode can be lack of sleep, extreme exhaustion, drug and alcohol use, stress, anxiety, travel or simply sharing a bed with someone. And, it's been pretty controversial as judges have been known to overturn rape convictions, ruling that the accused was suffering from sexsomnia.
One guy, who claims to be cursed with the disorder, has taken to Reddit to explain what it's really like to live with sexsomina. And erm, it sounds horrendous (for everyone involved).
"The reason I’m telling this story is because often times I see [stories] about sexsomnia that paint a picture of it being not that big of a deal. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it is. Different people react differently to it," he explains. "Please, just be aware that sexsomnia isn’t always a harmless thing."
"It isn't always a harmless thing"
The 29-year-old says it all first started in his early 20s when he was in a relationship with a girlfriend of five years. "My girlfriend at the time did not mind it and in fact enjoyed it," he claims. "It was never an issue in our relationship."
He says that after their relationship ended and he started dating other women, he always made sure to tell his partners about the condition. Then, a year ago, he started dating someone new, who was a sexual abuse survivor.
"I quickly became madly in love with her. It was the best I had felt about another person since my previous relationship. When I finally asked her to sleepover, I told her about my condition. It’s always a difficult thing to explain, but I knew I had to. She freaked out and left. For some reason me telling her about my sexsomnia triggered anxiety she had from sexual abuse she had from a previous boyfriend. She broke things off with me shortly after."
But, after a few months, they started things up again. "She seemed to have worked past her anxiety. I slept over her place one night and had an episode," he says. "She didn’t tell me. She didn’t want to upset me, but the abuse anxiety returned for her."
The worst episode
Then, one night when they were in bed together, he "grabbed and pulled her wrist in a violent way". He claims the episodes usually occur while he's coming out of sleep, so he's aware of the last few seconds as he comes to.
"As it happened, I couldn’t believe it. It’s not me. It’s not the kind of person I am. I would never hurt someone like that. The look of fear and sadness in her eyes still haunts me," he says. "She had a tough time believing me, and that I wasn’t in control when these things occurred."
Over the next couple of weeks, they chatted and tried to keep the relationship going. As you can imagine, her anxiety couldn’t allow her to relax with him. "Her body shut down around me," he says. "I could tell by the way she grew distant that things were ending. It was devastating. I loved her."
Let's hope that sleep specialist can help this guy out, because the disorder sounds truly awful for those who share a bed with him.
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