I had to end my pregnancy because my secret boyfriend didn't want the baby
Jenny*, 42, a lawyer from the Midlands, had an affair for two years with Will*, a married man. Their relationship soured when she unexpectedly got pregnant and he urged her to have an abortion. Here she shares her story...
I remember the first time I met Will*. He was standing at the bar looking smart in a tux and laughing with my colleagues. We were at an awards do at in a London hotel and everyone was getting pleasantly tipsy. Will had twinkly blue eyes and a mischievous smile. Although we had, as it turned out, both worked in the same office building for two years, I’d never noticed him until that night.
We got chatting and he complimented me on my dress. The conversation flowed and when we realised we were on the same table, I felt hugely flattered when Will moved the place names around so we could sit next to each other.
We spent the whole night talking and laughing together. He told me he had two young daughters with his wife, Helen*, and that they had been together since sixth form. I told him I’d recently broken up with my partner who had moved abroad for work and was enjoying the single life. "He must be a total idiot to break up with you," he said. He was a little flirty but there was nothing inappropriate about it.
I left, slightly worse for wear, after a brilliant evening but, as Will was married, I didn’t think anything of it. I couldn’t deny the fact I fancied him though. He was a charmer.
Growing closer
Over the next few weeks, Will started messaging me at work and what started as the odd coffee became lunch and then wine after work. He began confiding in me and we grew closer.
He told me that his wife had an affair after their first child and talked about how devastated he'd been. He had been working all the time and she'd felt lonely, he said. They had patched things up and then she became pregnant again with their second child, who was now three. He told me he had tried very hard to move on but had started taking antidepressants to get him through.
I felt so sorry for him and shocked that his wife could have done that to him. I looked her up on Instagram and saw she was a pretty, petite blonde who looked like one of those 'mumfluencer' types.
I became a sounding board for him and soon we were texting each other every day, sharing the minutiae of our lives, from what we did at the weekend to our favourite bands.
The turning point
Four months after the awards do, Will was walking me to the train station one Wednesday evening and leaned in and kissed me. I’d like to say it took me be surprise but to be honest, I was expecting it. I knew from the way that he looked at me that he had feelings for me.
I knew from the way he looked at me that he had feelings for me.
"I’ve wanted to do that ever since I first saw you," he said. I didn’t want that kiss to end.
"I’ve got to go, else I’ll miss my train. I’ll text you," I said, my heart pounding.
The texts came thick and fast on my journey home and I kept replaying the kiss in my head over and over. Any principles I had about him being married vanished.
Over the following months, we spent as much time together as we could and Will told me he had never felt this way and how much he regretted marrying Helen.
Swept away by passion
We couldn’t get enough of each other. The thought of getting pregnant had never crossed my mind as I’d had a contraceptive implant fitted a few years before.
I’d never been what you would call a particularly maternal person. I am the eldest of four and practically brought my youngest siblings up as my parents both worked full-time, so I knew what hard work children were.
I enjoyed my life, loved lying in at weekends, travelling and having enough disposable income to buy a few little luxuries. Why, I reasoned, would I ever give all that up?
That all changed when I found out I was pregnant. When I realised I was a few days late, I knew something was up. I was 39 and knew this could be my last chance.
The thought of having Will’s baby changed everything. The feeling that I would have a part of him seemed magical.
The thought of having Will’s baby changed everything. The feeling that I would have a part of him seemed magical. I thought of the three of us becoming a family and how that would change things. Surely now he would leave Helen, I thought.
Breaking the news
The day I told Will I was pregnant was, however, one of the worst days of my life. I’d taken the most recent test (I’d done about five by then) along with me and when he arrived at the bar and asked if I’d like my usual – dry white wine spritzer – I shook my head.
"Not this time," I said. "Sit down please."
He looked grave and pulled up a chair next to me. "I have some news. I know it’s not what we planned but guess what? We’re going to have a baby!" I told him excitedly. A look of disbelief crossed his face.
"I thought you couldn’t get pregnant with the implant?" he said.
I explained that it was unlikely but not impossible and that having thought about it, I had decided I really wanted to keep this baby.
"We can be a family," I said. "But I already have a family," he replied bluntly. I felt winded, like someone had punched me in the chest.
'We can be a family,' I said.... 'But I already have a family,' he replied bluntly.
Will told me that he needed some time to think and over the next few weeks he practically ghosted me. I felt increasingly despondent and tried to give him space but I felt desperate at times.
When he finally agreed to meet he told me that he was sorry, he would never leave Helen or the girls, and that he couldn’t support me or this baby. I was devastated.
"You told me I was the love of your life," I said. "I got it wrong," was his response. He seemed so cold and distant, like a switch had been turned off. I couldn’t believe that this was the man I knew.
The hardest decision
I spoke to my sister and a few close friends who told me I deserved better and a few weeks later, I booked in to have the pregnancy terminated. I knew I didn’t want to have a baby alone but it was still such a hard decision.
The days that followed were some of the most difficult I’ve ever had. I felt empty and couldn’t stop crying. All I wanted was Will to hold me and tell me it was going to be okay. I blocked his number and social media channels, and booked in to see a therapist.
I resigned two months after my abortion and started a new job. I haven’t had any contact with Will since that fateful, final meeting. I haven’t started dating again, as I know I’m still healing.
The days that followed were some of the most difficult I’ve ever had. I felt empty and couldn’t stop crying.
If any of my friends told me they'd got involved with a married man, I would tell them to run the other way. My experience has scarred me, but I’m glad I didn’t have the baby in the end. I hope in time that I will move on from Will and I know I will never make the same mistake again.
*Names have been changed to protect identities.
Read more on relationships:
The professions most likely to have an affair (Yahoo Life UK, 3-min read)
Guildford tops list of UK destinations where married couples are most likely to cheat (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
My wife told me on Valentine’s Day she’d had an affair and was leaving me (Yahoo Life UK, 5-min read)
