My 7-Year-Old Was The Target Of An Antisemitic Joke. Here's What I Told Him.
“Dad, do I have short arms?”
The question came from my 7-year-old son during one of our morning drives to school. As a divorced father with limited time with my twins, these car conversations were usually a highlight of my week. But not this one.
“All Jews have short arms,” he continued. “That’s why they can’t reach their wallets.”
I slowed down the car, my heart pounding as I processed what I’d just heard. These were the same antisemitic “jokes” I had faced decades earlier.
What might seem like casual jokes can have harmful effects on children’s development. “Children exposed to discrimination can experience emotional challenges that affect their self-esteem and ability to form healthy relationships,” Reena B. Patel, a parenting expert and licensed educational board-certified behavior analyst, told HuffPost. “These encounters can trigger a domino effect, impacting everything from academic performance to social relationships and even physical health.”
The urgency of addressing antisemitism has only grown. A report by the American Jewish Committee revealed a troubling reality: 44% of Jewish college students experienced antisemitism on campus, while a quarter felt compelled to hide their Jewish identity. The Anti-Defamation League reports record levels of antisemitic propaganda in the United States.
That drive to school began an ongoing conversation that would evolve as my children grew. It was the guidance I wish I had during my school years at an elite private Christian school, where I heard these antisemitic jibes daily. They started with mockery about physical features and progressed to Holocaust “humor.” Rather than stand up to it, I avoided it and hid my Jewish identity. I hid my bar mitzvah photos before school friends visited and even faked laughs at antisemitic comments to protect my secret. When our football team played against Jewish schools, I’d stay home “sick” rather than have to silently endure the inevitable antisemitic taunts my classmates would hurl at the opposing team.
My grandmother survived Auschwitz and watched her parents and younger brother die during the Holocaust. Years later, when she bravely shared her story for Steven Spielberg’s documentary project, I felt embarrassed by my behavior. Facing my own children’s encounter with antisemitism, I was determined for them not to follow in my footsteps.
Experts emphasize that addressing discrimination requires both immediate response and long-term strategy. Family therapist and author Nancy Kislin advises parents to manage their emotions first: “Take a deep breath and ground yourself. The emotions that come with talking about antisemitism — fear, anger, sadness — are natural. Your calm demeanor can set the tone for how your child processes this conversation.”
In that first car conversation with my boys, I turned to face them. I carefully explained why the “joke” was wrong, emphasizing that making fun of any race, religion or group is never acceptable.
Experts I spoke with recommend a few critical strategies for parents confronting any form of racism:
1. Address the topic in an age-appropriate manner
Very young children may be unable to articulate their thoughts or understand such complex issues. Parents may need to ask open-ended questions to help children express their feelings. As an example, parents might ask, “What made you feel that way?” or “Can you tell me more about what you’re feeling right now?” For younger children, it’s essential to explain that sometimes people act out of ignorance or fear, and that those feelings can lead to unkind words and actions.
2. Role-play responses to build your child’s confidence
According to Hasen, using real-world examples is a good practice: “Ask children if they’ve observed discriminatory behavior. Has anyone objected to it? How? Teach them about bullying behavior, the consequences of appeasing a bully, and how to stand up to one. Practice simple statements like, “I don’t agree with you” or I don’t like it.”
Patel says role-playing multiple scenarios helps children learn how to combat these situations effectively. “Having the hard conversation, bringing light to all races, and actively seeking out diverse friendships are crucial steps.”
3. Create meaningful cultural experiences together
Celebrating your cultural heritage is one of the most powerful ways to counter the negativity of antisemitism, according to Kislin. Sharing stories from your childhood, involving them in traditions, and creating opportunities for them to connect with their roots is an impactful way to strengthen children’s sense of cultural identity.
Ten years have passed since that first incident. I’ve used the experience as motivation to be more proactive in helping my sons understand and take pride in their Jewish heritage. While I am not religious, we celebrate major holidays, discuss their great-grandparents’ experiences during the Holocaust, and talk about respecting all backgrounds and beliefs.
Unlike my teenage self, who removed any evidence that I was Jewish and stayed silent in the face of bigotry, I’m committed to helping my children face these challenges with pride and courage. Now, I see their smiles when we discuss Jewish achievements and culture — whether it’s Timothée Chalamet’s latest film (“He’s half Jewish like me!”) or the achievements of Jewish entrepreneurs and athletes. As they have matured, we have discussed the importance of standing up to others who may make racist comments.
Looking ahead, my children will have opportunities I never had, like the Birthright program, which offers young Jewish adults between 18 and 26 a chance to explore their heritage in Israel. More importantly, they won’t see their Judaism as a source of shame but rather of pride and understanding. As Hasen said, “You can reassure them that these people are very wrong, and they, the kids, have all the rights in the world to feel proud of who they are.”This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
