3 Tips To Keep Financial Boundaries With Your Adult Child
Setting financial boundaries, especially financial ones, with adult children presents some unique challenges. On the one hand, you want to help them out when they’re in a bind. But you don’t want to make them dependent on you, either.
“Unlike when your kids were younger, they have a better understanding of money, how much you might have and are more sophisticated in their attempts to leverage their requests for support,” said Caleb Birkhoff, licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and co-founder and vice president of Caleb Birkhoff Psychotherapy.
Learn More: 3 Signs You’ve ‘Made It’ Financially, According to Financial Influencer Genesis Hinckley
Explore Next: Why Skipping a Financial Advisor Could Be Your Biggest Money Mistake
“The best boundaries that we set with anyone, adult children included, are set ahead of time to create clear expectations,” he explained.
“It’s the reason that the speed limits associated with driving are so effective. The limit is clear, known and the consequence is also expected,” Birkhoff added. “Ideally when supporting adult children financially you would take a similar approach; they know ahead of time how much you are willing to help, what you’re willing to help for and how often that help is available.”
Below are some expert-backed tips to help you keep financial boundaries with your adult child.
Your Boundaries Aren’t Up for Discussion
“You do not owe your adult child an explanation of why you have made the decisions you have made around money, especially when you are supporting them, but it is good to have an answer to that question,” Birkhoff said.
He explained that the ideal boundaries anticipate follow up questions when they are set and firmly let them know they are not up for discussion.
“Think about it as the polite and respectful ‘take it or leave it approach,’ he said. “These are my terms and conditions, it is up to you to decide if you like them — or can tolerate them.”
Trending Now: The Living Wage a Family of Four Needs in All 50 States
Don’t Pull All Financial Support With No Warning
According to Shenella Karunaratne, licensed professional counselor at Online MFT Programs, one common mistake parents make regarding setting financial boundaries with their adult children that can damage relationships is pulling all financial support suddenly, with no warning.
“It’s one thing if this has been a discussion for a while and has to be done for the good of the adult child, but it’s another to do this completely out of the blue,” she said.
Karunaratne said that not only can it cause major financial struggles suddenly for the child — which in and of itself can cause strain in the relationship — but the child may feel incredibly disrespected or disregarded by their parent.
“Having conversations are important ways to show respect and understand one another,” she added.
Know When To Intervene and When Not To
“As parents, we want our children to grow up and live their best lives possible, realizing it will often require some help from us,” said Dr. Adolph Brown, clinical psychologist, relationship and parenting expert and co-host of “The Parent Test” on ABC.
He noted that the limits to impose without damaging the relationships begin with knowing when to intervene and help with monetary resources and when not to.
“This can become convoluted when we painfully observe our adult children suffering the consequences of their poor money decision making,” Brown added. “The first tip is not to own their issues.”
More From GOBankingRates
I'm a Financial Advisor: My Wealthiest Clients All Do These 3 Things
3 Things You Must Do When Your Savings Reach $50,000
9 Things You Must Do To Grow Your Wealth in 2025
This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: 3 Tips To Keep Financial Boundaries With Your Adult Child
