My 3 daughters all decided to put being a mother on hold. I'm devastated that I might not get to be a grandmother.
I'm the mother to three daughters, and all of them aren't having children anytime soon.
I'm devastated that I might never get to be a grandmother.
After struggling to get pregnant for years, I can't wrap my head around their decision.
Let's face it: Not everyone is cut out to be a parent.
As a mother to three adult daughters, I'll be the first to tell you motherhood is no walk in the park. I always wanted to be a mother, but it wasn't easy to get pregnant. Once I finally did, there were even more hardships ahead as I raised my three girls.
So, I understand why some people decide not to have children, especially biological ones.
But when all three of my kids said they don't plan on prioritizing being parents, I was devastated that I wouldn't be a grandparent anytime soon.
My daughters all say having biological children is not a priority right now
One of my children said she didn't plan to have biological children. She hasn't ruled out becoming a mom altogether, but after seeing how many foster kids end up in group homes because of a lack of families willing to host them, she realized that adopting an older child would be the right choice. So, I'll be getting no tiny bundles from her.
Another child is undecided. She'd like to become a mom someday and is considering perhaps one pregnancy, but, like her sister, she believes adoption is her best course to parenthood. However, as an LGBTQ+ person, she also recognizes that motherhood — whether through a biological child, adoption, or a combination of the two — could be out of reach due to expense and possible discrimination.
That leaves me with one child who seems content, at least at this stage, to pursue having a family "the old-fashioned way eventually." She and her significant other, however, have a long way to go before kids are even glimmers in their respective eyes. They're pursuing careers in highly competitive fields, which won't allow time to grow a family for several of their most fertile years.
My children are far from alone. According to the CDC, the US birth rate has decreased by 2% annually over the last decade, reaching a historic low in 2023. According to the Pew Research Center, a majority of adults under the age of 50 who don't have kids cite a major reason as "they just don't want to."
My experience with becoming a mother is affecting my emotions
Each of my kids thought this through and arrived at the right decision for them. So, I had to take a step back and ponder why I, the person known for always being supportive of individual choices, had such a sorrowful reaction to my own kids' decisions on this topic. After all, at least one of them hopes to have kids, and the other two might end up with them one way or another.
I quickly realized it might have something to do with my own fraught path to parenthood. I struggled for almost five years through multiple cycles of fertility drugs, two devastating miscarriages, and eventually in-vitro fertilization (IVF) before I finally gave birth to these three little people who infused my life with meaning.
Desperate to become a mom, I basically subjected myself to medical torture to achieve it, so my own children feeling so differently about the prospect is hard to wrap my brain around.
I'm learning to accept and support my daughters' decisions
Ask any grammy or grandad, and they'll tell you the payoff for the hard work of raising those helpless humans into productive citizens is the gift of grandparenthood. The thought of possibly never receiving this well-deserved prize makes me feel rather sorry for myself.
However, I realize my children don't owe me anything, and honestly, the joys of watching them grow into the amazing young women they've become have truly been the greatest gift of all.
So, while I may be privately nursing my wounded soul over my "lost" grandchildren, I know I'll also find the strength to support my kids' very personal decisions.
Read the original article on Business Insider
