18 sex tips for women who have sex with men
There are an infinite number of ways to spice things up in the bedroom, but here we've whittled it down to the top 18. Whether you're looking for ways to increase your own pleasure (see: the best positions for a female orgasm) or are on the hunt for broadening your sexual repertoire we've rounded up some of the best sex tips for women – because we all deserve to be having great sex.
How can you learn some new sex tips for women?
Let's get started. Enter: our handy sex tips for women guide. (FYI, these are targeted at women who have sex with men or people who have penises, but many of the points can be applied to folk of any gender.) To compile them, WH spoke to some of the best sex experts around the globe to find out the stops you need to know about, and how you can get them going.
You'll probably already know some of these sex tips for women, but we guarantee you'll learn a thing or two about some unexpected turn-ons for both you and them.
Remember: your pleasure is just as important as your partner's – so if you're not into any of the suggestions, skip 'em. And while this list primarily consists of sex advice to help you become 'better in bed' – it's also worth remembering that confidence is key and taking the time to play and discover what you like is often just as sexy as trying to please a partner.
Then, when you're done here, wise up on the biggest female erogenous zones for better orgasms (or, casually leave this web page open around your partner so they swot up, too). And, if you're going it alone, discover how to take your masturbation game to the next level.
Why is sex important for a woman?
It's undoubtedly a topic that's often overlooked. Aside from the importance of sex for women for mood, pleasure and wellbeing, there's a growing body of research that points to its benefits for overall health too. According to a report published by the OHSU Center for Women's Health, 'sex activates a variety of neurotransmitters that impact not only our brains but several other organs in our bodies.'
There are a number of different health benefits cited which include everything from lower blood pressure, a better immune system, and even the potential to lower the risk of heart disease. In terms of the impact for mental health, those list from better sleep to decreased depression and anxiety, and improved intimacy and closeness with your sexual partner.
Improved self-esteem is another benefit often missing from the conversation. ‘Feeling sexually confident is not only liberating but has a profound impact on our self-esteem,’ says Anna Richards, sex expert, pleasure positivity educator and founder of ethical sex platform Frolicme.com. 'I feel it is so important for women to have a safe space to explore their own sexuality, discover what it is they enjoy, and what sex can offer them,' she adds.
'It is widely acknowledged that women, on average, have far fewer orgasms than men during partnered sex. Much of this is due to our lack of understanding of how the clitoris provides pleasure for women, or where penetration is seen as the end of the game not shared with the women,' she concludes. Increasing your understanding and education about sex will ultimately make it more pleasurable for you.
Ready to dive in? Discover our 17 best sex tips for women below…
18 sex tips for women: how to become better in bed
Sex tip number 1: Spend time kissing
Full-on kissing boosts levels of dopamine in the brain, a desire-spiking neurotransmitter in both men and women, according to a study in The American Journal of Medicine.
To get things really going, try this piece of sex advice: trace their lips slowly with your tongue, or softly bite the edge of their lower lip with your teeth, advises sexologist Carol Queen.
Sex tip number 2: Play with their ears
In a survey, ears ranked just behind the scrotum as a body part that, when touched, can help men reach their peak. Who knew it was such a turn on?
Add this to your list of sex techniques: try delicately nibbling or licking their ears as they're getting closer to orgasm, while whispering something like: 'Do you like it when I touch you?'
Somatic sex coach Stella Anna Sonnenbaum suggests 'blowing softly onto their ears' for an ultra-intimate reaction.
Sex tip number 3: Don't be scared of the scrotum
No biting or pinching, please: this area is extra vulnerable to sharp impact.
So what is up its street and worth ranking in the best sex tips for women? Gentle sucking, squeezing or cupping, which may help some men reach climax more easily during sex, says sex coach Charlie Glickman.
When it comes to foreplay, use this technique from Harwick: 'Start with your hand around both balls, then bring your fingertips together over them – like you're picking up a napkin off the floor.'
Sex tip number 4: Get involved in the neck
Their neck is as tingle-triggering as your own, and a study published in the journal Ergonomics found that the nape loves low-frequency vibrations.
Take advantage by kissing the back of their neck with your mouth slightly open, and hum. 'The combination of heat and vibrations will help prompt some serious sensations,' sex expert Emily Morse says.
Or dip into your toy drawer for a fingertip vibe and massage their hairline.
Things not going quite to plan? Make sure you're not making one of the six biggest mistakes couples make in the bedroom before carrying on.
Sex tip number 5: Don't be shy with the shaft
Men rated the shaft tops for orgasmic sensitivity when compared with the rest of their nether regions, says a survey published in the journal BJU International.
Because the internal erectile tissues lie deep beneath the skin's surface, when it comes to how to get your grip on, the best sex tips for women will tell you that many guys like the shaft handled pretty firmly. Form a fist around it, moving up and down and adding pressure as you go.
Sex tip number 6: Pay their nipples some attention
They'd like a little TLC, FYI. Men who were surveyed for a study in the journal Cortex admitted that the nips are one of their top hot spots.
Queen suggests sucking on one while stroking your their penis with your hand. 'Adding the two erogenous zones together can be very pleasurable,' she says.
Sex tip number 7: Get involved with the head
The head of the penis, or the glans, has significantly more nerves than the shaft, so don't skimp on the attention. (The tip is basically the closest thing a person with a penis has to a clitoris, though it's not nearly as sensitive, says Cordeau. We win in that department.)
After coating your fingers in lube, 'loop them into an O shape and slide them over the glans', Queen advises. Then use short, slow pumps that tighten around the tip.
During oral, run your tongue all over the glans and use some soft suction.
How much is too much? Read one woman's experience: I Tried To Have Sex Twice A Day For A Week – Here's What Happened.
Sex tip number 8: Hit a bum note
Glickman calls the prostate gland (located a finger's length inside the bum) the 'male G-spot' in his book The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure.
To hit this orgasm-inducing region, you'll need to insert a (well-lubricated) digit into your man's behind, directed toward the front of his body, says Queen.
If neither you nor him is up for that, you can also stimulate the prostate by touching the perineum. Remember, if you're going to try any kind of anal play – lube is always necessary…
Sex tip number 9: Have a perineum party
Located behind the scrotum and before his rear entry, this spot contains a gent's ejaculatory muscles – which, when massaged, can make his blast-off feel even more intense, says Glickman.
Try Morse's oral-sex advice: 'Use your thumb to gently rub the perineum in a circular motion, keeping in rhythm with what your mouth is doing. Right before he is about to finish, press the spot firmly to give him an orgasm to top all orgasms.'
Then ask for anything you want in return, obvs.
Sex tip number 10: Try dirty talk
If you fancy trying something new, how about giving dirty talk a whirl? 'Erotica and pornography are great sources of inspiration for examples of dirty talking, and to figure out what kind of dirty talking arouses you,’ says Silva Neves, an Accredited Psychosexual and Relationship Psychotherapist.
And might we also suggest a second viewing of Bridgeton for some simple – yet, sexy – one-liners? Although, you might not need inspo from external sources. ‘The brain is the main sexual organ, so looking at your own sexual fantasies non-judgementally might be another place where you’ll find a lot of inspiration,’ Neeves adds.
Sex tip number 11: Give them a tantric massage
Incorporating a sensual tantric massage into your repertoire can be super sexy. It's a little complex to go into, here, but consult the full WH guide, here.
Sex tip number 12: Suggest a new position
If you're in a long-term partnership, bringing in some novelty is key, when it comes to achieving a sex life that sustains the same thrill as when you first got together. One way to make you feel better in bed is by knowing which positions work for you – and so which to instigate. Check out WH's guide to the 27 best sex positions, ever, for some inspiration.
Sex tip number 13: Master phone sex
If you don't live with the person you're having sex with, and want to maintain that spark of sexual connection, then hit up Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist and Psycho-Sexologist, Kate Moyle's (@katemoyletherapy) complete guide to steamy phone sex.
Sex tip number 14: Get kinky
Does your partner enjoy when you get a bit bossy in bed? 'Tell them what you are about to do to them, and have them repeat what you say,' suggests Sonnenbaum. 'Whisper ‘I’m going to lick your right nipple now, and then bite it softly. Ask them 'What am I going to do?’ and have them repeat it back to you. This is also a great way to get into talking dirty, which has it own delights.'
Sex tip number 15: Try edging
'Many men who think they suffer from premature ejaculation actually don’t,' explains sex expert Rebecca Dakin. 'The average time from penetration to orgasm for a man is averaged at 5-7 minutes.' If you want to prolong this (and spice things up at the same time) try 'edging'.
Never heard of it? Edging is practice of stopping yourself from reaching orgasm. While this might sound counterintuitive, it can actually lead to longer and more satisfying orgasms. If you (or they) feel close to orgasm, stop sexual stimulation and wait about 30 seconds, before continuing. Repeat this until you’re ready to orgasm, which can elongate the time between stimulation and ejaculation. It also makes things hella hot, too.
Sex tip number 16: Dip the tip
'The temptation to go straight in and deep can often mean penetration is over very quickly,' says Dakin. 'Get him to tease you with just the tip. There are so many nerve endings all around the vulva, the lips, just in the opening, not to mention the G spot being around 2 inches inside.
Get him to use his penis to trace your lips and just nudge in a little bit, and then pull again. The build up to the full penetration is what will send you into a sexual frenzy of carnal lust.'
Sex tip number 17: Master masturbation
Experts believe that mastering your own pleasure first can actually improve your sex life with someone else (see our guide to the benefits of masturbation for more on the topic).
'I often say we need to have sex for ourselves and by doing so we will have a much more fulfilling time and likely more mind-blowing sex too,' says Richards. 'You can build some of your own confidence and self-esteem by learning what it is you enjoy.'
Sex tip number 18: Slow down at the finish
You'll need to be attuned to when your partner is about to climax - his breathing will get more intense and he may start to grow more rigid. When this happens, slow down and use less pressure, whether you are giving him a blow job or if you are having penetrative sex. This will lengthen the time he spends in that zone of maximum pleasure, which will draw out the experience and intensify his orgasm when he does cum.
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