14 Stories That Prove Pretty Privilege Is Very Real And Very Messed Up
"Pretty privilege" refers to the advantages and preferential treatment given to people who are considered attractive. It can be expressed in a variety of ways, including increased career opportunities and social popularity.
So we at BuzzFeed asked the BuzzFeed Community to share their experiences with or witnessing pretty privilege, and some of the stories are pretty ugly.
And if you have a story, let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google Form. Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post.
Below are 14 stories of pretty privilege in action:
1."I’ve gone on several nights out where men will fall over themselves to buy my thin, pretty friends a drink while not even saying 'hello' to me. And it’s not that I want a free drink or to be hit on, but if you’re hitting on someone, at least treat their friends like people by mingling, having a chat, and being friendly. But they treat me like I'm invisible. It’s so rude. It shows the kind of men they are, but it’s very hurtful when my friends ever fall for that sh*t."
2."I’m 44 and went from 120 pounds to 260 pounds because of a thyroid condition that had gone untreated for a decade. I’m starting to slowly lose weight now, but everyone has treated me differently since I gained all this weight."
3."I've seen the pretty privilege with students, so it definitely starts young. An 'attractive' girl or guy will wear the same outfit as someone not as 'attractive' and the reactions from other teachers can be disparaging. They'll enforce the dress code for one person but not another just because one has extra weight on them. 🤬"
4."While I was in college, our mayor came to give a talk. I knew his wife from charity events, and after his talk, we had a chance to say 'hello.' But I was literally elbowed out of the way by 'the press.' Later, my class was going to attend a political luncheon, so I went out and bought a power suit and high heels and put my hair up in a bun. My classmates didn’t even recognize me. After the speeches were over, the main speaker came right up to me, and nobody, and I stress, nobody dared to interrupt. I found out the hard way it is all about your appearance."
—Kath
5."Where do I start? I used to be a competitive dancer, but I was a bit heavier than my peers. So when we would do conventions or costume modeling, I was usually never chosen. Thankfully, my friends weren’t biased at all and even tried to get me opportunities to showcase my talent when the rest of the world didn’t care. But I think being denied opportunities made me even better because I was always trying to be good enough. I joined a ballet company after college and was in a few shows. I was also told a few times that 'it was a shame I was fat because I had so much talent.' 🙄🩰"
—Anonymous
6."My partner is tall, strong, and blonde. I’m short, slightly chubby, and brunette. People will literally ignore me at restaurants and talk to him instead for our orders, and if we want better valet parking, he drives, so the first person the staff sees is the pretty one. He affirms that I’m beautiful every day, but it still takes a hit to my self-esteem to see him be given a leg up in life for being conventionally attractive."
—Anonymous
7."I have always been ugly. In middle school, there was a boy I had a crush on named Courtney. He and one of his friends would always go around at the beginning of lunch period and ask for any spare change, and I always brought them money every day. But then, one day, I overheard Courtney's friend, Perry, say to Courtney, 'Why is it only the dogs who have money?' Needless to say, they never got another cent from me, but damn. I was ugly, but not too ugly to accept money from."
—Anonymous
8."My story is from the Geauga County fair in Ohio. I went to the county fair with some friends, and towards the end of the day, I got separated from them when we went to use the restrooms. I didn’t have my cell phone at the time because one of my friends was holding it for me. I saw a man walking along one of the paths and asked him if I could use his phone to call my cell phone and locate my friends. I’ve always had a very soft, feminine voice, and he immediately agreed. I had been in an unlit area when I first talked to him, but as we got closer together and he could see me, he suddenly changed his mind and said he didn’t really let strangers use his phone. Literally, NOTHING had changed except for the fact that he could now see my face."
—Anonymous, Geauga County, Ohio
9."Oh, it's my time to shine! Long story short, I'm a fat little nugget, and my three younger sisters are all gorgeous and thin. Anyway, in 2005, one of my sisters visited me in Orlando and wanted to go to a gay club. We went, but it was dead. Just us and a presumably gay male stripper who looked cold. So we drank until we dared each other to tip him, and he couldn't stop talking to my sister. Oh, and he was straight! He asked her out when he got off, but she declined. Years later, when we both identified as pansexual, I got my revenge when a burlesque dancer touched my face and ignored my sister."
—Anonymous
10."My husband doesn't realize he's attractive. He thinks he's the one who has hit the jackpot in this relationship, but he's just a one-in-a-million-dollar husband and father, and beyond that, he's pretty danged hot. Because of his obliviousness to his own looks, he doesn't realize that female baristas aren't upsizing his drinks just because they're kind, or his female coworker talks to him all the time because she's just a talkative person. It's because you're hot, Baby!"
—J, 39
11."I went from skinny to fat and can definitely tell the difference in how people treat me. Interestingly, my personality and self-confidence have actually improved, but none of that seems to matter. Now, at 40, I feel intense pressure to lose weight to continue my career trajectory. It's such a ridiculous standard."
And here are three stories that the BuzzFeed Community shared that explore the ways in which some people find privilege in not being considered conventionally attractive:
12."Pretty isn't always a privilege. Men call me a honeypot, and women have told me I don't belong in a place because they can't get a man's attention when I am around. I worked for a computer customer service company that encouraged us to learn code specialties from other employees. After introducing myself to the best coder, I had to back-track my career choice because he started coming to my desk with roses, in a tux, and telling me he would only teach me if I gave him a date."
"I have been denied qualified work because the hiring manager was more concerned about what his wife would say (told to my face at multiple interviews)."
—Anonymous
13."It's true that I get treated differently now that I am older and a lot 'wider,' but I found an upside recently: I got caught speeding while driving with my older sister when we were on our way to see our mom who lives in a facility. The speed limit in town was slow, and I had just come off of the highway. A young cop pulled us over but ended up letting us go. I think it was because I reminded him of his mother. So while I’m not young enough for certain treatment, I'm old enough for another kind!"
14.And lastly: "One good thing about being ugly is that no one will be disappointed in your aging process. Pretty people seem to get the brunt of ageist comments about the aging process."
So, there you have it: Eleven stories that show how pretty privilege is, unfortunately, very real, and three stories that aim to explore other kinds of looks-based privileges. Did these stories resonate with you? Do you have a story of your own? Let us know in the comments or by filling out this anonymous Google Form.
Your responses could be featured in a BuzzFeed Community post!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
