12 Things You Need to Stop Saying to Your Boss
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Workdays can be hectic. You may have back-to-back meetings or constant email notifications. And between your overflowing to-do list, don't forget to balance good relationships with your coworkers! Good communication skills like active listening go a long way, but it's also important to know what you just shouldn't say at work.
“When you’re respectful, supportive, kind and understanding in your communication, you’re directly contributing to a more collaborative, engaged and productive team culture,” says Keith Spencer, a career expert at Resume Now. This is especially important when talking with your boss, particularly if you want to tackle tricky subjects like experiencing burnout or making a career change.
While it’s impossible to say the exact right thing every time, choosing your words carefully is crucial for building trust and setting yourself up for success. Here are some things you should never say to your boss and what to say instead.
“I’m available 24/7.”
Everyone needs boundaries and a healthy work-life balance — this comment signals that you don’t have either. Always being “on” isn’t sustainable long term and can quickly lead to burnout, says Katina Sawyer, a workplace wellness expert, co-founder of Workr Beeing and co-author of Leading for Wellness. It may also set an expectation that others on your team shouldn’t have boundaries, either.
Say this instead: “You can always count on me to work hard and produce high-quality work. But I also need to make sure I can take care of my personal life, allowing me to be fully here when I’m working.” This lets your boss know that you’re dedicated and motivated but that you also need time to recharge to deliver your best.
“That’s not my job.”
Boundaries at work are a must, but saying this might make you seem dismissive or uncooperative, Spencer says. It could suggest that you lack flexibility and that you’re not interested in helping your team.
Say this instead: “I’m not familiar with that process, but I’m willing to learn if you need me to. Would you like me to take this on, or should we pull in someone else with more expertise?” This reinforces your commitment to the team but also expresses that the task is outside of your usual responsibilities.
“That’s not fair.”
When you receive annoying or anger-inducing news at work, reacting this way can come across as accusatory, says Sheri Bardot, a career adviser at the University of Phoenix. It might make you seem like you’re “more focused on personal grievances rather than constructive problem-solving,” she adds.
Say this instead: “I’d appreciate some insight into how this decision was made. Is there an opportunity to revisit or adjust it?” This shows that you’re open to collaboration, proactive solutions and productive conversations.
“Did you hear about so and so?”
Gossip can be hard to resist, but it’s unprofessional, says Amy Walker, executive vice president of sales at Paycom. Gossiping is also distracting, blurs professional boundaries and diminishes trust between colleagues.
Say this instead: “I’m concerned about _____.” If you have a legitimate concern about a co-worker, Walker says to bring it up — just keep the discussion professional and constructive. You should avoid speculation, stick to the facts and focus on solutions rather than on gossip.
“We can’t do that.”
Complex situations and tasks definitely arise, and lofty goals may not always be achievable. But this comment shuts down conversations and gives the impression that you’re unwilling or unable to take on new challenges, Spencer says.
Say this instead: “This might be difficult to accomplish based on our current resources and timeline, but I’m happy to explore ways to make it work.” It’s more constructive and cooperative to highlight specific concerns and suggest ways to manage those issues or to adjust priorities.
“We’re at work. Please don’t tell me about your personal life.”
It’s essential to keep things professional, of course. But getting to know about your boss outside of work can help you better understand their perspective and how to respond when an issue comes up, Sawyer says. The more you know about your boss (and co-workers), the better you can connect with them and work together.
Say this instead: “I’d love to learn more about you.” Asking about their weekend plans or family indicates you are interested in getting to know them. This could help strengthen your relationship and help build trust.
“I need you to fix this problem.”
Taking every problem to your boss to solve makes you seem less reliable and lacking in problem-solving skills. “Presenting problems without offering potential solutions adds unnecessary stress to your boss’s plate and worsens decision fatigue,” Walker says.
Say this instead: “I’m having an issue with ____. I’d like to run a few ideas by you for how we can solve it.” Suggesting solutions demonstrates innovation and accountability.
“Everything’s under control.” (But it’s really not)
Feeling like you always have to have the answers or can’t make mistakes will cause problems for you and your team. “When employees hide their struggles, they can’t get the help they need to learn and improve over time,” Sawyer says. Sweeping difficulties under the rug instead of asking for help suggests a lack of vulnerability and honesty and can let minor problems grow into larger ones.
Say this instead: “I’m managing, but I could use some guidance or resources to make sure our goals are met.” Asking for help when you need it shows authenticity and a proactive approach to problem-solving.
“I don’t have time for this.”
It’s easy to get overwhelmed at work, but this statement could suggest you’re unwilling or unable to prioritize your time and tasks, Spencer says. When you’re asked to do something extra and feel like your to-do list can’t take anymore, talk to your boss about your existing workload and how to reprioritize your tasks.
Say this instead: “This is an important request, but I’ll need to shift some of my current tasks in order to devote the appropriate time and attention to it. Can we review my current workload together to determine how to best reprioritize?”
“I don’t get paid enough for this.”
This remark, likely said out of frustration, can come across as unprofessional and “reflects poorly on your attitude and commitment,” Bardot says. Everyone should be paid fairly, of course. If you feel you’re not being compensated appropriately or that your responsibilities are too broad, talk to your boss about it.
Say this instead: “I’ve been reflecting on the scope of my responsibilities and would like to discuss ways I can add value to the team and how that aligns with my long-term goals.” Bardot suggests focusing this conversation on your responsibilities, contributions, goals and desire to grow, rather than on negative statements.
“This is how I do things, so it should work for everyone.”
It’s understandable to have preferred ways of doing things, but thinking that’s the only way and not being open to suggestions or collaboration can harm productivity — and give you a reputation for being too rigid. “When employees force their way of working on others, their colleagues have to conform to an uncomfortable, and often less effective, working style,” Sawyer says.
Say this instead: “This is how I like to complete these tasks, but I’d love to hear other ideas.” Make it clear that you’re open to suggestions and talk to your boss if you’re struggling.
“Didn’t you know I wanted that promotion? Why wasn’t I considered?”
Don’t assume your boss knows your goals and accomplishments. Instead, talk openly and honestly with them about your performance and career aspirations and that you’re seeking opportunities to grow, Walker says.
Say this instead: “I’m disappointed that I was passed over for that promotion. Can we discuss my career goals and how I might be considered next time?” This showcases that you’re ready and committed to advancing your career and keeps the lines of communication open.
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