11 Rude Things You Should Never Do as a Houseguest
We've all been there before. You happily agree to host an overnight guest. Maybe it's just for a few days or a week, if you're feeling extra gracious. It starts out well, but then things turn sour pretty quickly. You're picking up dirty socks from the floor, emptying the garbage can way more than usual and maybe even longing to regain control of your own TV. And if they fail to properly flush the toilet? Their visit just has to be cut short! It's just not what you signed up for.
Before you accept another invitation or extend one to a friend or family member, we're here to help. We checked in with etiquette expert Elaine Swann to find out the top things you should never do as a houseguest. Keep her pointers on your radar to make your next experience as a guest (or host!) the best one yet.
1. Bring an unexpected guest.
If you personally receive an invitation to stay at someone's home, that invite is for you and you alone — that is, unless you politely ask to bring another guest along. "There are lots of mistakes, but this is the absolute worst," says Swann.
2. Arrive empty-handed.
It's a sacrifice for someone to bring an overnight guest into their home for any period of time. Show gratitude for their willingness to share their space, time and money with a meaningful hostess gift. That means thinking beyond wine or chocolate. You can give a gift before you arrive, while you're there or even after you leave.
"It could be as simple as an oven mitt, small kitchen gadgets like a wine opener or garlic press, or some pretty dish towels or hand towels for the bathroom," says Swann. Or, get creative and plan an outing for the entire family; lunch or dinner are a good idea. You can also order takeout one evening, then offer to wash the dishes after everyone has eaten. "And in addition to saying 'thank you' verbally, it's always nice to mail a thank-you card with a thoughtful message.
As for the budget, it's all up to you. "There is no suggestion in terms of what you spend, because it truly is the item you send that makes the difference," Swann says. "The value is how the person can use it, and not necessarily from a monetary standpoint."
3. Fail to follow the host's lifestyle.
Is your host an early riser? Do they eat dinner with their family on the later side? These kind of lifestyle habits are worth keeping in mind as a houseguest. "If they get dressed for breakfast, then you should too. You don't want to prance out of your room in pajamas when everyone else in the household is fully dressed for breakfast," says Swann. "It's important to go with the flow of the household and ask questions when you first arrive."
4. Settle for poor communication.
Communication is really key throughout your stay. "Asking questions, getting clarity and sharing information is really important," Swann says. "It can set the tone for a pleasant day."
Should a conflict arise while you're visiting someone's home, settle it as quickly as possible. Check in with the head of the household or directly with the person you had a conflict with. "With any type of conflict, your goal is always to seek resolution, and if cutting your time short will help to rebuild the relationship, that could be a good solution," Swann says. "Just be sure to give a parting gift and say a proper goodbye before leaving."
5. Walk around in inappropriate PJs.
Of course, it's just fine to wear whatever you want in your own home, but not everything goes in someone else's space, especially if the host lives with children. "Whether you're male or female, don't expose too much skin," Swann says. "Be sure that when you're entering into the common areas of the home, you are covered."
6. Expect them to meet all of your dietary restrictions.
It's always a good idea to inform the host of any dietary restrictions well before you arrive. Share examples of meals that work for you and special items you plan to buy for yourself (oat or almond milk, for instance). Don't take their refrigerator over, though. "You may have to pick up stuff mid-way through your stay, so be mindful that you're not upsetting the flow of how things are stored in the pantry or refrigerator."
7. Let toiletries take over the bathroom.
"If the bathroom is more lived-in, with items on the vanity, it's fine to leave your makeup bag there," Swann says. On the other hand, if it's more pristine and well organized, it's best to carry those items to and from your room. "Get a feel for how the house is kept and put yourself in sync with that," she says.
8. Leave the bed unmade.
Making the bed in your assigned room "shows a sign of respect for the host." "Even if you don't make the bed in your own home, it lets the host know you are taking care of their space," Swann says. But don't feel compelled to strip the bed at the end of your stay. "That etiquette rule is somewhat outdated," she says. "They might not get to cleaning up your room and doing the laundry right away, so just make the bed up before you leave on your last day." This way, they don't have to see an unkempt bed until they're able to tidy up again.
9. Create an uncomfortable parking situation.
If you drove and plan to park at your host's home, ask where to leave your car. The last thing you want to do is take their favorite spot in the driveway or prevent them from accessing a car in their garage. "And if you're in a town home or apartment, find out about visitor parking and the nuances of the neighborhood," Swann says. Know the days you can park on the street and the days to avoid getting towed.
10. Forget to pick up after yourself.
From snacking in the family room to enjoying drinks on the outdoor deck, do your best to keep items where they belong in the home. "If you notice that everyone's washing their glasses and putting them away at the end of the night, you should do the same," Swann says. "The rhythm of the household will guide you."
And don't be afraid to empty the trash, whether it's overflowing in the kitchen or in the bathroom. It's a small gesture that shows how considerate you are. "Don't leave it to your host to handle at the end of your visit," Swann says.
11. Overstay your welcome.
"If you plan to stay at someone's house for three days, then it should be three days," Swann says. "Don't go beyond that unless the host insists you stay longer."
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