"I Was So Terrified" — Women Are Sharing What It's Like To Stand Up For Themselves At The Doctor, And It's Frustrating But So Important
Too many times I've heard stories from women who've gone to the doctor with symptoms they're concerned about only to be told not to worry about it, to lose some weight, or that it's probably in their head. Yes, this can happen to men too, so you should also advocate for yourselves!
But since this seems to happen pretty frequently to women, I decided to ask women in the BuzzFeed Community to tell me about a time they advocated for themselves at the doctor and were vindicated. So, here are 21 stories of women sticking up for themselves:
1."My two worst doctor experiences were after having my sons. The first story was three months after my oldest was born, and I woke up for a week with horrible, stabbing chest pains. I researched online and found it could possibly be my gallbladder. So, I reached out to my PCP who at the time was a retired military doctor."
"I told him my concerns, and he tried to dismiss me, saying, 'Nothing is wrong. You just had a baby.' But, I persisted. He finally gave in and ordered an ultrasound. Turns out, I had gallstones and needed my gallbladder removed."
"The second time was a few months before my 30th birthday. I just had my youngest and noticed my bathroom habits had completely changed and not in a good way. Colon cancer is huge on my mom's side of the family, and I scheduled an appointment with a GI. The doctor argued with me, saying, 'Nothing is wrong. You just had a baby, you'll be fine.'"
"I didn't care, I persisted. He finally agreed to a colonoscopy, and on my 30th birthday, I went under. The doctor came in afterward, looked my husband and me straight in the face, and apologized. He said he never thought he'd seen so many polyps in a 30-year-old, and from now on, I was coming back every five years.
Four years later, they found a benign pre-cancerous polyp. The doctor sat down with me after and apologized later, saying had I not been proactive, not pushed him, and instead waited until I was 45 to come in, we'd be having an entirely different conversation by then. I'm 42 now, and I continue to advocate for myself, and regularly push others to do the same. No one knows you better than you. Most importantly, do your research!"
2."I had a life-threatening UTI that went septic and spread to my kidneys. The urgent care I originally went to was so nice and advised me to go to the hospital, but once I got there, I was not taken seriously at all."
"I was put on a couple saline drips, they took my blood, and apparently the old man doctor thought my levels were 'fine,' even though they had the tests from urgent care as well. I was sent home... with ZERO antibiotics, or any medication at all. I was dazed through all of this so I didn’t really understand what was going on.
I had to go back that same night, with the same doctor, who I said I was 'overreacting.' In a bid to get a nurse to talk to him, I raised hell to get medicine so I wouldn’t die. I got put on a three-week regimen of the strongest antibiotics possible, an anti-emetic, and some pain medicine for the regimen period. I still have permanent damage to my bladder and kidneys. It hurts every time I use the bathroom, six years later.
3."I developed debilitating pain in my neck and shoulder to the point where I couldn’t stand for any length of time. My GP sent me to a physical therapist, male, who told me I was a middle-aged woman with poor posture."
"The neurosurgeon said they couldn’t help since they didn’t see anything wrong, and the spine doctor tried injections, but those didn’t help, so he tossed his hands up.
I was almost suicidal by the time I reached out to a surgeon who had removed my breast cancer tumor 20 years before. She listened to what was going on and called a female neurologist she knew. The neurologist called me to discuss my symptoms and had a good idea what the issue was before I even had my first appointment.
I have cervical dystonia, a neurological condition that causes the muscles in my neck and shoulder to constantly contract. There's no cure, but with botox injections in my neck, back, and shoulders every 12 weeks I’m living a normal life again. It took over a year, but finding someone to really listen paid off."
4."I spent years being dismissed by my doctor, feeling like I was a hypochondriac (despite eventual diagnosis)."
"The change happened when I needed my daughter tested for the same condition I have, and against medical guidelines my doctor refused. I applied to change surgeries the same day, and my daughter was diagnosed because of my new doctor.
How come it's so much easier to stand up for other people than ourselves?"
5."I have a strong family history of breast cancer. Right when I turned 40 I got this painful lump in my breast. I went to my physician, who wrote it off as a cyst."
"That explanation was not good enough for me, so every Sunday morning I pestered her with voicemail messages about my breast. Every Monday morning she had to hear my voice nagging her about the painful lump. This campaign lasted for about four months, until finally, she sent me to get diagnostic imaging.
Turns out, there was a tumor the size of a marble in my breast. Shortly thereafter it was excised and biopsied, and thankfully it was benign. But since then, every six months I’m getting mammograms and ultrasounds and every little anomaly is checked and recorded.
I find myself in a constant struggle with my doctors due to having been under military and VAMC care most of my life. I long ago came to realize that the government doesn’t give a crap about veterans; in fact they seem to resent us for surviving our contracts."
6.I have been suffering from a gastrointestinal illness called SIBO (Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth) over the past seven years. When I first got symptoms, I found myself unable to eat a lot of foods without getting a migraine. For the first five years of having this symptom, I was told by the doctors that it 'is due to your stress and anxiety.'"
"NOT ONCE was the possibility of having SIBO mentioned. After doing serious research and advocating for myself, I saw an Integrated GP here in Australia, who listened and suggested I may have SIBO.
Upon doing breath tests, it was indeed confirmed that I had this illness. I have since been seeing a wonderful naturopath (who has also had SIBO, and treated it)."
—Anonymous
7."My doctor basically destroyed the last 4 years of my life. To deal with the passing of my cousin, I was put on SSRIs that gave me Pseudo Parkinson’s. I told my doctor repeatedly that the drugs were messing with my nervous system. Against his wishes, I quit cold turkey."
"My last straw was when he misdiagnosed my numb hands. He told me it was all in my head. In Ontario, you need referrals for specialists, so in tears and desperation after two years of numbness I begged for a referral to an ortho.
Within a week I was diagnosed with needing an ulnar nerve transposition. I had surgery 11 weeks ago and can somewhat feel my hands again. These doctors are generalists, they have god complexes, and they know very little about women, who haven't been properly studied. Research accordingly and advocate hard for yourself."
—Anonymous
8."My sister-in-law had a sore under her tongue. Despite being a smoker who had already had lung cancer, her doctor told her to gargle with salt water."
"A few weeks later she went back and he told her the same thing, even saying he had the same problem. She mentioned this to a friend whose mother was a doctor. This doctor took one look and sent her to get a biopsy. Yes, it was cancer. She had surgery. The male doctor never acknowledged he screwed up."
—Anonymous
9."For seven years I was told that the lump in my neck was 'in my head.' Ultimately, I was diagnosed with an incurable and advanced cancer."
—Anonymous
10."I was in active labor with my son. I was also two weeks past my due date, and my son was still very active, flipping around and such. I had a very unusual labor/contraction pattern: 90 seconds long, 90 seconds apart, with little to no progression. This went on for two days before they decided to induce me the first time."
"That just kicked it into high gear. My contractions went to three minutes long and 30 seconds apart from the end of one to the beginning of the next. I was in excruciating pain, but was told it was too soon for an epidural because I hadn't progressed enough.
I kept telling the nurses something was wrong. One nurse told me, in a disgustingly dismissive tone, 'Oh honey, you first-timers always say that.'
24 hours after they induced me the first time, they did it again. This time, I had nearly non-stop contractions, and I was 5 cm dilated and 50% effaced. Every time they came in to check on me, they had to physically hold me down because the pain was so extreme. They finally gave me an epidural so I could rest a little."
"I still kept telling them something was wrong, but was dismissed by every single person I spoke to. I was starting to feel the contractions again, so they came in to check on me and found that my son's heartbeat was gone."
"So they rushed me into the OR for an emergency C-Section. They found that not only had I never progressed beyond 50%, but my cervix never lined up with the birth canal and the cord was wrapped around my son's neck, his shoulder, and then his neck again.
Every time I had another contraction, he was being forced down and then sucked right back up; each time, the cord was getting tighter and tighter around his neck and shoulder. Each time this happened to him, it was tearing the cord from inside of my womb.
So, on with the emergency C-Section: it was too late for them to give me any more anesthesia, and I felt every single incision, cut, tug, and subsequent delivery. My son was fine, but I didn't get to hold him for hours.
It was the most traumatizing experience of my life. I had no chance in hell of delivering normally, and at no point did anyone one of them think to say something wasn't right."
"To make matters worse, I had previously discussed having my tubes tied after my pregnancy. I asked the doctor to do it after they delivered my son since they were already in there. The doctor turned and asked my husband (who was holding my son) if he was okay with that, and the son-of-a-bitch said 'No.' So, the doctor just sewed me up. I was never told I needed my husband's permission in our previous discussions."
"I have had two subsequent pregnancies. I was so terrified of going through all that again, that I believe that fear caused me to miscarry both times early in the pregnancies.
I know I will catch shit for saying this, but I was grateful for those miscarriages. The mere thought of going through any of that ever again will still send me into a panic. I tried so many times to get my tubes tied, and was refused either because I was too young (I was almost thirty when I had my son), or because after my divorce, my non-existent future husband may want more children.
No one ever asked me what I wanted."
—Anonymous
11."I was a teenager and had a cough, a fever, a sore throat, muscle aches, a headache, difficulty breathing, and was vomiting. Instead of listening to my issues or even using the oxygen meter, my doctor accused me of being pregnant."
"I had never even done the deed at that point in time. The doctor demanded that I do a pregnancy test. I told him that unless it was a second immaculate conception, there was no way in heaven or hell that I would be pregnant.
As I struggled to breathe, a nurse came in to help with testing. She was nice and she told me to take my results to another doctor. The next day I was able to see a doctor and a few days later... it turned out that I had bird flu."
—Anonymous
12."After a nasty bout of Covid, I experienced sudden hearing loss and was ultimately diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called Ménière’s Disease. Symptoms range from crippling vertigo to tinnitus and severe hearing loss in one or both ears due to a buildup of fluid in the inner ear."
"Treatment options are fairly limited and include a low-sodium diet. To that end, I became really diligent about tracking my sodium intake and noticing food triggers.
I did, however, let my (male) ENT know that I was experiencing the most prominent hearing loss right before and during my period each month, like clockwork. To that, he responded: 'Well, if it’s that time of the month, maybe chocolate is a trigger and you need to not overdo it when you’re PMSing.'
I asked for my medical records the same day and switched ENTs. Five months later, my hearing issues are under control thanks to the treatment plan my new (female!) doc prescribed, including a medication that was never even offered to me at the previous practice. P.S.: I have a master's degree in nutrition. 🙃"
—Anonymous
13."I wouldn't say I advocated for myself, but for someone else. My father lives with my boyfriend and myself. He has had so many health issues. He had been hospitalized for about five days with a GI bleed — his third in three years. They took him off one of his medications, and it caused him a lot of stomach issues, meaning a super sick Dad, three days before Christmas."
"He tried to get an appointment with his gastroenterologist and they told him they could squeeze him in around March. Dad was about to accept that, and I made him give me the phone. (My poor dad's mental cognitive abilities have slowed down dramatically. If I had to guess, he's in the early stages of Alzheimer's.)
Anyhow, I talked to the nurse and explained exactly what was going on. She said to try Pepto, and I told her he'd been through three bottles of it. She kept rattling off over-the-counter medications, and I explained we had tried everything. I finally said, 'Ma'am, this isn't cutting it. I'm not getting off this phone until a better medication gets called in for him. We aren't looking for opiates, I just don't want my dad to shit himself to death.'"
"She told me she couldn't prescribe anything, so I told her to get the doctor — 'He's on vacation.' Eventually, she reached the doctor, who prescribed a very powerful medication."
"We went to the pharmacy to pick it up and were told they couldn't fill it. I saw red rage and asked them to call another pharmacy. 'We can't do that.' I told him to print out the prescription and I would take it elsewhere. 'We can't do that - we will have it in on the 26th.'
I'm happy to say I didn't go full Karen on him, but I did start crying, and tried to explain the situation. He looked it up again and said, 'We can't fill it fully - this is for 30 pills and we only have 29. We can fill it to that.'
So it doesn't just happen to women, but older people are seeing this too. My dad can't advocate for himself anymore, he just doesn't have the fight left in him. It's so sad and scary to watch."
—Anonymous
14."When I was approaching 60, I was feeling very fatigued and had trouble remembering things and concentrating. My doctor said, 'What do you expect? You are not as young as you used to be.'"
"After I turned 60, I started dragging my foot when I walked and couldn’t hold up my hip so well. My doctor wanted to send me to 'gait training,' and I told her no way. I’ve been walking for 59 years, I didn’t suddenly forget. I demanded she do something else, so she sent me to a neurologist.
After numerous tests over the course of three months, they discovered I had a brain tumor called a meningioma.
After my surgery to remove it, suddenly I wasn’t so old anymore. The fatigue was gone, I didn’t drag my foot anymore, and I could walk normally without going to gait training."
—Anonymous
15."When I was in my early thirties, I experienced daily headaches for about a year. I was pretty good at pushing through and I ignored them for a long time, until it got to the point where I'd wake up with a headache that wouldn't go away until I went to bed at night, every single day."
"I've always hated going to the doctor because I feel like they never let me speak and I always walk out of there feeling like it was a pointless visit, but I finally decided it was time to go; the headaches were unbearable.
The (female) doctor asked me if I ever experienced migraines. I hadn't. I had one migraine years prior but never before and never since, so I knew this wasn't a daily dose of migraines. I'd be in tears on the floor if I had migraines this often. We didn't get past that point; she had made up her mind that it was migraines and prescribed migraine medication.
I refused to take it; I was adamant about not taking a pill for a condition I knew I didn't have."
"Cut to about six months later when I went to the optometrist to get my yearly eye test (I'd always worn contact lenses). He told me I had vision fatigue and needed multi-focal glasses, no more contacts."
"The vision fatigue meant I was constantly straining my eyes to focus my vision, thus causing headaches. Since I switched to glasses, the daily headaches have stopped and I only get them now when I don't drink enough water.
The moral of the story: even if a doctor prescribes you something, if you know in your gut it's not right, get a second, third, or fourth opinion if you have to. Doctors have the power to prescribe medication, but they don't have authority over whether you take it or not."
—Anonymous
16."Not for myself but for my kids. At 37, I feel pretty confident advocating for myself and walk into every doctor’s appointment knowing I will have to do so. What I never expected to be the fight of my life was helping my kids get the care they need."
"I know this is a sexist thing because my husband is super involved and I’ve started having him take the kids in for their appointments and he has a wildly different experience. I get the unspoken judgement that I’m an overreacting mother. He gets listened to.
A good example is that my daughter had a yeast infection pretty young, at eight months old. I took her to the pediatrician and was told it couldn't be a yeast infection, she’s too young. I tried six different diaper rash creams while it continued to get worse and worse.
I had my husband take her in to the pediatrician; they immediately said it was a yeast infection and gave us a prescription for it that cleared it up in a few days.
It caused so much unnecessary suffering for an innocent child, it makes my blood boil. Unfortunately, I have too many such examples."
—Anonymous
17."I woke up and couldn’t move the left side of my face and something felt very wrong. I called my fiancé, who then drove me to urgent care after not being able to get an appointment at my doctor’s office. I was told by the triage nurse it was going to be several hours before they could see me, and I was probably fine because I was only 32 and otherwise healthy."
"I told the staff I needed to be seen ASAP because I was convinced I was having a stroke and couldn’t wait.
I checked in with the charge nurse every spare moment she had, and eventually got the attention of another nurse who was willing to see me. Once I finally saw the doctor he told me I was having a stroke, and I was transferred within minutes to an ER via ambulance.
Luckily I made a full recovery, but had I continued to wait and not speak up for myself, I’m not sure I would have been so lucky. Time equals brains during a stroke, so make sure you get the treatment you need ASAP. You are your own best advocate!"
—Anonymous
18."My story feels like the opposite in a way, but here goes... I was in my mid-thirties, and I broke my foot (walking up the stairs outside Dodger Stadium!). I wore a cast, then a boot, for a few weeks. After a follow-up X-ray, the doc said my foot was not healing and that I should have surgery to get a bone graft and metal plate put in my foot."
"I had a trip planned to visit family and honestly, the injury was NOT super painful, so the doc said it was fine to put off the surgery for six to weeks. I did.
By the time I went in for my pre-op appointment, my foot didn't hurt AT ALL. I asked if I was getting an X-ray that day and they said no. I insisted on one and said, 'If you look at an X-ray and say I still need surgery, I'll believe you!'
So I got the X-ray, and lo and behold, my foot was healing, and I did NOT need surgery. So I guess the moral of the story is to believe women when they say are in pain, AND when they say they are NOT in pain.
—Anonymous
19."I am a doctor who has foot problems. I had a small fracture in my foot, and learned a lot about it from my excellent (female) podiatrist. I began to have similar pain again, and went to see an orthopedist for a second opinion about why this kept happening."
"A resident working with the doctor came in first. The resident did not actually introduce himself as a resident or trainee, just as Dr. X's 'colleague.'
He told me that since my x-ray looked good, I didn't have a fracture. I explained to him that non-comminuted hairline fractures of the metatarsals don't necessarily show up on X-rays until weeks later when you might see a healing callus. He got his attending."
—Anonymous
20."This happened recently (like within the last six months). My boyfriend found a lump in my left breast. This is unusual for me, as I’ve never had lumpy breasts, ever — I’m 39, was 38 at this time — so I scheduled an appointment."
"I asked the doctor if she could take a look and she did a manual exam, said it felt like a cyst and she didn’t believe it was cancer. She told me to keep an eye on it and if it causes me discomfort or changes in shape/size, come back. Okay.
Two months passed and my paranoid self thought it had grown a tail (it had!!!), so I scheduled another appointment. I got there and the MD (a different woman, in a different office) did another manual as I explained my previous appointment. I told her while she was holding my breast that I would not be leaving without a mammogram and a blood test. She said she didn't believe it was cancer, BUT that she'd send me for a mammogram and a sonogram to alleviate my concerns."
"My mammogram was scheduled for a month later. The radiologist was concerned and lo and behold, the lump looked like a tadpole (or dare I say a single sperm), and did in fact have a tail! The sonogram proceeded, and they ordered a biopsy for that same week. I had breast cancer. Stage 0, caught very very early."
"From the date of my mammogram to my first surgery was exactly six weeks. Ladies, YOU KNOW your body; if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it! Push, push and push until you get confirmation of what it is. If I hadn’t demanded someone take me seriously, this invasive hormone + cancer could have made my small kid an orphan. I just completed my second surgery and will be starting radiation in a couple weeks.
The second doctor called me to apologize for not being more concerned, and thanked me for advocating for myself."
—Anonymous
21.And finally: "Not me, but my eldest sister. She was 14 at the time, and I was just a baby. She noticed some unusual pain when she was bouncing me on her abdomen. My mom brushed her off at first, telling her that ovarian pain/cramping was normal, but my sister insisted on going to the doctor."
"The doc mostly reiterated what my mom had said, but my sister kept pushing for them to check it out. Since he was 'so sure' nothing was wrong, he agreed to do the scan to prove it to her.
Turns out, she had a cancerous tumor so large in one of her ovaries that if they hadn’t found it right then and there and rushed her into emergency surgery, it would have likely burst within 24 hours and spread the cancer all over her body.
She is lucky to be alive for sure, but I think it’s really important and amazing that she so insistently advocated for herself until she got the care she needed!"
—Anonymous
I take it the moral of the story is NOT to avoid seeing your doctor; it's to be clear and firm with your doctor, and make sure your needs are met. Stay safe and healthy, everyone! If you want to share your own story, feel free to share down below; you never know who you could be helping out! Or, if you prefer, you can check out this anonymous Google Form. Your story may end up in an upcoming BuzzFeed article!
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
