Women Are Sooooooooo Tired Of Having To Explain These 19 Things To Men, So Please Pay Attention Right Now
Reddit user veinyasiancock recently posed the question: "Women of Reddit, what do men just not get?" Women promptly replied with their biggest frustrations and grievances, and it was both educational and cathartic. Here's what was shared:
1."A lot of us don't view you as protectors. I know that's the image you have been sold since you were a child, but the people you are supposedly protecting us from come from the same group you do. And bad men don't walk around with a sign saying, 'I'm a bad man!' so our caution has to be applied as a blanket policy. We don't hate you; we just know that if something bad happens to us, people will first ask why we even 'put ourselves in that situation.' It's not personal."
2."Men can't expect their girlfriends and wives to make lists of chores, remind them of appointments, and otherwise carry the entire mental load of their shared life and household, and still consider themselves leaders, in charge, and the 'man of the house.'"
3."If you are in a relationship with a woman and having issues in the bedroom, take a good, hard look at how the other parts of your relationship are working. Chances are, there's a reason the desire is dwindling that isn't just related to sex."
4."We have no control over our periods. Not when they come, not when they go, nothing. The things we can get or take to minimize the effects of our periods often have harsh side effects that not all of us can or want to deal with. This is something you must understand."
"This is funny because one time, my ex wanted to have sex, and I told him that as much as I wanted to, I couldn't because I was on my period, and it can get really messy. He said, 'So what? Just stop it.' I was like, 'You do realize I have no control over it, right? The blood just continuously flows out of my vagina by itself, whether I like it or not.' He just shrugged and said he had no idea."
5."Most of us don't actually like doing emotional labor all the time; we're just socialized from birth to provide that service for men."
6."The amount of toilet paper we need to use. I've seen many men complain about how much TP the women in their house go through, and they say things like, 'I hardly use any! Why can't they learn to live off a few squares like I do?' Men don't understand that women have a lot more to clean up. Men use it only after going #2 or to clean up a little drip. Women can't just shake it and be done. We also have discharge to clean up, which is constant (not just when we're aroused, as some men believe), and it's only worse when we're ovulating. On top of that, we have periods to deal with. We need more toilet paper than you do! Get off our backs!"
7."Ignoring when their mom is being passive-aggressive to their girlfriend/wife reinforces that behavior and harms their relationship. It's not keeping the peace."
"If she is your wife and you're 'avoiding taking sides,' you made a lifelong commitment to your wife, not your mother. There is no 'middle ground.'"
8."If we have sex with you, we may get pregnant, even with contraception. You may then disappear, even after acting like a respectable person, and fight any ties to your child forever. We may be required by law to bear your child and become a mother alone, struggling to support ourselves and a newborn — if we don't die during pregnancy or childbirth, which is more common in some parts of the US than in any other developed nations. So don't ask why women won't just sleep with you, why we won't 'give you a chance' and just have sex once, or why we're not going to Netflix and chill for the first date. Women enjoy sex too, but we are facing the rest of our lives potentially raising your child alone if we don't die first."
9."The vagina is a naturally moist place. When we say we're dry, don't imagine skin dry. Imagine your mouth. Normally, it's a wet place, right? But when we say we're wet, it's noticeable. It's like you smell something delicious and start salivating so much you have to swallow. THAT IS WET. Not normal-mouth-feel wet."
10."How much our menstrual cycle affects us — not just the bleeding. Hormones are a hell of a drug. Not to mention hormonal birth control, which means we have to handle added hormones and side effects."
11."My hobbies and interests associated with femininity aren't automatically 'boring' or any less gratifying."
"This! When I first met my husband-to-be, he asked me about my hobbies. I hesitated, but something told me I could trust him not to laugh at me, and admitted that I loved Barbie. He answered, 'Oh, cool! Why did you hesitate?' then said, 'How is that any different than me playing Warhammer and DnD?' It instantly made me fall for him. He built me a dollhouse a few years later and then dedicated an entire room in our basement to Barbie dolls. It still gives me butterflies."
12."Marriage isn't the ultimate goal for every woman."
13."Sometimes men just don't get how important it is to listen and validate feelings instead of trying to fix things right away. It's not always about solving problems; sometimes it's just about being heard."
14."How we are constantly 'on guard' for our safety. It's common to change outfits at the last minute because of safety, to postpone running to the store because it's too dark out now, to have to spend extra money for an Uber because the bus stop is in a mildly sketchy neighborhood, and to cut a day out short because our phone battery is low and if it dies, we can't Uber home later."
15."The women you're close to are not your therapists, and constantly treating them as such is incredibly tiring. I am very happy to talk you through your problems, but not if the only time you reach out to me is to talk about yourself."
16."Truly sharing household and domestic tasks means doing them unprompted. I don't want to have to ask you to tidy up, answer questions if it's your turn to cook, constantly manage social calendars, and remind you of things. My brain needs a break, too, and taking initiative means a lot."
"There's no such thing as 'helping' a woman with housework. That presumes it's primarily her responsibility and dominion. Nothing that is your equitable share is 'helping.' To that end, one eight-hour workday does not entitle you to a full-time maid, parent, household manager, cook, or all that. That is not equitable. One good way to determine whether a workload is split equitably is to look at downtime. If you have time to go to the gym every night, watch TV, and play video games after work, and she has almost zero downtime, the workload is not split equitably. In most cases, someone staying home works 12-16 hours (especially if there are kids). This means the person who leaves for their job every day must work a few hours at home outside of work for a fair split."
17."When we say we want communication, it doesn't necessarily mean talking 24/7. It means keeping us updated on plans, letting us know how you're feeling, and just talking to us when there's an issue. Also, bringing up an issue doesn't necessarily mean I'm mad and want to fight. I want to communicate it before it becomes a bigger issue."
18."Just because I'm growing a child inside me doesn't mean I am an expert on children and babies. I'm learning just like you. I don't know what's 'normal' unless I read it in a book or listen to my doctor, just like you. I've never done this before, and every decision I make is just a guess. Stop acting like I should magically know this stuff because I'm a woman."
19.And: "Women aren't a monolith. Just because your ex liked X doesn't mean your new girlfriend will. Just because your mom likes X doesn't mean your aunt will. Just because your sister had light periods doesn't mean your friend is faking her pain. And on and on. Women are people, and while they share common experiences, they also have their own preferences."
Women, what are other things you really wish men understood? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity
