Woman Says She Doesn’t Want to Invite Her Grieving Aunt to Her Daughter’s 3rd Birthday Party
The woman explained in a Reddit post that although she knows her aunt is going through a lot, she just wanted to keep the party small
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A children's birthday party in a stock photo.A woman is sparking a viral online conversation after saying that she does not want to invite her grieving aunt to her young daughter's birthday party.
In a recent "Am I the A-----" post on Reddit, the woman, 35, said that she usually sees her mom's older sister (referred to by "Kathy" in the post) at the holidays and a few other times a year, but that things have changed following the death of her aunt's husband earlier this year.
"Since his death," the woman wrote, "my mom has pushed to include Kathy in almost every get together."
The woman went on to explain that although she doesn't "mind Kathy being at some events," her aunt can be "very uptight" and "does not have much of a sense of humor" — and has a history of making "passive aggressive comments."
Still, the woman wrote that she knew her mom was just "trying to be there," so she never said anything about including Kathy in so many family plans.
However, that changed when it came time for her to plan her daughter's third birthday.
"My daughter is quite shy except around 'her people,' " the woman wrote, explaining that they planned to keep the guest list "small" — and limited to the girl's "two sets of grandparents, her two aunts and uncle, and her 3 cousins."
But that didn't stop her mom from calling her up to "ask if we could please include Kathy."
"I said I felt weird doing this as no other extended family was invited and I didn't want to set up for bad feelings," the woman said, noting that initially her mom seemed okay with that. However, the next day she got a "long text" from her, asking her to reconsider.
"She added that Kathy is struggling so much with the loss of her husband and having events and family around is so important," the woman continued. "I know grief is hard and at the same time, I just don't want her there! WIBTA if I don't let Kathy come?"
Commenters on the post seemed to be largely in agreement that the woman's shouldn't feel like she needed to invite her aunt to the party.
"It’s great that your mom wants to support her sister! But that doesn’t mean you have to invite her to things," one commenter wrote. "If it were a big family event, I’d get it, but since it’s just the birthday girl’s grandparents and aunts and uncles, it feels weird to also invite the great aunt who is annoyed by your kids and makes weird comments about your home."
Other commenters also pointed out that while they didn't see the harm in inviting her aunt, the woman was ultimately allowed to "invite who you like."
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Meanwhile, another Redditor pointed out that Kathy might actually enjoy having some time to herself.
"It helps those who have lost a loved one to keep busy and to have less time to think about their sorrow," the commenter wrote, going on to to share that after losing a spouse, they weren't "invited to everything," which was fine because they also "needed my alone time to process" their emotions.
"Tell your mother for the original reasons you told her, you will not change your mind," the commenter added. "Tell her YOU need to stay upbeat for the party, and you look forward to seeing Kathy at holiday gatherings. Don't let yourself be pressured."
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