A woman has questioned whether she was wrong to ask her fiancé to skip his annual Christmas family vacation because it was too close to their first baby’s due date and her family would be out of the country.
In a post on the Am I The ***hole Reddit forum, an anonymous 31-year-old woman shared that her fiancé goes on a month-long trip with his family to their Florida home for Christmas each year. This time around, all of his siblings’ schedules aligned and they were all able to make the trip this year, but the trip also coincides with the looming 30 December due date of the couple’s first child.
She wrote: “He agreed not to go this year because of the baby but his family is insisting that he go and come back on the 28th which is ‘ample time before the baby is due.’ So he bought a ticket for December 15th-28th. His reasoning is that his parents really want him there and his siblings will also be going.”
The whole situation was bothering her primarily because the nature of pregnancy tends to be predictable and there’s a high chance that she could give birth earlier than her due date, which would mean that her partner wouldn’t be there.
“I need him there,” she continued. “My parents are away until December 26th and my friends have their families so I will be completely alone. The other reason...and I guess it’s more selfish, is that I will be spending Christmas by myself. It’s not the main reason why I’m bothered but it’s a small part of it. He’s been spending Christmas every year in Florida since he was 15 and there will be many more trips after the baby is born. I don’t know why he has to go THIS YEAR.”
According to the woman, anytime she’s brought her discomfort up in a conversation, she said the subject has become a point of contention, resulting in an argument about her expectations to put her wishes first before that of his parents.
“His parents have always been weird about keeping their family close,” she added. “They’ve never said it outright but little things suggest they don’t consider me completely part of their family yet since we aren’t married.”
It’s gotten to the point that the poster no longer broaches the subject, and she said that her future in-laws see no problem with their son leaving his heavily pregnant wife alone for a week before her due date. She asked the forum if she was the one in the wrong for wanting her husband to stay with her.
Reddit users were unanimously on the poster’s side, with one calling her fiancé a “fool” for leaving her all alone right before she’s about to give birth.
“This is your first baby, you do not know if the baby will be here early, on time or late,” the user wrote. “His family is you and the baby. If his family can’t see that, that’s another issue. None of them have a crystal ball and know when that baby is coming. Personally, I would also be pointing out how quickly things can go wrong for mum or bubs during labour. I am actually disgusted with him for thinking this is okay to leave his vulnerable wife during that time...”
Another added: “I’m not the type to jump on the divorce/breakup bandwagon like so many people are here on Reddit but holy the s*** the disrespect has me f****** LIVID.”
“He is showing you where his priorities lie, and sadly they are not with you,” someone else said. “Right now he should be putting you and his unborn child well before his parents.”
Pregnant women often have a support system in place just in case they give birth before their due dates or if any complications occur. According to the National Institute of Health, pregnant women need a solid support system, including caring family members, friends, and health professionals. Infants are reportedly at a higher risk of having a low birth weight if there isn’t an adequate social support system for their pregnant mothers.