Woman Refuses to Attend Sister's Destination Wedding After Finding Out Her Family Has to Pay to Attend but Not the Groom's
"The whole thing just feels icky to me," the woman wrote on Reddit
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Beach wedding setup (stock image)A woman has backed out of her sister's destination wedding after discovering that only the bride's family members have to pay their own travel expenses.
In a lengthy post on Reddit's "Am I the A------" forum, the woman detailed the dilemma, beginning by explaining that her younger sister Katie, 28, is set to marry her fiancé Chris, 29, in an "extravagant," four-day wedding in Dubai in April.
There are 70 guests in total attending, and the bride has requested that her sister and parents stay in the same "lux" hotel as the couple and their wedding party. The groom and his family also will be staying there. Additionally, she noted that flights will cost nearly $4,000.
While the OP (original poster) described Katie and Chris as being "well off," the bride-to-be recently asked her family to loan the couple $17,000, claiming the wedding venue had increased its rate. "She stressed it would be a loan paid over time," she wrote. "I offered to loan $7K and my parents the other $10K."
However, the OP later discovered that the $17,000 was not actually for the venue but instead to cover the groom's family's travel expenses. "They saw how much it was going to be, didn’t want to pay and refused to go otherwise," she wrote.
When the OP asked her sister why the couple was paying for Chris' family's costs but not her own family's, she replied, "Because they can afford it."
"She got very defensive and said this was the fairest way she could think of doing it, it’s hard enough planning a wedding, etc. But when I asked, 'If you genuinely thought this was the fairest way to do it, why did you lie about what the $17K was for and say it was a venue issue?' She couldn’t answer."
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Upset bride (stock image)While the OP said her parents were disappointed that their daughter lied about the money, they still plan to attend the wedding. "But I have backed out," she wrote. "Katie and Chris keep calling and asking me to attend, saying I’m making them feel bad and ruining their day. But the whole thing just feels icky to me."
She concluded her post by asking fellow Redditors: "Am I being an [a------] here? Should I just suck it up and go?"
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In the comments, many people shared the opinion that the bride and groom have made some questionable decisions when it comes to the situation. "Wait a second. Not only are they not paying for your parents, they're having your parents pay for his? That's like a double whammy," one user wrote.
"They lied, they basically got you and your parents to subsidize her future in-laws' trip," another commenter said. "I would not go, but that's me. There is nothing 'fair' about paying for her in-laws but not her own family."
Yet another person chimed in: "They lied about why they needed the money, and now they’re basically saying 'our family is more important than yours.' It’s incredibly disrespectful to you and your parents. If they can afford to fly his whole family out, they can afford to pay for yours too."
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Two women arguing (stock image)In an update on her post, the OP later shared one possible theory she has for why her sister and fiancé are paying for his family's travel and not the bride's.
"I'm obviously not privy to their financial situation but, based on the limited amount I do know from what Katie has said, Chris and his family grew up very poor," she wrote. "My guess is when his family said they couldn't go, he panicked and worried people would ask why they weren't there and he would either have to say they couldn't afford it or he couldn't afford to pay for them."
She added: "But if that were the case, it just makes me more mad that they both didn't plan ahead and talk to friends/family about what they could afford BEFORE booking Dubai."
Whatever the reason, the OP said she is having a tough time getting past her sister's lie.
"Honestly if she’d have come to us and said this is the [situation] and why we need $17K I'd have been pissed, and wouldn’t have loaned it but we weren’t the only option in terms of the money — they could have taken a loan," she wrote in the comments of the post. "After that, it still would have been unfair but it would have been their money and I would still have gone [to the wedding]."
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