Woman Organizes Friend's Bachelorette Party but Then She's Not Asked to Be in Wedding Party: 'It Feels Like I've Been Had'

A bride didn't ask her friend to be in her wedding party even though she expected her to organize her entire bachelorette party.

In an anonymous submission to Dear Carolyn, an advice column written by Washington Post columnist Carolyn Hax, the bride's friend wrote that she is "hurt" and doesn't "know how to proceed" after having organized the bride's bachelorette party and not receiving any formal role in her wedding in return.

"I'd been asked by a friend to organize her bachelorette party, and after getting all of it underway, was not asked to be in the wedding party or have a role in the ceremony," the woman explained in her submission titled "Bachelorette Burn."

This shocked the advice-seeker, who "assumed" she would play some sort of special part in the bride's big day because "that's a norm." She would have been more understanding of the bride's decision to exclude her if her wedding party was limited to family only, but in this case it's not.

"It feels like I've been had," she wrote. "I've fronted the money, and have already booked everything for the wedding itself and certainly don't want to blow anything up over it. I'm hurt, but I don't know how to proceed."

The woman continued to say that she's repeatedly written and deleted an email detailing her sadness over the situation to the bride, who is currently backpacking in Europe and likely isn't able to take a phone call.

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In response, Carolyn was sympathetic toward the woman.

"Wow," the columnist began her reply. "The only possible explanations I’ve got are scary entitlement or some goofy notion of this as your 'role.' As in: You four are bridesmaids, you do a reading, you host the guest book, you plan my bachelorette. Whatever it is, I'm sorry."

She then praised the woman for taking the time to write out her thoughts instead of impulsively acting out of emotion.

"Keep drafting letters until one seems right," Carolyn advised the advice-seeker. "Use paper or word-processing software, though, not email, so there’s zero chance of a premature send. Otherwise, just live your life. Thoughts are great at organizing themselves if we give them room."

She continued: "When she’s back, then see what you want to say to her. Nothing? See ya? I’m hurt? I’ll get over it eventually, but it was really not cool to use me as a free party planner."

The anonymous woman thanked Carolyn for her advice and "validation for feeling miffed." She ultimately decided to not send the bride an email and instead discuss the issue in person.

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A few months later, the woman shared an update with Carolyn on where she and the bride now stand.

"I saved a conversation for when she was back, and it went as well as it could have," she wrote to the columnist. "She said the bridal party make up was 'political,' fully owned up for how she made assumptions over my feelings, appreciates me and our friendship, etc."

"I am choosing to believe this was all sincere and an out-of-character lapse in awareness," she concluded. "I will continue our friendship with my eyes a little more open, but hopeful I’ll be able to razz her about it in a few years."

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