Woman defends throwing daughter ‘extravagant’ 5th birthday day after sister-in-law’s wedding

Wedding dates can’t always work for everyone. It’s possible for them to fall on birthdays and holidays simply based on when the venue was available.

In a recent Reddit post shared to the popular “Am I The A**hole?” subreddit, a mother explained that her daughter was turning five the day after her sister-in-law’s wedding. She also explained how having the party while a majority of the family was still in town seemed perfect.

“My brother got married with SIL (sister-in-law) at a small church by our house,” her post read. “My daughter’s birthday was the day right after and it was perfect because all the family was in town anyways for the wedding. My husband is a surgeon and he loves to spoil our daughters and I love planning parties so I booked a really nice garden venue and made it a princess carnival theme for all the kids and adults to enjoy together.”

She explained that the party went well until her sister-in-law pulled her into the bathroom where she was crying, telling the Reddit poster that “a five-year-old outshone her wedding”.

“Then she got mad at me saying it was disrespectful to schedule the birthday party near her wedding time and not talk to her about it,” she wrote.

The mother explained that the party had been planned weeks in advance. “However, it’s not like I can change the day my daughter’s birthday falls on and SIL was invited to my daughter’s birthday weeks in advance so it’s not like I dropped it on her last minute. I think it’s pretty crazy she’s getting jealous over a little girl but quite a few family members on her side are saying I’m in the wrong,” the post concluded.

Many people took to the comments section to defend the mother and her daughter’s birthday party. “If you don’t want a birthday celebration next to your wedding, don’t choose the day before your niece’s birthday,” one comment read.

“They, two adults, chose their wedding date. The child didn’t choose her birthdate. Were they supposed to pretend she didn’t have a birthday this year? If that woman is upset, remind her that she made the schedule.”

Another commenter agreed, writing: “This was a completely separate event celebrating a separate occasion and person. I don’t see you say anywhere that you outshone the bride during her wedding, or put down the event after the fact. I can see it being an issue if we were talking about two back to back birthday parties for siblings, where they should be entitled to the same degree of extravagance and celebration, but SIL is not entitled to anything with respect to a five-year-old’s birthday.”

However, other people disagreed and defended the woman’s sister-in-law, taking note of the fact that people book weddings months in advance as opposed to the weeks in advance the mother had notified the bride, in addition to people’s opinion that the birthday party was made to be much more extravagant than needed.

One commenter wrote: “Sure you can’t go changing what day your daughter popped out of your body, but you can change if you celebrate another weekend for it. Or if you did something a little tamer than going all out and spending from the sounds of it (otherwise why else would you mention your husband’s job) a lot of money on a child’s birthday the day after a wedding (which your SIL and I’m assuming brother, might not have been able to afford something lavish or as extravagant as they would have wanted to)... Whilst you threw a five year old a birthday party the day after and seemingly spent a lot of money on it.”

The comment continued: “She had weeks of notice of a party, but she probably wasn’t expecting something that was going to outshine her wedding day the day after it.... People who came for the wedding as guests will obviously remember whatever is the more impressive event of a weekend.”

Another person agreed in the comments section writing: “Who rents a ‘garden venue’ for a five-year-olds bday? If you wanted to spoil your daughter you should have gotten a bouncy house or something, not planned an event that would just show how much more money you and your hubby have to throw at a party than the couple.”