This Woman Is Considering Cutting Off Her Trump-Supporting Grandfather, And I Think This May Be Her Villain Origin Story

Hi BF Community! My name's Ashley Holt, and this is Dear Ashley — a lovingly honest, shady, and safe corner of the internet where BuzzFeed readers like you can submit your relationship issues to me for advice.

Today’s issue is between a 23-year-old woman who wrote to me about her grandfather.

"He constantly reminds my sister and I how much he loves us and all he wants is to keep us safe, and yada yada yada. And yet, he is a Trump supporter. The other day, he actually muttered the phrase, 'Trump will protect us.' He knows how far we swing the other way and thinks we are just uneducated, even though we have both pursued higher education degrees," she said.

"Every day, a new bombshell drops on something Trump has done, and I can’t help but conflate him with my grandfather. It’s as if when Trump does something awful, it almost feels as if my grandfather did it himself, and I get angry with him."

"I find it harder and harder to spend time with him even though he is getting older, and I am genuinely considering cutting ties altogether. I just don’t understand. I truly, truly cannot fathom how anyone, let alone someone who claims to LOVE me, can be so swindled by someone so obviously and unapologetically evil," she concluded.

Hey friend, this is a toughie for sure. I know from personal experience that some of the elders can be stuck in their ways, and they're not shy about sharing what they think and feel no matter who's around. I think you have two options here: Set boundaries about discussing politics with him and be STUBBORN about them, or help Grandpa pack his carry-on for a one-way flight out of your life.

When it comes to setting boundaries with older people, it's important to acknowledge that this will require waaaaay more energy from you than it will them. In fact, you have to expect that he will not only ignore them but probably push them just to see if you're a real one or not. But that doesn't change the fact that you have to be clear with him about how you feel and what will change if you go this route.

You can let Grandpa know, "I love you so much, and I don't get very many grandpas in this life, so I'm trying to be patient with you, but I will absolutely not discuss politics with you or listen to you discuss it with anyone else. If it ever comes up, I will hang up the phone or leave the room."

You have to be clear about what you WILL do if he violates the boundary. And you have to stick to it no matter what. You have to be prepared to leave a birthday party, church, a restaurant, etc. if you're going to set this boundary.

I will include the Viola Davis meme of her moments before one of her famous exits so you know how to communicate to the people around you that you're headed out without using any words. Please study accordingly.

You also have to understand that you're NOT setting this boundary to teach him a lesson. Remember, we expect him to stay exactly the same. You are setting it for YOUR peace of mind and sanity. So whatever comes with it — ridicule from other family members, slick comments from restaurant waiters, or frustration from your grandfather — you have to tell yourself, 'This is what it costs to have peace,' and let it roll off your back.

Now, if you don't have the energy, which is understandable, you'll have to cut him out of your life.

The truth is the person and policies that he supports threaten your livelihood. That cannot be understated. So, if you choose not to have to hear about those things in your safe spaces, that is completely and incredibly valid.

To be transparent, it will still be sad, even if you stand by the justification. It may take time to accept that you will miss certain family gatherings, or won't be able to create memories with him anymore. That's why you have to really evaluate which option you take on because they both come with a certain level of pain and sacrifice.

For that reason, I think you need to give yourself some time to consult family and friends, but then truly decide on your own to make sure you are comfortable with managing the consequences.

For what it's worth, you're in good company. Pulitzer Prize-winning rapper and troll Kendrick Lamar may have been through something similar. He declared, "B****h, I'll cut my granny off if she don't see it how I see it," in his song "tv off." This could double as a morning affirmation on tough days if you need one.

I'm really sorry you're faced with this decision. But, I know that making a decision either way will allow you to stop stressing about this, because you'll have a plan and realistic expectations. While we can't control the people around us, we can control their access to us and their ability to impact our inner peace. If you don't protect yourself, NO ONE will. And we owe ourselves that much, especially in these wild times we're living in! Love, Ashley.

What do you think she should do? Let us know in the comments.

If you are having issues with any kind of relationship, I want to hear about it, especially if it involves politics. Share your issue in detail in the comments below, or fill out this Google form to remain anonymous. Your response could be featured in an upcoming advice column.

The submission has been edited for length/clarity.