This Woman Is Asking For Advice On How To Save Her Marriage After Finding Out Who Her Husband Voted For
Trigger warning: Mentions of sexual assault and suicide.
Politics is always a hot-button topic, but since the most recent presidential election, the issue of who one voted for has been affecting romantic relationships — and not for the better.
That's the case in this story from a 38-year-old woman seeking relationship advice in the r/AskWomenOver30 subreddit after discovering her husband voted for President Donald Trump.
Here's the full story in user Notinthemoodthaw's own words: "I (38, female) was horrified to see that we re-elected a hateful, narcissistic, racist, misogynistic sexual predator as president."
"I am a voter who is unaffiliated and researches the candidates running. I do not vote based on political party. My husband (41, male) is the exact same way. He voted for Hillary in 2016 and Biden in 2020 due to social issues. He has been hinting that he supported Trump over Harris, and it has caused some heated arguments."
"I am a woman who has been sexually assaulted as a child and as an adult. I also had an abortion because of my severe PPD (I was suicidal) with our daughter and because he didn’t want another child. As someone who was always talking about equality, I was shocked that my husband supported Trump."
"It felt like a slap in the face to me since both of the women he had been married to were both survivors of rape. Ever since then, I have not wanted sex with him at all."
"He has been asking almost every day, and I keep saying no since I’m not in the mood. I really don’t know how to get past this."
"I have talked to him several times about how this election has personally made me feel. He either stays silent or tells me that everyone has their own reason to vote the way they did."
"It’s hurtful to think he was thinking about himself than his wife or daughter. He has been so selfless but caring for others over himself and has been very protective over our family. I felt that this decision completely voids the selfless level."
"Sometimes your body gives you the answer before your mind gets there. Your body is saying that this is a deal breaker for you," user Dolphin_berry wrote.
"This is a man who is saying being a sexual abuser is not a deal breaker for him. He cares more about his comfort than your safety. If he said these views out loud they would be deeply unsexy, and this is what you are hearing from him based on his chosen vote. Either you bear it or you leave him. Your body won’t get over this betrayal as that is what it is."
"Many, many women are currently reevaluating their relationships with the men in their lives. Not just significant others but family, friends, etc., too," user BigFatBlackCat wrote.
"It’s with good reason; we are not safe around these men. Chances are they won’t do anything, but they also are okay with other men assaulting women, so they are not safe."
"I left my ex-husband over Bush and the Iraq war. He’s a Trump supporter now. It’s okay to move on because your values are now at an impasse," user PsAkira agreed."
User Dear-Box2967 weighed in, sharing her own similar story in the dating world.
"I’m glad I am not alone and know you are married, so it’s much different. I'm single at the moment, but canceled three dates in the past week and a half. I’m not turned on and usually am so positive, bubbly, flirty, and super sexual. Now I feel like stone and numb, and I can’t shake it. One date voted for Trump, one didn’t vote, and one I didn’t even want to ask. I don't know how to shake the feeling, and I don't know if I'm being dramatic for caring so much, but like you, I have dealt with sexual assault and abuse, so it's just sickening. I'm 35 and want a partner, but I can't force myself to lower my standards this much like, really, that can't be my only option."
User PurpleFlower99 said how she felt after the 2016 election:
"In 2016, my husband became a fervent Trump supporter. He HATED Hillary Clinton. When the grab them by the pussy tape came out, and all he did was defend it, I knew in my soul I could never get past that. It took me three years to come to terms with the fact that my 30-year marriage was over and to plan my getaway. It really went downhill in 2017, and I was suicidal for about two months. I eventually picked up the pieces and now I am living my best life ever."
Opposingly, user Individual_Simple494 argued that the woman shouldn't let politics interfere with her relationships.
"Being a Democrat, I ask you: Is politics worth throwing your relationship away? I do not support Trump, but Democrats are no angels either. Forty-five thousand people were mercilessly killed by the weapons that Biden/Kamala supplied; many of them were women, children, and pregnant women. Think of those women, too, when you voted for Kamala. Just like you, your husband could have had his reasons. Don’t let politics come in the way of your relationship."
What are your thoughts about this situation? Should she leave her husband or try to work it out? Let us know in the comments below.
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673), which routes the caller to their nearest sexual assault service provider. You can also search for your local center here.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-800-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
Dial 988 in the United States to reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. The 988 Lifeline is available 24/7/365. Your conversations are free and confidential. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386.
