"Old Friends Are Still Surprised I Don’t Really Get Angry Anymore": 24 "Agitating" Things That People Over 40 Have Learned To Laugh Off
There's a lot of talk online about "aging gracefully," but few seem to meditate on what that actually means. On social media and in pop culture, people criticize public figures for aging, fixating on the superficial effects of getting older. But what about the deeper transformations that come with age?
Recently, Reddit user boroq asked the r/askoldpeople community, "What used to piss you off that now seems like wasted energy?" Their responses about letting go of the small stuff made me genuinely excited to get older:
1."A long time ago, a friend told me, 'It's not your business what other people think of you.' It was like a light bulb went off in my head. From that point forward, things were better. It's a lesson I learned later in life, but a lesson learned nonetheless."
"This 100%. I cared for far too long and far too much about what one person thought of me. It wasn't complimentary or productive. Just because you think highly of someone doesn't mean you have to respect their opinion of you, especially if it is flawed."
2."Now that I'm older, I always decide my response by the Rule of 7s: Will this matter in 7 seconds, 7 minutes, 7 hours, 7 days, 7 weeks, or 7 years? If it doesn't matter in 7 weeks or 7 years, it doesn't matter! Helps put things in perspective."
3."Getting angry with anything to do with sports. Whether it’s a team moving, or a favorite team losing because of a bad call, anything and everything. It’s been over 20 years since I’ve watched anything longer than a YouTube clip of a sporting event, and there is absolutely nothing I care about, even two of my home teams moving to Las Vegas; it’s just not worth the effort to get angry."
"Sports are supposed to be fun! I still watch pro and college sports, and I'm a lifelong fan of certain teams. But I no longer treat games like life or death.
If my team wins? Hooray! Awesome! But if they lose? I'll be disappointed, but I'll then move on to the rest of my day and enjoy other things.
Regardless, as I grew older, I learned it's ridiculous to have your day ruined by a sporting event. Your team losing doesn't influence your life in any way and you had nothing to do with the outcome, be it good or bad. Getting angry about a result accomplishes nothing. Trust me, I'm a Detroit Lions fan, so I've seen plenty of losing. But that also makes their recent resurgence damn fun. Which is the point of sports."
4."I heard a saying years ago. It went something like: 'In your 20s, you care what everyone thinks. In your 40s, you don’t give a crap what everyone thinks about you. In your 60s is true wisdom when you realize nobody was ever thinking about you in the first place.'"
5."Traffic. I was never a road rager, but I would get so uptight and angry that I thought I was in the Indy 500. Now I'm just chilling, going with the flow, giving dangerous drivers a wide berth, and not sweating when people make mistakes. It makes driving so pleasant."
"Long ago, I started a practice where I cleared my mind of all thoughts about the day and just lived in the moment as I drove."
"This was the first thought that came to my mind, and I'm so grateful for it, considering so much of my daily life involves dealing with confused, aggressive, lost, dangerous, inexperienced, slow, and distracted drivers that I can't imagine any other single thing having such a dramatic impact on my peace of mind. I feel like at least 80% of my local social media group messages are just complaints about driving."
6."I used to argue and fight with people about MY LIFE. Now I just tell them to f— off."
7."My birthdays. I used to really care about birthdays and what my plans were for my birthday, and especially how we celebrated it as a family, and I would get super pissed when plans inevitably fell through. There have been so many disappointments that I kind of mentally gave up on trying to celebrate it at all, just treating myself to some self-care on that day and letting that just be enough."
"I got dumped by the boyfriend I thought I was so in love with two days before my 26th birthday, and it sent me into this weird state of hyper-concern about making sure nobody could ever ruin another birthday again. I never made it a huge deal before that, but after that, I would plan weeks in advance to ensure I was protected, safe, and surrounded by people who actively liked me and wanted the best for me. It became an obsession. I needed to have the perfect cake, and I told my people exactly what to get for my birthday to ensure that it wasn’t a disaster.
Now that I’ve been in a happy relationship with someone who loves me for two decades, I don’t care about my birthday anymore at all. I’ll get a couple of cupcakes, but that’s it. I don’t even want any presents. It’s amazing what unconditional love can do to make a person less freaked out about those special days."
8."Not fitting into my jeans. I used to get so upset that I'd end up on some crash diet or even fast just to get them zipped. Forget all that. Give me stretchy jeans so I can gain and lose the same seven pounds and not care."
9."Online arguments. Particularly Usenet stuff back in the day. Pointless."
10."Useless coworkers. I realized that some people will take advantage of their company or do the bare minimum. Looking back, I now realize that's where they were in life, and they didn't care about their own career like I did. Once I let it go, I could focus on my work. And in some cases, they were smart, knowing the work they had to do was pretty useless. Much of the 'work' we do isn't productive, even if it seems important at the time."
"This is sort of what I was going to say. I used to get annoyed at lazy coworkers and people who refused to do the job right. But now that I'm nearing retirement age, I realize there's nothing you can do to change it, and making an issue of it just gets you branded a complainer. I keep telling myself I'll finish this in a few years."
"This took me a while to learn, as well. Those 'that's not my job' or 'I'll get to it when I get to it' people used to drive me crazy. But I've learned one thing: making something your job or getting to something before it needs to be done just equals… more work! It really is a thankless and never-ending treadmill."
11."Just about everything that used to anger me now seems like wasted energy. Especially things I have no control over."
"Everything. I used to be a very angry person. Meditation helped a lot. Old friends are still surprised I don’t really get angry anymore."
12."If you don't put 100% into your job (like I did because I made it my identity), that doesn’t mean you're lazy. It could mean you are prioritizing your well being, or prioritizing getting home in time to have dinner with your kid, etc. In my younger years, I used to idolize that boss/CEO who threw himself into his work. It’s how you get to the top, I thought. Now, after seeing all the other beautiful things life has to offer outside of work, I kind of pity them."
13."Co-workers/bosses. I stewed about them during my non-working hours. Now retired, I know that was a huge waste of time and energy, and for the most part, I can't even remember anyone's name or why I cared."
14."Squirrels! I don't know, I used to have a passionate hatred for them... no clue why. Kinda enjoy the little guys now."
15."People in general. Sometimes people suck, that's always been the case and always will be. I try to focus on the ones that don't instead."
16."Nutrition. Everyone said to eat more of this and less of that! Now, everyone is saying the opposite. So agitating, so I stopped paying it any mind."
17."Pretty much everything I have no control over. Especially politics and hot-button issues. I’m not in charge of female sports, and neither are my friends, so why are we arguing about who can play and who can’t?"
18."Crumbs in the butter container used to make me complain out loud. Now I am just annoyed and mouth, 'whatever.'"
19."I no longer have the default state of 'in a hurry,' so I don't care if someone cuts ahead of me in line or does the same thing in traffic. I just don't care."
20."Narcissistic people. Why waste the energy? THEY AREN’T GOING TO CHANGE."
21."My main question to myself is, 'Will anyone die from this?' And if the answer is no, it isn’t a big deal. Life will go on. You see, life is just a series of events and obstacles that we must navigate. Most of it won’t be enjoyable… but if you want to have enjoyable parts, you gotta get through the crappy parts. So eventually, you stop getting irritated and just get through it so you can enjoy the enjoyable parts sooner and more often."
22."I used to be bothered by people who didn’t agree with me. Then I grew up and realized that I’m not always right. 99% of the time, I am right, though. I'm just saying."
23."Passive-aggressive behavior. Now that I know better, I immediately cut people like that out of my life."
24."People not meeting my expectations or keeping their word. Probably many other things, but now at 49, I don’t give a flying flip! It’s great."
Have you noticed less things irritate you as you've gotten older? What used to bother you that hardly phases you anymore? Let us know in the comments, or through this form if you'd rather stay anonymous.
