My wife bears most of the housing and parenting responsibilities. I do my part by caring for our marriage.
My wife and I try to split household and parenting duties, but a lot still falls to her.
I do my part by being the primary caretaker of our marriage, planning dates, and romantic trips.
I think more men should focus on keeping the marriage alive and not leave it to their wives.
By the time I saw that registration had opened to enroll our preschooler in kindergarten, my wife had already started the application.
This dynamic is a recurring theme in our household. My tenacious professional wife leads most of our domestic responsibilities. And while I'm an engaged father, I can't deny the imbalance. My wife handles a lot of the household tasks, planning, and parenting.
Over the past 15 years, my wife and I have sorted out some of our dynamics — occasionally through thoughtful discourse but more often through a negotiated peace after another marital squabble.
Amid the ongoing give-and-take in our household, I've found one part of our partnership for which I am almost entirely responsible: the care and feeding of our romantic relationship.
My wife is in control of the house and the kids
Millennial men, particularly fathers, are doing more in the home than ever before. The Pew Research Center found that by the 2010s, male partners contributed twice as many hours to domestic work as those in the 1960s.
My relationship mirrors this. My kids were born in 2020 and 2022 — when the pandemic so dramatically changed my work habits that I don't know whether parenthood or COVID-19 changed my life more. Demanding work aside, I start weekdays by unloading the dishwasher before day care drop-off and get home to cook dinner before partnering on bedtime.
Yet, despite these gains, women in heterosexual relationships still shoulder more of the household and parenting responsibilities.
Regrettably, this has played out in my own marriage and remains our biggest source of tension. Though I handle a fair share of laundry, respond to kids crying in the middle of the night, and insist that day care teachers talk to me, not just my wife — there's no question who's in charge of the house.
My wife thinks ahead. She remembers deadlines. She anticipates needs before they arise. She's ahead of keeping our kids alive.
I'm the primary caretaker of our marriage
I made it my job to ensure that our marriage doesn't get lost in the chaos of parenting. I plan monthly date nights, coordinate social time with friends and neighbors, and make sure we have time together that isn't just about logistics and childcare. We also host parties.
I don't think of these tasks as grand, romantic gestures; they're a practical responsibility.
I learned relationships require maintenance, just like parenting or household finances. But in too many heterosexual marriages, this emotional labor is yet another task that falls disproportionately on women. I'm hoping to change that.
A few days after the kindergarten application was submitted, for example, I put another plan into motion. We dropped the kids off with my in-laws and boarded a flight to Puerto Rico, where we spent a few restorative days in the sun. It wasn't just a vacation — it was an investment in our relationship. And we came back better for it.
A call to men: Take ownership of your marriage
Too often, we talk about men stepping up in the home only in terms of chores and childcare. While those are essential, there's another responsibility that's just as important: the relationship itself.
I believe more men should strive to divide domestic responsibilities more equitably; my wife and I do and will continue. But men can also become the caretakers of the marriage, too.
It's not just about fairness; it's about strengthening the foundation of your family.
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