Why in the World Does This Creepy Fork Exist?

It was my own fault that the Man Fork landed on my doorstep. I was talking too big a game at the soft opening of my friend’s Italian restaurant Scampi. I was loose and chatting with pals, a little too sure of myself. My friend, the chef-owner Liz Grothe, had selected forks for the restaurant and they had only three tines. They were elegant. They were graceful. And to my mind, they did not count as forks.

"Anything with three prongs is a trident," I told the table. They did not concur. A discussion ensued: How many tines should a fork have? Is there a limit?

"The limit does not exist,” I said confidently. Unfortunately for me, my friends love to do a bit. Not two weeks later, one of them arrived at a party with a Man Fork for me.

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I should have remembered that the internet exists and it is full of horrors. One of those horrors is the Man Fork. At first glance it looks like an ordinary fork — stainless steel, about seven inches long. You know, a fork. But when you look closer, you will notice that it is a fork with six tines, which is an unholy number. It is caught in the uncanny valley between fork and comb. It’s like seeing a clam with teeth.

The overwhelming number of novelty utensils on the market are for children, with handles shaped like dinosaurs or rocket ships, presumably to coax them into eating nutritious meals. The second market is for whimsical adults, who might enjoy, say, a jar scraper spatula that looks like a platypus or measuring spoons that look like cherries, to bring a little bit of joy into their day.

None of these question the very essence of the utensil. No one is mistaking a bunch of cherries for spoons. In this way, the Man Fork is both more inventive and more sinister. It questions the very foundation of what we have all agreed, as a society, to call a “fork.”

"It questions the very foundation of what we have all agreed, as a society, to call a “fork.”"

Margaret Eby

The reaction I have gotten when I brandish the Man Fork in person is like those viral videos where an owner shows a cat a cucumber and the cat jumps three feet directly into the air. It looks unsettling, as if an AI illustration has come to life and landed next to your plate of macaroni and cheese. The most common reaction is “No.” followed closely by “Why?”

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The person most delighted by it was a waiter, when I brought one to Palizzi Social Club. He insisted on showing the entire kitchen. “Why am I doing this when I could make novelty utensils for insecure men?” he asked.

“Why?” is the central question when it comes to the Man Fork, and to be honest, the copy on the website doesn’t do much to answer it. You might think that utensils are gender-neutral, but the Man Fork insists: No.

“EAT LIKE A MAN,” the site proclaims. “Take bigger bites … like a man at the top of the food chain should! Once you use this unique stainless steel 6 prong fork you will never go back to eating with a normal wimpy 4 prong fork again.”

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Furthermore: “Activities such as shredding meat and serving spaghetti are now much easier with the Man Fork.” You know, regular hobbies and activities, the old pulling pork and spaghetti twirling to relax.

"It looks unsettling, as if an AI illustration has come to life and landed next to your plate of macaroni and cheese. "

Margaret Eby

In my experience this is not true, though I guess I don’t have that much trouble shredding meat with your bog-standard forks. It is true that six prongs are useful when you want to eat beans, peas, or long pasta. It’s useful to have an extra couple of stabbing points.

Perhaps, as a woman, the masculinity of the utensil was wasted on me. But I have yet to throw out all my four-tined forks in its favor. Recently I’ve been leaving it in the utensil drawer among the regular forks as a prank on my husband, who is often alarmed when he accidentally selects it for his morning rice and eggs.

“Why not just have a miniature shovel?” he asked me. ”Why not just skip the artifice and go up to eight tines? Twelve?”

Why, indeed.

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