Vacation Sex Is Just Better. Here's How To Make It Almost As Spicy At Home
Let’s state the obvious here: Vacation sex is just better than regular at-home sex. (Those “Do not disturb” door hangers exist for a reason.)
Maybe it’s the fact you and your partner are already primed to embrace spontaneity and exploration during getaways. Maybe it’s the buzz from the minibar or that lobby bar cocktail. Maybe it’s the knowledge you don’t have to set your alarm for a full week.
Nazanin Moali, a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles, thinks it’s due to the fact that a vacation is essentially an escape from everyday stressors that may hinder intimacy.
“During getaways, we tend to unwind and detach from our usual routines, allowing us to fully engage with our partners,” she said. “This heightened presence fosters deeper intimacy and connection.”
Moreover, vacations typically involve shared quality time and activities that strengthen emotional and physical bonds. When you get home from your hotel rendezvous, sex seems comparatively humdrum and rushed.
It doesn’t have to be that way, though. Below, sex therapists, including Moali, share a few ways to re-create the fun of vacation sex without any of the travel costs.
Discuss what makes vacation sex so pleasurable for you.
Don’t wait until you’re home and unpacked to reminisce about all the kinky sex you had on vacation. Talk about how good the sex is in the moment, while you’re still on vacation, said Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist and the author of “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations to Transform Your Love Life.”
After sex, Marin said, ask each other: “What do you like about it? What feels different about it? And what can you do to bring a taste of that back home?”
Let the conversation continue when you’re home, said Jane Henderson Burnham, a therapist at The Expansive Group, where she specializes in sex therapy.
“Reflect on any themes you find across your experience,” she said. “For example, maybe you had incredible sex immediately following an adventurous excursion, so you brainstorm ways you can incorporate novelty and excitement into your sex life.”
Or, she said, maybe you noticed your best vacation sex happened right after a romantic spa day with your partner. Consider how you could incorporate that slow, romantic vibe into your nightly routine with candles or that sandalwood-heavy perfume the hotel had wafting through the halls.
“What contexts turn us on is individualized, so this can be a great way to learn more about your partner’s relationship with desire and help them understand what excites you, too,” the therapist said.
Take time in your day-to-day life to be present with pleasure.
Sensuality can ― and should ― seep into your life outside the bedroom. To really harness it, you have to play close attention to the things that give you pleasure as you go about your day: the way the breeze hit your sweat-soaked skin after your run, the thin, smooth blue-black skin of the plum you had at lunch.
One of the most magical things about vacations is that “they give us the space to pay close attention to the things that give us pleasure, like adventure, delicious food or spending uninterrupted time with our loved ones,” Henderson Burnham said.
“Even though every day can’t be as carefree as a vacation, we can still build an intentional relationship with pleasure,” Henderson Burnham said.
“One way to do this is to simply take time to be fully present with at least one pleasurable experience each day, Henderson Burnham said. “This could be as simple as pausing to appreciate the sun’s warmth on your face.”
The more we practice noticing the small pleasures of our daily life, she said, the easier it is to be present with and appreciative of things that bring us pleasure.
“This all allows us to appreciate all of the sexy things in our life that we may be missing,” she said.
Get ready for sex, like you do on vacation.
Couples need leisure time to create the magic of vacation sex, said Shannon Chavez, a psychologist and sex therapist. Maybe that means you take the occasional half day off from work before a big date night. Or maybe you lean into the grooming rituals you’d usually tackle before a big trip: a spray tan, a wax, a pedicure, if you have time.
“You want to feel that you’re ready to go somewhere,” Chavez said. “Getting ready, even if you are staying in, means time for self-care, making yourself look and smell good, and feeling ready for connection around touch and pleasure.”
Take a trip... to your kitchen. Or your shower.
Sex obviously doesn’t have to be limited to the bedroom.
“Exploring other areas in your home ― like the kitchen counter or the couch during a movie night ― can inject excitement and spontaneity into your intimate life,” Moali said.
Make your bed feel hotel-level luxurious.
You didn’t think we’d get through this list without mentioning the need for new sheets, did you? You know those luxe 500 thread-count Egyptian cotton sheets added something to the vacation sex experience.
While you’re upgrading your sheets, consider buying new pillows, too. (Swapping them out every two years is the general recommendation.)
“Pillows also serve as support in different sexual positions, so make sure they are comfortable and can be shaped to support back, hips, neck,” Chavez said.
While you’re at it, you might even invest in “sex furniture” ― yes, that’s a thing, and, no, it doesn’t all look sex dungeon-y ― to enhance your sex life.
“Blankets like an intimacy throw (such as the Fascinator by Liberator), wedges, swings or chairs to enjoy pleasure outside of the bed,” Chavez said.
Get excited thinking about your next chance for vacation sex.
You do need to be realistic: You’re not going to be able to fully re-create the magic of vacation sex at home, no matter how nice those new sheets are. (Sad, we know.) That’s why Marin’s best advice is to always have some sort of trip on the calendar, even if it’s a quick, low-budget one.
“Research has shown that the anticipation of pleasure can be just as enjoyable as the event itself,” she said. “Knowing you have a vacation planned, even if it’s a year or two away, can help sustain the excitement.”
Go for smaller-scale vacations, if that’s more doable for your schedules and budget. Try renting an Airbnb in your hometown for a night or taking a quick road trip.
“Whatever it is, it’s just important for couples to have alone time away together,” Marin said.
