Get too emotionally attached when you first start dating someone? Here's how to deal
Attachment theory explains why we behave the way we do when dating and in relationships - and can be especially comforting for those with anxious attachments, meaning you feel you get very emotionally attached to new people/partners easily and struggle to feel secure.
Maybe you're thinking about texting them all the time, or are preoccupied with thoughts about how you wish they would validate your feelings. Although this can be very exhausting, it's very normal and common to feel this way. It's only really something to worry about if it becomes unhealthy and takes over your life. For people who've found it's negatively impacted them, here's how they stop themselves from getting emotionally attached early on.
1. "In my early 20s, I worried so damn much about this. I had all these weird rules and tactics to try to 'not get too attached' and to look like I was 'interested but not too interested'. Now that I have a job that consumes 10-12 hours of my day, a small side business and a few hobbies, I just don't have the time or the care, to worry about how attached I'm getting to someone. If I'm into them enough that I start to think about them a lot, then clearly that's a good thing, not a bad thing." [via]
2. "I schedule my interactions with them. No messages and no social media checks outside of scheduled interaction times." [via]
3. "I don’t consider playing games or training yourself to do things out of character will help, unless you’re content with being miserable keeping that up for the rest of your life. I instead take it slow with each new person. Let them know your needs (when you feel comfortable) and if they are the right person, they’ll want to accommodate them." [via]
4. "I read the book Attached by Amir Levine. It helped me deal with these feelings in a more secure way. There's nothing bad in wanting to communicate more with your crush/date/partner. Everybody has different needs. But there are differences with being unhealthy about it or simply anxiously attached. Big difference." [via]
5. "Practice mindfulness. When you start feeling anxious and attached purposefully tell yourself to do something else. Make a list of things you can do instead of the actions you don't want to do. Distract yourself with other things. Think of things you'd be doing if you didn't have someone to pine over. Basically keep yourself busy and make a habit of mindfulness. The more you purposefully tell your brain to do XYZ instead, the more that will become the natural thing to do." [via]
6. "Remember: You existed as a person before they entered your life, you will remain that way while you know them, and you'll remain that way when they leave your life. I think a lot of people lose sight of that when they meet someone, and I'm definitely guilty of it, too. It can be a challenge realising it and getting back to your own reality with them included or excluded from it." [via]
7. "I do something that requires me to be away from my phone, so I won't keep checking my messages or building up my anxiety." [via]
8. "I have a two text rule. I will not send more than two texts without a response except in cases of emergency." [via]
9. "I try and obstruct my means of attachment. For example, I try disable read receipts when possible, and disable notification sounds for anything not critical so I have to manually check them." [via]
10. "I tTry investing more in myself. Get a new hobby, try therapy if you feel like you can not control yourself, bond with family and friends." [via]
11. "Date multiple people, or have casuals on the go always. I'm not necessarily dating for something monogamy, but spreading the attention around I've found helps any one person from having to weather all the attention." [via]
12. "Work on yourself. Hobbies and interests you genuinely enjoy mean good conversation or icebreakers with others who share those interests. Do fun stuff with friends or by yourself, you’ll have stories to share and get better at talking to others and navigating through life. Then you’ll probably have a much easier time finding someone." [via]
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