The Four Step Post Break Up Plan: Feel Better Today
[Photo: karelchancounseling.org]
Break ups suck. Whether you instigated it or not, they’re hard. But, rest assured that the pain will pass. However, in the unbearableness of the interim, there are a few things you can do to help you feel slightly less rubbish.
Don’t listen to Hollywood: no one eats ice cream in bed or wears the same clothes for days on end. Actual real life people don’t have time for that – they just want to deal with the hideousness as quickly as possible and move on with our lives.
With this in mind, Yahoo Style UK spoke to experts in all things relationships to get some solid advice on how to avoid feeling quite so awful in this fresh break up to single status limbo.
Speaking to clinical psychiatrist Richard Reid, and life coach Lucy Sheridan, they were united on four simple coping mechanisms which will have you winning the breakup battle.
1. Avoid social media for a few days (at least)
You don’t have to go through the certain torture of knowing all the super fun things he’s getting up to now you’re no longer a thing. Ideally block. You can always unblock. Nip it in the bud and at least hide them from your damn news feed.
Lucy agrees, saying: “Don’t go to ‘that’ party and also hide them from all your social media feeds to create space around yourself.”
However, definitely do post one single killer new profile pic to show them exactly what they are missing.
[Photo: Pinterest]
2. Fall on your support system
Richard was quick to stress the importance of making sure you seek out support. Being alone will probably make you dwell on the negatives and feel much worse. Spend plenty of time with loved ones and let all your feelings out.
Lucy says: “Ask your best friend to tell the rest of your group what is going on. If you don’t want to talk about your break up let them know so that if you’re having an OK day, you don’t get knocked off your perch and drawn back into the grief by discussing it again.”
However, don’t feel like you have to go out to ‘prove’ anything – you now have sole custody of the Netflix account so if you want to stay in and binge watch Orange is The New Black then do it.
3. Channel your emotions
Richard recommends using other activities as a way of harnessing uncomfortable feelings in a productive way such as music, writing or exercise. Endorphins plus beating the crap out of a punch bag equals the ultimate break-up cocktail. Channel your current nihilism into something positive. Even better if it’s something that will get your bod in killer shape.
Lucy concurs saying: “Book that trip to the country you have always wanted to visit and research that training that will help you switch careers. Keep the focus on your, your healing and your happiness and you will be ready to look up and receive you perfect partner when the time is right.”
Don’t hatch plans to get back together — hatch plans to get yourself back.
[Photo: Cathy Thorne]
4. Remember your worth
It’s probably helpful to also remind you to be kind to yourself. It might seem self-absorbed but Richard recommends writing down your five best qualities. Remind yourself that you have value and rehearse believing this. It can be easy to forget your worth in the immediacy following a breakup.
Lucy – who deals with people’s relationship problems on a day-to-day basis agrees, you need to – as corny as it sounds - take time to find yourself again. “Become obsessive about your self-care: Need time off work? Ask for it. If it doesn’t feel good then opt out - your emotional health depends on it,” she advises.
All that happened is that you fell in love with the wrong person – next time you might fall in love with the right person.
[Photo: Tumblr]
However, as Lucy says, ultimately this is a process, and healing will take time.
“Know that ‘dealing with it’ will not be like flicking a switch. No human on earth has ever had an easy/quick separation so you aren’t going to be the one to crack it and achieve the quick fix.”
“You can’t rush the healing so don’t try. It’s better to feel all the pain properly, deeply and completely than to hide from it and let it crop up and affect, or even ruin, the romantic relationships that could otherwise bring you so much joy.”
Now it’s time to look to the future and let time do it’s healing.
