The 6 Stages Of Being Red Wine Drunk
Don’t lie, you’ve been there.
1. That first sip which sends a heavenly warmth pulsating through your veins and all is well with the world.
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2. Surfing the mellow wave of goodwill all the way to the bar after your first glass because this round is on you. Heck why not make it a bottle? It’s basically equal to two-and-a-bit glasses, right?
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3. The circular conversation where you put the world to rights and put the world to rights and put the - oh! Cheese!
4. The cheese platter with disappointing cheese-to-platter ratio which cost sixteen quid. SIXTEEN QUID! And you sit there rocking the Henry VIII look; all red wine mouth and shovelling food in your face, while you bitch loudly about the extortionate price of cheese these days - and yeah, you’ll have another but better make it a small one.
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5. The one person battle against gravity, as you fight to keep your massive drunken Henry VIII head lolling off to sleep, during your tube/bus/cab ride home.
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6. The next day when the only thing pulsating through your veins is regret and you realise that cheese is no substitute for an adequate meal.
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