Technoference: three signs YOUR phone use is the biggest problem for your kids (not THEIRS!)
‘Get off your phone!’ It’s a command that echoes around countless houses in the UK as exasperated parents trying to limit their teens’ phone use. If you have younger children, you might be familiar with the meltdowns that occur when tablets are taken away – or the constant pleads of ‘Can I have your phone mum?’
Our digital devices often make us feel as if we are pitched against our kids in a battle we are doomed to lose – and research has to date has been largely focussed on the impact too much screen time and exposure to social media has on developing brains. But now there’s a different focus – and it’s one that points the finger in an entirely different direction.
New research by the Princess of Wales’ Royal Foundation for Early Childhood (RFEC) suggests that ‘technoference’ – a term that describes parents spending large parts of the day staring at screens rather than making eye contact with their offspring - could be damaging children’s development.
The RFEC report talks about the importance of putting our phones down and having “eye-gaze” with children to help them learn to express themselves and says: “Given the vital importance of the early acquisition of communication skills for all aspects of human development, there is growing concern about ‘technoference’ impeding children’s communication skill development by reducing critical child-caregiver interactions.”
And technoference does not go unnoticed by children. A US report suggests that over 50 per cent of kids feel their parents check their phones too much, and 36 per cent say their parents get distracted by their phones during conversations.
Of course, it’s 2025 and no one is expecting parents to be phone-free. The average adult spends three hours and 15 minutes a day online on their smartphone, according to Ofcom, the communications regulator and for many of us, it’s more – for working parents, it’s almost impossible NOT to spend time responding to emails when you’re within eye shot of your kids. But being mindful of how – and when – you spend time on your phone is crucial, say experts.
‘With everything being online, such as work, shopping, and banking, it's understandable that phone use has become an integral part of our lives, says child psychologist Dr Belynder Walia. ‘However, excessive phone use can have a significant impact on your children's well-being.’
So how do you know if you need to moderate yours?
Are you children acting out?
If you’re struggling with your children’s behaviour, it’s worth spending some time monitoring your phone usage, say experts; they may resort to misbehaving to get your attention. In fact, studies show that there is a correlation between behaviour and parental phone use. Behavioural issues are also linked to what children could miss out on due to technoference; how to play a board game, or being helped with their homework, for instance.
Do you struggle to disconnect?
If you find yourself constantly reaching for your phone, and check messages first thing in the morning, you may have difficulty disconnecting, says educational psychologist Dr Patricia Britto. ‘Parenting, as well as professional and personal life, is less focussed on when there is difficulty disconnecting from using a phone.’
Are your children are spending a lot of time on their phones?
Kids do what they see parents do. ‘They are always watching us and mimicking our behaviour, says Dr. Lori Whatley, author of Connected & Engaged: How to Manage Digital Distractions and Reconnect with the World Around You
‘What we model is how they act.’ If parents are spending a lot of time on screens, their kids probably are, too.
So what can we do about it?
In her book, Dr. Whatley recommends that parents should teach kids that phones are a convenience, not a necessity, and recommends modelling healthy behaviours. She shares three tips to reduce screen time usage and to pass on to your kids:
Don’t look at screens for the first hour of the day.
Don’t look at screens for the last hour of each day.
Put your phone away when you are with other people.
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