How to stop social media from ruining your child’s brain
We have all wondered what effect smartphones have on our children’s ability to concentrate and now Dame Jacqueline Wilson, one of the UK’s best loved children’s authors, has expressed exasperation with children’s ever-decreasing attention spans. At last month’s Hay Festival, she blamed the likes of TikTok with its lightning delivery for children’s growing reluctance to stick with anything too challenging.
“I think children are so used to watching things they like to watch and if they’re at all bored they will flick to something else,” she said. “I am a firm believer that you’ve got to develop reading stamina and sometimes reading isn’t just instant gratification.” Neither is maths, physics or geography – and if children are struggling with reading for pleasure, how can they get through a whole school day, plus homework? Here’s how parents can help.
Answer their questions
“It’s clear from 100 years of research that curious children do better at school,” says Wendy Berliner, co-author of How to Succeed at School and Great Minds and How to Grow Them (both published by Routledge). “Focus and ‘attention span’ is not as important as curiosity, especially in the early years. We only learn when we are curious about something.”
Human beings are born curious – that’s why the species has thrived – and a young child will bombard you with questions. One piece of research found that a pre-school child will ask 107 questions in an hour – about two a minute. (“What’s that?” “Why is that man running?” “Why do I have to eat broccoli?”) “If we listen, if we answer, even if we say, ‘I’m not sure but let’s look it up or work it out,’ your child is learning and intelligence grows,” says Berliner. “A response like, ‘I don’t know’, ‘Just do it’, ‘We’re late’ means that eventually, they’ll stop asking.”
Raise a reader
Reading for pleasure is closely linked to educational attainment – in fact it’s more significant than socio-economic status. A five-year-old child who has been read five books a day will start school having listened to about 1.5 million words, with huge implications for developing listening skills and attention span. This can impact all their other subjects.
Tre Christopher, a former teacher, is co-founder of Dandelion Learning which offers free online sessions for parents on how to raise a reader even with the challenges of modern life (bookable through Eventbrite – Raising a Reader: Top Tips for Parents to Foster a Love of Reading).
Start in babyhood. “Children are made readers on the laps of their parents,” says Christopher. “It’s never too early for them to associate it with a place of love and safety.” Although most parents stop reading to their child at the age of eight, experts recommend continuing into their teens. There will be years when a child may happily listen to a book which is too challenging to read.
Those who form images in their mind as they read find books more exciting and memorable (and also do better with comprehension and recall). “Talk through the stories,” says Christopher. “Ask ‘Do you know any people that remind you of this character?’ ‘What do you think he looks like?’ ‘How do you imagine their house?’ If there’s a film adaption, go and see it when you’ve finished the book.”
Christopher also recommends audiobooks, which are often engaging and brilliantly produced. Graphic novels, comics like The Phoenix and magazines such as National Geographic Kids can all foster a love of reading. Find free Ebooks and resources at Oxford Owl for School and Home and go to Lovereading4kids UK for a wealth of recommendations.
Think Sherlock
“The ability to hypothesise, reason and seek evidence, to think in a Sherlock Holmes kind of way, is very connected to academic success,” says Berliner. “You can start young if you’re on a walk, or eating, or in the car, with a fun question. ‘How would you weigh a giraffe?’ ‘Why do leaves fall in autumn?’ ‘Why does bread go mouldy?’”
In a teenager, the subjects may get more heated. “Climate change is a great one,” says Berliner. “Have conversations around the bigger picture and real-world consequences. Young people can be very immediate – they don’t necessarily understand why we can’t just stop everything now. What would ‘zero emissions now’ actually mean? What would happen in third world countries?”
Make home a place where you can have healthy debates – and model good behaviour yourself, listen well and be prepared to have your mind changed.
Stay back
Allowing children to find their own motivation is key, says child clinical psychologist Dr Angharad Rudkin, Hovering over homework, asking what they got in every test – then asking what everyone else got for comparison – won’t help in the long run. “Your child should understand that school is their world, their work and their responsibility,” says Dr Rudkin.
If your child is stuck, resist sorting it out for them. (Instead, try saying “Have a think. How could you do this? Have you done something like this before?”) Encouraging capability is crucial. “Be interested in their topics, and pleased when they show they are learning, curious or giving it a go, but don’t interfere,” says Dr Rudkin.
“The child has to own the project, learn from it and be proud of it or not. If pleasing their parents is a child’s main motivation, it can wear thin by the time they are teenagers and they’d rather play Fortnite,” warns Dr Rudkin. “If a 14-year-old hasn’t developed a sense of self-agency, intrinsic merit and internal motivation, it’s going to be much harder.”
Have screen strategies
Screens are here to stay. Our children must learn to manage them, but devices and social media platforms are designed to keep users addicted. Their instant rewards reduce our ability to invest time in anything harder. What can we do?
Dr Rudkin is not a fan of screens for the very young. “The UK has fought against being prescriptive but in the US, the American Academy of Pediatrics advises no screens for the under-twos, then an hour maximum a day up to the age of five,” she says. “Parents should definitely err on the side of less.”
As children get older, it’s crucial to set good habits – if you don’t, you can never go back! “One rule I’d have for a 12/13-year-old is ‘No devices in the bedroom, and off screens by 9pm’ so no one is using them last thing at night or first thing in the morning,” says Janey Downshire, parenting coach and co-author of Teenagers Translated: A Parent’s Survival Guide (Vermilion).
“Really help your young teen understand and experience how much better they sleep without a device, and how much faster they get through their homework when they don’t have multiple platforms open. If they learn from a young age to separate the use of technology for work and for social reasons, if they’ve practised really good core habits at 12, then when it comes to A-levels or a degree, they’ll be less likely to struggle.
“Self-discipline and self-regulation is something all young people have to learn. If they have a sensible use of technology with plenty more in their lives than screentime, you don’t need to worry.”
Make maths fun
For parents who draw a blank at Year 2 equations, nurturing mathematical aptitude can be tricky.
Simon Singh, the physicist and best-selling author of maths books such as Fermat’s Last Theorem and The Simpsons and Their Mathematical Secrets might have an answer. “I have two boys aged 12 and 7 who love maths because I have shown them the Wild West of mathematics,” he says.
“To me, maths is fascinating and interesting. It’s solving puzzles and riddles. I like sharing weird geometries and strange numbers and exploring questions about irrationality or infinity. Can you measure infinity? Are all infinities the same size? (The answer is they’re not.)”
Now Singh is hoping to inspire more children through the launch of free online Maths Circles which will run each week on Mondays and Tuesdays, with some aimed at upper primary school years and others for each stage through to sixth form – although none will follow the national curriculum.
“Maths circles” began a century ago in eastern Europe when groups of students were mentored by local mathematicians. These will be fully interactive and initially presented by Singh himself – he’s aiming to be the Joe Wicks of mathematics – with support from maths educators such as the YouTuber Ayliean MacDonald and Countdown champion Junaid Mubeen.
Create an account and join for free at parallel.
Keep those bodies moving
“Exercise nourishes the brain, it grows positive feelings, raises our pain threshold and ability to keep going,” says Downshire. “It’s not just exercising muscles so we can eat more ice-cream!”
Sports participation is significantly associated with academic achievement, with attentiveness in class, even school attendance levels.
It’s not hard to see why. All exercise pumps more oxygen to the brain. It releases hormones which promote brain cell growth, increases brain plasticity, and brings myriad other benefits, such as boosting mood and self-esteem.
Building it into your routine isn’t so difficult in the primary school years, and many children will find their sport, join a team and stick to it through their teens.
“If your teenager isn’t interested, look for something different,” says Downshire. “Would they be up for some cold-water swimming or hiking?” A local yoga class, strength training, climbing, horse riding, skateboarding, self-defence – there will be something they’ll be willing to try.
Seek out new experiences
Think well beyond the curriculum. “Don’t fixate on the narrow remit of subjects and exam grades,” warns Downshire. “Make an effort in the holidays to get them out and about, pursuing interests, and if you observe that your child is engaged, focused, inquisitive, interested in something away from a screen, punch the air and build on it.”
Don’t see “downtime” as hours spent scrolling. “It’s tempting to think, ‘They’ve been working hard at school, they need to chill,’” says Downshire. “On devices, the brain is not ‘chilling’ – the dopamine supplies and attention span are being ransacked!” Wide exposure to interesting possibilities beyond a screen helps build it back up.
That could be a day or two in court watching a trial, attending a local campaign meeting, a reading by an author, a wacky art gallery, building a robot: “Anything that gets them out of their comfort zone, taking a risk and widens their understanding of the wider world.”
Consider tutoring
Tutoring can give a child the individualised attention they don’t get in class – but be careful if forcing it on to a reluctant child. Research suggests that when tutoring comes with the message “You need help because you’re a low achiever”, it can negatively impact a child’s interest and actually lead to more test anxiety. If tutoring eats into their cherished leisure time, it can pile on resentment and demotivation.
However, if your child is struggling with a subject – or maybe flying – and wants some extra one-on-one, a tutor can work well – and also be a great role model. It doesn’t have to break the bank – MyTutor offers online tutoring from university students (prices depend on their experience) who can also act as mentors and motivators. (A teenager who bitterly regrets taking Spanish GCSE may feel differently when taught by someone just a few years ahead who is having the time of her life in Madrid on her university year abroad.)
Swotties – “Best buddies for studies” – also offers affordable tutoring from carefully selected students and role models. Swotties tutors have also developed extra-curricular online adventures – such as Loch Ness monster hunting with a biologist, coding with an AI geek and creating a graphic novel with a fine art student.
Set good habits together
“Brains love routines and they also love to do what other brains are doing, because we’re social creatures,” says Nicola Morgan, expert on the teenage brain and author of Exam Attack (published by Watts Wayland).
“Make use of both these tendencies by creating a family routine where at certain times you’re all at your tasks, with social media off, focused and using that focus to help each other.” That can mean having certain hours in the weekend when you’re answering your emails or writing a report and your children are doing their homework.
Ensure your child has a good workstation – those with a desk and a quiet place to study perform better in school. “Ask your teen what works best for them and be open minded about what’s possible,” says Morgan.
They may find it quieter or free from distractions to set up in the spare room, or revise at grandpa’s house round the corner, or in the public library.
As far as possible, allow them to create their own work environment. “Don’t stop your teen listening to music when they are working or busy revising,” advises Morgan.
“If they say it helps them focus, it almost certainly does.”
