I Started a “Reverse Gift List,” and It Has Saved Me So Much Holiday Stress
About five years ago, I ran into a problem many people face as they get older: The people I holiday shop for typically just buy everything they want throughout the year. That, of course, left me hanging during the holidays, not knowing what to get anyone and relying on gift cards to allow them to buy the things they love. (The people in my life are notoriously hard to shop for.)
The problem was, I didn’t want to be the gift card person. I wanted to be someone with a keen eye for gifts that gives friends and family something they’ll enjoy that was perhaps a little unexpected. So, in a move one of my friends calls “stalker-esque,” I started keeping notes on everyone, all year. I call it my reverse gift list.
What Is a Reverse Gift List?
The reverse gift list idea is simple. Essentially, rather than scrambling to come up with gifts the month (or days) before the holidays, you make a list of potential ideas throughout the year. To do so, you actively listen to what people tell you throughout the year, and if something sounds like it could inspire a fun gift, write a little note to yourself. I keep my list on my phone — since I’m on my phone all the time anyway, no one bats an eye when I pull it out for a second in the middle of a conversation. If the term sounds familiar, that may be because you’ve tried a reverse grocery shopping list, where you keep track of all the groceries you have at home already — this is a little different, though your notes act as the metaphorical pantry full of things your loved ones might want.
As an example, my husband told me his favorite artist once while at the art museum; I jotted that down. My mom complained about not having an easy way to accomplish something in the kitchen; I took note of the task so I could look for gift ideas about it later.
There’s another perk to this method, too: It might make you a better friend. It’s easy to be less-than-present when hanging out with a loved one sometimes. But keeping a reverse gift list keeps me actively tuned into what my friend or family member is saying — not just for gifting purposes, but because the process in itself has helped me become a better listener.
Given that it’s already December, starting a reverse gift list right now for this year won’t really work for Christmas or Hanukkah. But it’s the perfect time to start one for birthdays, anniversaries, and any other time you need a gift for someone. As a bonus, you’ll see what people get for the holidays and can take notes about any add-ons to those items they might want — like a set of fly-fishing lures for someone who got a tacklebox.
If you really need help getting gifts for this year, try a last-minute twist on the reverse method: Write down everything you can think of that makes that person unique, their interests, and even what you’ve given them before, and find something based on those qualities.
How I Use the Reverse Gift List to Ease Holiday Stress
The thing I love most about my reverse gift list is that if I’m keeping it all year, I can spread out gift purchases all year. I’ve had my brother’s Christmas gift ready to go since June, for example. Otherwise it makes gifting easy since I’ve already got ideas.
I organize my list by person, and below each name, I list out things that I hear throughout the year. It doesn’t have to be an exact gift idea — it could just be a thought that I’ll brainstorm on later. Only a handful of people know I make the list, too. Not that I’m keeping it a secret (obviously not, I’m writing about it!) but most people forget I do this and continue to think I’m just a really good gift giver. The list, for example, helped me plan a visit to one friend from another who moved away; it led me to a Kintsugi kit for my husband, and a Chicago Bears history book for my dad.
I get most use out of the reverse gift list during the holidays. But since I’ve got it year-round, it’s also helpful for birthday gifts or just random presents I get for my friends. Because who doesn’t love a thoughtful gift any time of year?
Further Reading
I Tried the 90/90 Rule and My Closet Is Now Fully Decluttered
We Tested (and Rated!) All the Sofas at Ashley — Here Are the Best to Suit Your Style and Space
