When Your "Soul Tie" Relationship Becomes Toxic, Here's How to Break It

Have you ever met someone and felt you’ve known them all your life? Or are you so connected to someone already in your life that you feel like your souls are linked? That vibe you feel is real, which is why learning the meaning of soul ties is so important. Understanding the background of this religious, spiritual, and psychological term can help you navigate your relationship's ups and downs.

Like most anything in life, soul ties have positive and negative aspects. For many, a soul tie can be a good thing and make you a better person. But in other cases, a soul tie can take a turn for the worse and actually make someone’s life more difficult and may even bring them harm. Yes, there is such a thing as being too close to someone, especially when your mental health, or at times, even physical health and well-being, suffer.

For the soul ties that are good and healthy, keep doing what you’re doing. But for the soul ties that are decidedly unhealthy or dangerous, it can seem daunting to break that soul tie. That’s why we asked an expert all about soul ties, and how to break them the right way.

What are soul ties?

Kristin Papa, licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Living Openhearted Therapy and Wellness in San Jose, California, says that soul ties are often described as a deep connection between two people, which usually is emotional and/or spiritual.

“When people are referring to a soul tie, they tend to feel an intense connection or intimate bond with another person which may have been formed due to a shared experience,” she says.

What are the signs of a soul tie?

Papa says that there are several signs of a soul tie, but one of the most prevalent signs is feeling deeply connected to another person, even when you’re apart.

“Some people have described it as an invisible thread that links them, and that the connection transcends typical relationship dynamics,” she describes. “You might also feel intense emotions related to the person, and their emotional state may impact your wellbeing more than other individuals in your life.”

Additionally, Papa says that there is often a sense that your soul tie understands you on a level that others cannot, almost as if they can read your mind or finish your sentences.

“This unexplained connection and understanding causes people to feel a strong sense of familiarity or feeling ‘at home’ with this person when they are together. This type of deep connection then makes it extremely difficult to move on when the relationship ends, and many times people find it difficult to stop thinking about their soul tie,” she explains.

Types of soul ties

While a soul tie can be between any two people, the most commonly discussed types of soul ties are:

• Romantic Partners

• Friendships

• Family Member Relationships

• Parent-Child Relationships

Soul tie vs. twin flame

“Twin flame” is another term that often denotes a strong, spiritual relationship with another person, which can make it seem quite similar to a soul tie. Papa says that there are similarities between a soul tie and a twin flame, since both of them involve deep connections with others.

“However, soul ties can be formed with multiple people throughout your life, while a twin flame usually is a unique and rare connection with only one person,” she says. “Twin flames are usually described as more intense and challenging than soul ties and often can push both individuals toward personal growth.”

Soul tie vs. soulmate

Then there’s the term “soulmate,” which sounds a lot like soul tie. As Papa says, a soul tie and soulmate both involve an intimate bond with another person, but there are a few differences.

“Soulmate relationships are usually viewed as positive and tend to imply a sense of fate and compatibility for a romantic partner,” she notes. “Most people consider that they have only one soulmate. In contrast, soul ties can be positive or negative in nature, and you can have multiple soul ties throughout your life.”

Signs of a healthy soul tie

Some soul ties can be very healthy relationships that make each person better. According to Papa, signs of a healthy soul tie include:

• Open communication

• Providing one another with emotional stability and security

• Mutual respect for each other’s boundaries

• Encourage each other to grow and become your best selves

“Healthy soul ties usually have a strong foundation based on honesty and trust, so both people can feel safe to be vulnerable and authentic. A healthy soul tie also allows each person to maintain healthy relationships with others, which creates balance and personal identity outside of the soul tie.”

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Signs of a dangerous soul tie

There are soul ties that are unhealthy and even dangerous in some cases. Papa says that you can blame this unhealthiness on the fact that soul tie relationships are deeper and more intense than other relationships — emotions are high, and the connection can become negative in a hurry.

These signs include:

• Obsessive and possessive behavior

• One person becoming overly consumed by the connection

• Manipulative and controlling behavior

• Emotional dependency (which can "breed an inability to function independently and neglect one's own needs")

• Loss of self identity and independence

• Feeling drained, anxious, or unhappy in the connection

Papa adds, “You can’t show up as your true self, which can be detrimental to your well-being.”

How do you break a soul tie?

In such a high-charged emotional situation, it should be no surprise that breaking a soul tie out of your best interest can be challenging. But as Papa says, at times, it’s necessary if it’s negatively impacting your well-being and interfering with your personal growth. She lays out the steps of how to ideally break a soul tie.

1. Acknowledge and accept the need to separate. Papa says that if the soul tie is unhealthy, having an open and honest conversation with the person regarding your decision may be impossible. As a result, it’s important to establish boundaries and remove or limit contact with the person, including texting, calling, and social media contacts.

2. Remove any reminders. You may have some personal objects or reminders in your space that immediately bring your soul tie to mind. Papa says you should remove these objects to limit triggers. “This process can also serve as symbolic closure, especially if you are not able to have a conversation with your soul tie about ending the relationship,” she says.

3. Engage in new activities and connect with other people. When a soul tie ends, Papa advises investing your time in new activities and connecting with other friends and family members with whom you have healthy relationships.

4. Allow time to grieve. Papa says that much like when we lose a loved one to death, there often is a grieving process when breaking a soul tie. Therapy with a mental health professional can support you in this loss and help you navigate this chapter while also processing your experience. “Healing from soul ties can take time, and thus, it’s important also to practice self-care and self-compassion and give yourself time to cope with the separation,” Papa reflects.

5. Focus on your core values. After breaking your soul tie connection, Papa says that it can be helpful to go back to your core values and think of the separation in a new light. How does separating from this person move you toward your values and how you want to show up as a person?

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