I Have Serious Flight Anxiety, So Here Are 9 Things Aviation Experts Told Me to Feel Better About Flying Right Now

I used to be the girl who fell asleep on planes before they even took off, never needed to download a comfort movie and didn't care much about where I sat, as long as it was a window seat.

That all changed in April 2023 when one of the engines on a flight I was taking from Chicago O'Hare to LAX was struck by a flock of ducks as we were taking off. The bird strike led to one of the scariest moments in my life, in which our plane circled the airport for 45 minutes, dipping and weaving, before finally making an emergency landing back in Chicago.

And while our captain (who had been behind the controls for nearly 40 years) and flight crew handled the situation expertly, unfortunately for me, the incident was one bird strike too many, and thus began my journey as an anxious flier.

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Before the tragic D.C. crash happened on Jan. 29, I had written "landing is my favorite part of flying," on my Instagram status just days before, as I had been on a flight where I was so restless and so anxious I had to essentially talk myself out of a panic attack, even though the actual flight was smooth.

And in the weeks since, it has seemed like there has been one bizarre aviation incident after another, making me more worried than ever to get on a plane. That's why I decided to turn to aviation experts to answer some of my burning questions in hopes that they can quell my anxiety before I invest in a horse and buggy.

Below, here are 9 things aviation experts told me to feel about flying right now.

Having flight anxiety is valid

One of my least favorite things to hear when I express my fear of flying is, "Don't worry. Flying is the safest mode of transportation." And while there are copious amounts of data and statistics to back this up, once I hear an unfamiliar noise or we start going through unexpected turbulence, that all goes out the window. Thankfully, people on the ground understand.

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"I get on the plane with my wife and kids, and I know everything about flying everything, and I still get nervous," says Michael McCabe, an air traffic controller who works out of Chicago O'Hare International Airport.

"What happens with our autonomic nervous system is that we can't see forward. We can't see the front of the airplane and we're not involved in the decision-making. So, you are literally a passenger on a tube flying through the air at 400 miles per hour. We're not built to be that way. Our brains are not made to be that way. And giving data is not always helpful," he explained.

So, for people like me, whose nerves don't get calmed by facts and numbers, just know, your feelings are valid.

Flying is only going to get safer

Having said that, though, it is important to keep logic at the forefront in cases like this. And though the terrible accident in Washington D.C. is rattling, it's only going to make flying that much safer because the main priority is for an incident like it to never happen again.

"The aviation community is an interesting community in that we talk about accidents and incidents, things that didn't happen and how they could happen all the time," McCabe explained. "We are always focused on changing rules, adapting and figuring out ways so that we don't ever come close to something like the [D.C. incident] again."

He continues, "Every time something happens, we get safer. That's why if you look at over the years — in 1956, for example, there was an accident that happened actually over the Grand Canyon, and they started putting air traffic controllers in. So it was actually an accident that caused us to become what we are."

The incident McCabe refers to involved a mid-air collision between a United Airlines Douglas DC-7 and a Trans World Airlines Lockheed L-1049 Super Constellation that happened on the morning of June 30, 1956. According to Simple Flying, both planes were flying over uncontrolled airspace and the pilots were responsible for seeing other aircraft to avoid collisions.

However, the investigation that followed found that the accident was caused by the pilots not being able to see each other and subsequently, Congress passed the Federal Aviation Act, which established the FAA to "oversee all commercial and military flights, build a modern air traffic control system, and enhance flight traffic rules," per Simple Flying.

Your plane is built to withstand turbulence and more

An easy trigger for me is, of course, turbulence. But one of the things I like to remember is that planes are designed with turbulence in mind.

"Airplanes are engineered to withstand significantly more than we would ever encounter within a normal 'flight envelope,' is kind of the term that we use," says Kyle Koukol, a commercial air pilot and founder of Dial A Pilot, a service that aims to help nervous flyers overcome their fear of flying. Their TikTok became my first touchstone after my birdstrike incident back in 2023.

"These airplanes are engineered to unbelievable standards," he continues. "So I'm not concerned about structural damage with turbulence as far as safety of flight concerns go."

And, for the people who, like me, know that turbulence makes their planes shake but can't quite articulate why, Koukol gave an explanation.

"Turbulence really comes from changes in the atmosphere, either heating or cooling of the earth's atmosphere that's causing some uneven rising of the air or uneven sinking of the air," he says. "As we transit those areas, we can get into some turbulence associated with that, the main one being what we call 'shear turbulence' or 'clear air turbulence,' that big scary term. All it means is the direction of the winds is changing in a manner that is kind of creating friction."

The reason the pilot might ascend or descend is because "normally we can get out of that turbulence by changing altitudes — because again, it's ... just faster air [crossing] with slower air. So we'll just get out of that intersecting area."

Your pilots never stop working

One of the things I often run into online is the idea that planes are wired so effectively that pilots mostly relax when flying. And while I wouldn't want someone with my same emotional capacity at the helm, as an anxious flier, the idea that my pilot is doing a crossword puzzle and chilling instead of keeping their eyes on the road (so to speak) is not soothing.

However, Koukol noted that while they're not exactly lounging up there, the calmer the environment the better the flight.

For one, pilots are constantly reviewing their contingency plans. On those long flights that go over the ocean, for example, each plane has a set of what's called ETOPS alternates — suitable airports set up on the flight path so they can divert in case of emergency.

During a flight, they're assessing locations and routes to ensure they still meet the requirements. "[We're listening for] anything that would cause us to not be able to get into that airport," Koukol explained.

"And it could be as simple as something like an airplane having a flat tire on the runway and they need to come out and get the airplane off. All of a sudden, we [won't be able to] use that runway, so we need to use a different alternate," he says. "This is what we're doing throughout the flight. We're monitoring our contingency plans the whole time."

Different aircraft, different systems, different sounds

On my recent flight, I kept getting startled by the different noises the plane was making. As a frequent Boeing passenger, I thought it was due to the fact that I was in an Airbus this time.

So, I asked Koukol to break down some of the differences between a Boeing and an Airbus when it comes to what we, as passengers, may hear and feel.

"The difference between a Boeing and an Airbus is kind of the operational mindset that each one has," he said. "They're similar, but just slightly different enough that you'll hear different noises, because things are actuated differently."

He explained that, for example, the "barking dog noise" people associate with the Airbus at the end of taxiing is a result of transferring from single-engine taxiing to switching on both before liftoff; "You then hear the hydraulic power transfer unit (PTU) come on in cases like that and that's kind of the big Airbus one that makes people nervous," he said.

Another variable you might hear from flight to flight is "the pitch of the engines; although a Boeing is a Boeing, they may not have the same engine. The engine is not a Boeing engine. It's a Rolls-Royce engine or a Pratt and Whitney engine or any other variations. But they all make different noises. And so one may be kind of a higher pitch buzzing noise, and one may be a deeper white noise fan noise. So you'll notice that a lot,"

So you can put your noise-canceling headphones on without fear you'll miss some bump in the night.

Your flight attendants receive extensive training

Much like the air traffic controllers and pilots, flight attendants also undergo rigorous training as it's understood they are not only our emotional touchstones during flights but also emergency personnel and, in very rare cases, security against potential threats.

To fully understand their scope of duties, I spoke to Sara Nelson, president of the Association of Flight Attendants-CWA, who has also been a flight attendant for almost 29 years herself.

Initial training takes about six to seven weeks, she told me, and then they're retrained and re-certified for the safety procedures and refreshers once a year.

"You are trained on all of the emergency procedures on all of those planes," she reveals. "That means you have to be able to show that you can open the door and evacuate people on that particular aircraft."

She continued: "All aircraft are different, which means the emergency equipment is going to be in a different place — the door opens a different way, the slides to get down and the slide pole handle are oftentimes going to be in different places. Sometimes there are window exits and you have to know about that and how to do all of that."

Another point to remember is that there can be some security threats in the air, and flight attendants are also trained in de-escalating those. "We're trained on the medical kit information, and then I can't talk about what goes into it, but there's a security portion of our training because we're not only first responders in the sky, we're also the last line of defense and aviation security," Nelson says.

"There were two attempted threats — the shoe bomber and the pant bomber — in the air, each of those were thwarted by flight attendants. So all of that goes into our initial training."

Even if things get scary, listen to instructions

Whenever I happen to come across videos of planes that have had to make emergency landings, one of the things I often notice is the chaos that erupts in between passengers. People immediately get emotional and panicked, often yelling at other passengers and moving without necessarily knowing if that's the right thing to do.

The bottom line, Nelson says, is that no one knows more about safety procedures than the flight crew — so everyone needs to remain calm and quiet and wait for instructions.

"When we say remain seated, remain seated. Your safest place is in your seat with that seatbelt on," she said. "The next thing you're going to hear us say is release your seatbelt and get out and we're also usually saying some version of the commands, which vary from airline to airline, but they're the same actions."

Nelson also stresses that passengers absolutely must adhere to the requirement to leave their belongings behind.

"This is one of the biggest problems that we have in an emergency evacuation: People stop to get their luggage," she says. "That not only slows down getting off the plane, but also, when they come to the door of the aircraft [luggage] can puncture that slide, which means that if there's no egress for the rest of the people behind them, it can slow everything down."

In conclusion: "I'm sure some things are irreplaceable in life, but what's really irreplaceable is a life."

Delays are a good thing

It's no secret that there are staffing shortages within the aviation industry that have led to delays on the ground. And whenever there is a delay, my mind goes straight into catastrophizing. In actuality, though, delays are sometimes a good thing.

Nelson gives the example that when air traffic controllers are understaffed, in a lot of situations, the solution is to then "cut capacity" of planes flying out.

"What that does is it slows down the flow of traffic. It might mean that your flight is either delayed or canceled, and that is typically because the scene is 'not safe.' The people have decided that they are not in a place to safely do their job. And so that slows things down," she explains.

In other words, if 10 planes are meant to fly out and there aren't enough air traffic controllers to accommodate that, the number of planes meant to go out is then decreased.

Koukol echoed a similar sentiment from the pilot's point of view and relayed that better decisions are always made when there is no rush.

"We don't want anything to be chaotic, even in an emergency. Everything is designed to happen slowly," he explains.

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"We always talk about slowing things down. If we're in an emergency and we need something and we feel like we're starting to get rushed, we're going to buy ourselves time, we're going to take an extra turn in holding... We train to slow ourselves down because the mind wants to go fast," he says.

"Whenever training happens, we get into that kind of fight-or-flight response. Pilots are trained to handle that and to not allow that response to take over our decision-making processes."

Remember, people are working to make the aviation industry better

As scary as the news can get, it's always good to keep in mind that no pilot, flight attendant, air traffic controller or any other aviation staffer is going to let you get on that plane if it's not safe. After all, they're on that plane too, and want to get home safely to their families just as much as you do. So listen up, ask for help when you need it and thank a pilot or a flight attendant on the way out the door.

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