I was sectioned because I only ate 40 calories a day
Emily Hale, 25, from Kent, was detained under the Mental Health Act after her anorexia saw her plummet to a size four. Now in recovery, she works on the psychiatric wards of the same hospital she was a patient at, using her experience to help others with their mental health issues.
Food was always an issue for me but when I was younger I didn’t think of it as having a big impact on my life. Sometimes, I would cut out food groups and I exercised a lot, though it never felt like anything major at the time and no one around me picked up on it.
But after my A levels at age 18, when I started a psychology degree at university, things got a lot worse and I became really physically and mentally unwell. Restricting food and working out took over my life. I was exercising relentlessly, not eating enough and doing anything at all I could to get rid of calories and control my weight, from purging to abusing laxatives.
I honestly don’t know why I did it. To this day, I’m not really sure, I can’t pinpoint a reason. Professionals always ask me this when I’ve had therapy but I don’t have an answer, it was just that however much weight I lost, I wanted to lose more.
At my thinnest, I was down to a size four in clothes. My hair was thin, my skin was dry and I had to stop exercising – I physically couldn't do it any more because I felt so weak.
Seeking help
I got help from my GP in January 2018. I admitted that I thought I had a problem and needed help, and she was incredible. She referred me to the eating disorder service and looked after me while I was waiting for my appointment. I saw the eating disorder specialist for the first time in April – and, two days later, I was admitted to an NHS eating disorder unit. The consultant told my parents that if I didn’t go, I was going to die.
At my thinnest, I was down to a size four in clothes. My hair was thin, my skin was dry and I had to stop exercising – I physically couldn't do it any more because I felt so weak.
I’d never really talked to my parents about my anorexia. I wasn’t home much for them to see what was happening, so it was a real shock for them to hear that. It was horrible for them, but they were very supportive and visited me every weekend.
Hospital treatment
I was in hospital for nine weeks before being discharged under the community team and was much healthier, mentally and physically. But then I relapsed in my final year of university. I was living on 40 calories a day – all I ate were packets of frozen vegetables that had 40 calories in a bag and I’d eat one of those a day, that was it. My friends and family were worried about me but, when you're in that state, you don't listen to anyone. I’d just think they were being dramatic.
All I ate were packets of frozen vegetables that had 40 calories in a bag and I’d eat one of those a day, that was it.
By September 2021 though, I was admitted to hospital again. At first, I went along voluntarily but, once I got there, I refused to engage in any treatment and I wouldn’t eat anything. Again, I don’t really know why – I think it was just classic me being stubborn.
At the time, I didn't really see that there was a problem and, if I do something, I do it because I want to do it, not because someone's telling me to. And so, after 48 hours, they decided to section me under the Mental Health Act, so then they would have the power to force feed me.
I was in the Cygnet Health eating disorders unit in Ealing for four months. If it hadn’t been for the other girls in there, it would have been much worse. It was mostly just a bit tedious really, with everything focused around eating at certain times and not being able to do much else. The aim was to stabilise and normalise my weight, and I was discharged from the unit in January 2022. After that, I had help from the community team and saw a CBT therapist.
Journey to recovery
Being sectioned helped me, because otherwise I would have just left and gone straight back to my old ways. I guess deep down, I always knew I had a problem – I’d been the one who went to the doctors for help in the first place, after all – and eventually, I thought, 'I don’t want this to be my life anymore. I need to get out in the real world and live my life, like my friends are doing. I don’t want to go to hospital ever again.’
When I was at my sickest, I knew that I needed work to keep me motivated to recover because, if I was to leave hospital and do nothing, it would be bad for my mental health. While I was still a patient, I applied for a role as an occupational therapy assistant with Cygnet Health and I got the job. I was discharged on the 10th of January and I started three weeks later, working on a male psychiatric intensive care unit.
Working there helps me to give back, to give hope to other people and understand what they’re going through, while also helping me to move forward with my life.
I’d run groups with the guys on the unit and, because I’d experienced being sectioned, it helped them to open up – when they were getting frustrated, I could understand because I know what it's like.
Helping others
I'm very open and honest about my own experiences and show them that change can happen. It is also a job where I’m not being excluded or judged because of what I've been through. I’m very much accepted and people want to learn from me.
I later became an 'expert by experience’, which means I now visit hospitals, looking at what might need improving, speaking to patients and spending time with them.
I later became an 'expert by experience’, which means I now visit the hospitals, looking at issues that are arising, what might need improving, speaking to patients and spending time with them, trying to instil some hope into them, as well as helping staff understand more what it's really like to be sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
I’m in control now, and I don’t worry about relapsing. My relationship with food has changed and I’m around a size eight now. I love running and I know I have to fuel my body to do well.
I love being at races with the rest of my running team and enjoy the atmosphere without putting so much pressure on myself to do well.
Since my recovery, I've done the marathon twice – I would never have been able to do that on 40 calories a day. I eat three healthy, balanced meals every day and I’ve learnt to enjoy food. I’d given up alcohol as well because I was too worried about the calories, but now I’ll enjoy myself at parties and festivals. I can finally be present in the moment, and enjoy and appreciate life more.
I believe that things happen for a reason. I wouldn't wish anorexia on anyone, but it's made me who I am today, and given me the chance to be able to help others when they're struggling.
For support, visit Beat Eating Disorders.
Read more
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