I'm running the Marathon in Mum's memory, last year she cheered me on
Ruth Chappell, 49, runs an online equestrian business and lives in Hampshire with husband Brian, 55, who works in cyber security. Last year, she ran the London Marathon and her beloved mum, who was terminally ill with lung cancer, watched the race, cheering her on. This year is set to be an emotional day, as she's running again in her mum's memory.
Reaching Mile 25 of last year’s London Marathon, my legs were like lead. I didn’t have far to go and the shouts and cheers from the crowd were pushing me along. As I scanned the many faces, there was one special person I was desperate to see.
As I rounded the corner of the Mall towards the finish line I looked up and saw her. My lovely mum. Terminally ill with lung cancer but shouting and cheering like crazy. "Come on Ruth! You can do it!" she yelled. I waved and she waved back. I made a mental note to remember that special moment because it would be one of the last memories I’d have with Mum.
Where do I start to say how wonderful my mum was? She could talk to anyone she met, from the teenager at the bus stop to an elderly stranger in the supermarket, she was always interested in other people and made them feel good about themselves.
A close family
She was only 21 when she had me and divorced young so it was just the two of us for about three years until she met Peter, who adopted me and became my dad. I loved him from the moment I met him and together we lived as a family in Gloucestershire very happily for many years until I left home at 19 to go to university. But I would see them both all the time and we shared a very close bond.
I never imagined that one day I’d follow in Mum’s footsteps at the exact same age of 48.
Mum and Dad built up a business relocations company and worked very hard but still made time to enjoy life. They were both very health-conscious and it was Dad who first said he wanted to do the London Marathon in 2002. Mum said she’d do it with him and I thought they were completely bonkers. But they did all the training and the whole extended family trooped down to London to watch them set off at Blackheath and we were there at the end to cheer them over the finish line. I never imagined that one day I’d follow in Mum’s footsteps at the exact same age of 48.
Mum was perfectly healthy until 2021 when she developed a cough and had a pain in her shoulder. She thought the doctor might assume it was Covid but was testing negative so after a while she went to the GP who realised straight away that something wasn’t right and referred her for an X-ray. More tests followed and in November 2021, she received the devastating news that she had lung cancer and it was terminal. They gave her only 12 months to live.
Staying strong
There is no easy way to tell your loved ones that you’re going to die but Mum was incredibly brave about it. I was devastated and look back now and realise that I started grieving for the loss of my mum from that very day. I remember a few days after she broke the news I was driving to see my horse and I couldn’t see for the tears. How could this be happening to my mum, the most special person in the world?
It hit Mum hard too. The thing that most upset her was wondering how Dad and I would cope after she’d gone. With help from a counsellor at Longfield Hospice in Stroud (where King Charles III is the patron) she was helped to realise that we would be just fine. She had brought me up to be strong and to share the same values and morals. Of course, we would all miss her terribly, but she could relax. We would be able to go on without her.
Mum hated the thought of a ‘Bucket List’ but there were things she wanted to do so we created a ‘Not Bucket List’ and on it were things like a helicopter ride...
It was a lightbulb moment for Mum and from that moment on she got on with living the rest of her life – however long that would be. She hated the thought of a ‘bucket list’ but there were things she wanted to do so we created a ‘Not bucket list’ and on it were things like a helicopter ride – which she loved but I was terrified! – and one of the memories I thought would be nice for her was for me to run the London Marathon.
I must have been mad. I’d only started running in 2020, having done Couch to 5k, then a 10k and then a half marathon. So I applied for the ballot, but didn’t get in and was really disappointed. Then I found out about the Roy Castle Lung Foundation and applied for – and got – a charity place through them. They are a wonderful charity who help place lung cancer support nurses nationwide and fund research into early detection. I raised £2,400 for them in 2023.
The big day
We had no idea if Mum would be fit enough to spectate on the day but she was desperate to be there and of course she made it. We had a bit of a drama the night before when my husband Brian ended up in hospital after being really poorly after a meal out and I had about two hours' sleep. But I made it to the start at Blackheath with all the thousands of other runners and Brian was out of hospital by the morning too. He even managed to see Mum and Dad for breakfast and meet me at Mile 13 to give me a new bottle of water.
The London Marathon is like nothing else you’ve ever experienced as a runner. All the way around people are shouting your name: "Come on Ruth!" and "You’re amazing" and you feel like a celebrity. As I reached the Mall, only yards from the finish line I spotted Mum and my family in the crowds.
As we hugged she said, 'You’ve done it. I knew you could do it.' That was Mum all over. She always said I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it.
Typical Mum, she had rallied everyone around her to also cheer for me and I waved at them all. I finished in five hours 44 mins and when I saw her at the end, we were both in tears. As we hugged she said, "You’ve done it. I knew you could do it." That was Mum all over. She always said I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it.
We had five more months of wonderful memories – birthdays, anniversaries and mum’s favourite thing of simply sitting around and chatting absolute rubbish with her loved ones.
An emotional goodbye
But by late August 2023 her health was declining and I knew, when I saw her on Skype that she was growing weaker. One day I was chatting to her and Dad and I said I’d come up to see them whenever they needed me and that was the last real conversation I had with her. Dad called a day later to say I should make my way to their house and when I arrived, Mum was already on morphine and quite out of it.
I know that when I reach Big Ben and the point where I saw Mum last year I will be in a heap of tears.
But when I walked in, her face brightened. When the nurse propped up her pillow later that day, Mum opened her eyes and the nurse grabbed me and put me in front of Mum and it was an amazing moment as we made eye contact and smiled. I held her hand, talked absolute rubbish to her (as she always loved) and she knew I was there. That’s been a real comfort to me. She died peacefully 24 hours later, surrounded by her loved ones. She was only 70 years old.
I’m now only weeks away from doing my second London Marathon and it’s going to be an emotional one. So much of this will be about mental training as much as physical training as I know that when I reach Big Ben and the point where I saw Mum last year that I will be in a heap of tears.
But I’m going to do it for her and raise more money for other families going through a diagnosis of lung cancer. I’m not a spiritual person, but I like to think that she will be there along the way, cheering me on, shouting, "Come on Ruth!" She will certainly be there in my heart.
To support Ruth in raising money for the Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation visit her JustGiving.com page.
