The new RSVP rules – as inspired by Prince Harry
It’s been just days since Harry let his Dad know that he would be attending the Coronation, but Megs was giving it a miss, and when the news broke you could almost hear the grinding of teeth all over the UK – admittedly most of those belonging to the generation who reply to invitations immediately, never mind ones from the King, let alone those from their father.
There are three things that can really take the shine off organising a gathering, in our experience:
a postponement due to the pandemic; the person you really want to be there being unable to be there; and late in the day replies which, to the host, always sound a lot like: “the other thing didn’t materialise after all, so, sure. Why not?”.
Not to sound too like a nanny but if you can’t reply nicely at the proper time then don’t be surprised if your hosts end up wishing they hadn’t bothered to ask you in the first place.
These days people often send invitations for big events by paper post and you can’t help noticing that they are generally followed up, several weeks down the line, by “for those of you who haven’t yet replied, please can you let us know” messages.
The poor party throwers are trying to organise seating plans, parking arrangements, sufficient booze and canapés and maybe Portaloos. They wanted to celebrate with friends and family and now they’re trying to corral a lot of casual ingrates at the eleventh hour, thinking “what the actual hell. Is it too much to ask to Just Let Us Know”.
We’re all agreed Harry replied when he did to cause maximum disruption but for those in any doubt (feel free to leave this lying around for under-35s) here are the New RSVP Rules.
1. Just RSVP already. Anything over a week is too long. If you have to wait to find out the date of your operation then let them know that’s what you’re doing.
2. If the invitation is casual (come for supper tomorrow) don’t be casual in your response. Approach all RSVPS in the spirit of “we are so lucky”. “OK” or “Let you know” is not heartwarming.
3. Don’t ever put someone in the position of having to chase you. Once they’re chasing they regret asking.
4. Don’t immediately ask for special privileges/clarification of your rights – eg, will we be able to sleep in a room with our dogs/ask the Whatsits over on the Sunday?
5. Don’t make it clear that you’ll be coming but for the shortest amount of time possible thereby making the invitee feel like you are doing them a massive favour. Henceforth let’s just call this Doing A Harry.
6. Don’t refuse an invitation without a watertight excuse if you are officially close F and F. If you don’t offer a thoroughly plausible excuse, that’s a snub – henceforth Doing A Meghan.
7. Don’t ask to bring your Plus One. They know you well enough to ask you so they know you have a Plus One and (most likely) suspect you won’t have the same one by June. That or your ex has first dibs.
8. Don’t involve your hosts in your ex issues. The policy should be they ask you both and you work it out between you. They are also well within their rights not to ask an ex if the other party is the one with the earlier claim. (See Fergie not being invited to the Coronation.)
9. A Save the Date is a lock-in. You can’t get one and then refuse the invitation two months later – well you can but then it’s clear you got a better one in the meantime.
10. Don’t take offence if your invitation arrives later than the Whatsits’. So you’re on the B list and that’s life. It helps to know where you stand with people so you can B list them in future.
