‘Relationship contracts’ are growing in popularity as more couples seek ways to communicate needs

“Relationship contracts” are gaining popularity among couples, say experts.

With 46.8 million posts about “relationship contracts” on TikTok, the idea that people should create a relationship contract as a means to set clear boundaries and expectations has become popular with those on the dating scene. Whether it’s to create a sense of accountability or help prevent or minimize conflict in the long term, “relationship contracts” are meant to bring everybody on the same page.

Experts define a relationship contract as a mutual agreement between people in a romantic relationship that defines the rules each partner agrees to uphold throughout their relationship, all while being non-legally binding.

Writer Mandy Len Catron explained to NPR that it’s ultimately a tool couples can use to help them identify and express their needs for the good of their relationship. Couples can understand what the other wants by setting the rules, and learning what the other is willing to compromise and not.

“If you instead reframe it as an agreement or goal setting,” Catron clarified, noting that it’s not as un-romantic as it sounds. “Then it’s really just a way of saying ...‘I’m invested in this relationship and this person. Therefore, I’m going to do my best to do it.’”

Relationship contracts encourage couples to be more mindful and give them the tools to engage in thoughtful discussions about what they want out of a relationship. Whether that’s in regards to anything from housework to intimacy, they can set the necessary boundaries for what is and isn’t a healthy relationship for them.

Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist, explained to Popsugar: “Typical topics in a dating contract include expectations around behaviors, fidelity or exclusivity agreements, relationship goals, conflict resolution plans, shared responsibilities, communication guidelines, and boundaries on important issues like physical intimacy or interactions with friends and family.”

A relationship contract can be helpful who have had trouble setting boundaries, especially those who are dealing with anxiety or past trauma. It can also clarify expectations for people pursuing nontraditional or non-monogamous dynamics.

“If this effort is successful, a dating contract can yield other successful outcomes, like more clarity and fewer misunderstandings,” she added. “Someone may be more likely to benefit from a relationship contract if they have specific needs, like a history of trauma or a desire for nontraditional or non-monogamous relationships.”

However, Burrets noted that doing so could also create a stifling atmosphere for some couples. She said, “This can inhibit the organic growth process in a relationship or limit the spontaneity in an otherwise exciting and dynamic time.”

While a relationship contract arguably cannot solve all present issues, it can allow couples to define what they do and do not want.