Reddit sparks debate: Should this 11-year-old be allowed to exclude a classmate from her Halloween party?
Halloween parties can stir up plenty of excitement—and sometimes, a little drama too. One parent recently found themselves caught between honoring their daughter’s wishes and navigating the tricky world of middle school social dynamics.
In a recent post on Reddit’s AITA subreddit, the parent shared that their 11-year-old daughter was hosting a Halloween party, inviting “most of the girls in her class”—with one girl noticeably left off the list. “My daughter greatly dislikes her and made it clear she doesn’t wish to invite her. I am fine with that. She is in middle school and can pick the guest list,” the parent explained.
But when the excluded classmate’s mom heard about the party, things got complicated. The other mom reached out, asking them to reconsider to “avoid making her [daughter] feel left out, especially since they are new to the school.”
The Redditor held their ground, saying, “I told her that my daughter picked the guest list and she isn’t close to your daughter.” When the other mom continued to push, the Redditor decided to be open about their daughter’s feelings: “I told her the truth: that my daughter doesn’t like [her] daughter and finds her annoying, that she is the class clown and disruptive and my daughter doesn’t wish to deal with her outside of school.”
As expected, the other mom didn’t take this well. Soon, other parents started chiming in, and opinions split on whether it was okay to leave the new girl out or if extending an invite would have been the kinder move.
“NTA. It’s your daughter’s party, and as you said, she can determine the guest list,” wrote one commenter, empathizing with the parent’s choice. “I get the other mom not wanting her new-to-that-school daughter [to feel] left out, but she [has to] understand that kids will pick their friends, too, and nobody is under any obligation to be invited to a birthday party.”
Others felt differently. “Okay, but this girl is new,” countered another user. “She hasn’t had much of a chance to make friends. This exclusion defines her as an outcast, whereas including her might have opened the door to making friends or at least being accepted.” Some noted that if nearly everyone else was invited, excluding just one classmate could sting even more.
And it seems many parents in the comments understood just how complicated these situations can be. Several shared their own experiences of being that kid given a last-minute “obligatory invite” to a party—which, for some, didn’t feel much better.
One commenter shared, “I remember being invited to a party the day before—it was my whole friend group but the girl whose party it was didn’t like me… I remember being really excited to get the invite. But then just feeling awful at the party… It probably made me feel worse than if I just hadn’t been invited.”
For many parents, deciding how to handle party invites can bring up big questions. Do you invite everyone to avoid hurt feelings, or let your child pick close friends, even if it means some kids are left out? Halloween, birthdays, and other celebrations should be fun, but when it comes to social dynamics, it’s rarely that simple.
Let’s be honest: deciding whether to invite the whole class can be challenging, especially when the logistics (and costs) start to pile up. We want to create a fun and memorable experience, but also a thoughtful one.
Whether we choose to invite everyone or keep things small, these moments can be opportunities to help our kids navigate friendships with kindness and confidence. If we talk with them about how their choices impact others, they can see that parties can be more than just fun—they’re chances to build empathy and understanding, too.
Halloween parties are supposed to be all fun and games, but sometimes real life sneaks in. So what’s your take? Do you find it easier to invite everyone, or do you set a cap and let your kids decide?
