‘Postpartum psychosis meant I felt no love towards my daughter when she was born’
A mum has said that she felt ‘nothing’ when her baby was born and felt disconnected from her bump during pregnancy due to postnatal depression and psychosis.
Shannon Finan, 30, was initially excited when she found out she was pregnant last year, as she had been told that a previous eating disorder would make it hard to conceive.
"For me it was a miracle,” she says. "I'd always longed for a family."
However, when single mum Finan started comparing herself to other mums and pregnant women on social media, she says her mental health took a turn.
"All these posts look perfect and you're there struggling on your own. I lost myself. I went on a downward spiral,” she explains. "I couldn't imagine going on in my life.
"It's horrible to say but I blamed Orlagh for a long time. I completely disconnected from my bump."
By six months pregnant, Finan was crying every day and doctors soon realised she wasn’t in a good place mentally.
They believed that she had both postpartum psychosis and postnatal depression, although both of these diseases cannot be officially diagnosed until after birth.
For the next three months Finan, a NHS compassionate support worker, from Coventry, West Midlands, was looked after by her parents and monitored closely by medical professionals.
"I was high risk. For the next three months, I was carried through birth,” she explains. "A lot of people were saying 'when you see Orlagh it will be so much better'.
"I remember seeing her when I had my c-section. That day was the saddest day of my life. My mind had gone. I looked at her wanting to love her but it wasn't there. I just felt nothing."
Three weeks after Orlagh’s birth in June 2023, Finan was admitted to the mother and baby unit in Nottingham where she spent the next two weeks.
"It was the best thing I have done,” she says. "They pieced me back together. It saved my life. Now I know I am good enough."
One year on from Orlagh’s birth, Finan has had counselling and is on medication. She now feels as if she has ‘got herself back’, saying Orlagh is her ‘best friend’.
“She's just thriving. That's all you can want for your child,” Finan says.
Finan hopes that her story will normalise what she went through, and she has vowed to no longer compare herself to people on social media.
"I'm trying to be mindful - not everything is what it seems on social media,” she adds. "I feel we have a trailer of our best bits, it's glamourised. The illness makes you think and see things that are not true."
Postpartum psychosis is a serious mental health issue that affects around one in 1,000 mothers after giving birth.
While the NHS says the ‘baby blues’ generally last for a few days after birth – any longer can be classified as postnatal depression – postpartum psychosis can come on suddenly and linger.
Symptoms of postpartum psychosis include hallucinations, delusions, mania, a low mood, and feeling confused.
In some cases, postpartum psychosis can start to show signs during pregnancy, but it is not usually diagnosed officially until post-birth. Stress is thought to be a leading contributor towards the development of postpartum psychosis.
Additional reporting by SWNS.
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Zoë Tapper reveals how ‘crippling postnatal depression’ changed her life: ‘It hit me like a sledgehammer’ (Yahoo Life UK, 6-min read)
